A Guide to Paying for Dates

mhrdth · 2013-12-28T23:04:56+00:00

If I take a girl to bar I always say "First round's on me". This way you've paid for the first drinks so you don't look cheap and she doesn't expect you to keep buying her drinks.

ragnarockette · 2013-12-29T00:17:22+00:00

woman here: pay on the first date. 100% of my female friends asked in an incredibly unscientific poll said if a guy doesn't pay on the first date, it makes it unlikely that there will be a second.

no one is expecting flowers, drinks, and an expensive meal. dates (especially the early ones) don't need to be expensive. I've had great dates over street tacos, $2 beers, coffee.

however if a guy doesn't make the move to pay, I'll wonder what the reason is.

scenny · 2013-12-28T23:25:08+00:00

In my beta days, I used to run into women who would say, "If you want to date me, then you have to pay for everything for the first three months." I always received bad advice about this, and part of my mind always questioned this, but people in my life, back then, convinced me that I had to pay. I always ended up getting used. I didn't know any better.

Now, when I go on dates, I avoid expensive dates for the first dates as I let her qualify herself. If something goes wrong within that time frame, then the only thing I lost was time. That being said, if I learned something from the experience, then I really didn't lose anything. If I end up going out for drinks, then I pay for a round, and she pays for a round. If there is a breakdown in that dynamic, then she isn't the type of girl I am looking for and I end the date.

On a side note, one of my buddies is a full on beta. Every time he meets a girl, it is an expensive dinner and drinks for the first date. A week or two later, they start seeing a new guy and he is mad that he got used. No matter what advice he is offered, his beta mind is too afraid of losing the potential opportunity with this girl.

Look at it this way, last night I met a girl out for coffee at a local coffee shop. We had a conversation for a little over an hour, and she paid for her tea and I paid for my tea. I couldn't see her and I moving past being friends, and I didn't lose anything in the experience because I learned from it. In the past, I would have bought her tea, smothered her, and tried to win her over. Now, I just let things happen naturally, and I could tell within the first ten minutes that I wasn't interested. That being said, I was out talking to a new person, so I continued the conversation to work on my conversation skills.

It's 2013 (almost 2014), and both parties should be equally invested in the dating process. Sure, if you want to pay for her go ahead, but that does not obligate her to anything--and don't get upset when your expectations don't turn out as expected. Also, don't be afraid to speak up if you think you are being taken advantage of. Remember, you are the prize, not her.

2013-12-29T05:06:02+00:00

Its so funny, low inner game -> you pay, high inner game -> you pay. End of the day, you pay. While I agree with this point of view I just find it hilarious that the motivation behind the result might be different but the result is still the same.

ragnarockette · 2013-12-29T00:20:41+00:00

oh also: if I put up a big fuss about splitting the check, it's because I don't want to owe you anything and I'm probably not interested.

that said, if I like a guy, after the second or so date, I'm totally willing to pick up the tab.

RoboPimp · 2013-12-29T03:38:51+00:00

hold up when did all this deciding who pays start?
I've always thought that if you invite someone you pay.

ThrowawayPUA · 2013-12-29T18:23:57+00:00

A good guideline as to who pays, and this something I follow, is whoever asks the other person out pays for the date.

This is based on old school Etiquette principles, not PUA principles. The old idea is that the host must pay for his guests. If you invited someone out as your guest, you are the host and you are responsible for entertaining them and footing the bill.

But in the PUA world, that is bullshit. We are not paternalistic pigs who think women are broke and incapable of paying for a cup of coffee. The general principle is that you should not pay for womens' drinks etc. unless you get into a position where it would be socially awkward to refuse. There are socially acceptable ways to get around the awkwardness of "going dutch," for example, "you get the first round, I'll get the second round."

CP-3 · 2013-12-28T21:34:14+00:00

THIS. I always wondered what was a good wy to figure out how to pay on a date; I mean, if I asked her out I'll be willing to pay for her, but it sucks to always be paying for girls that don't reciprocate or turn out to be flakes and you won't be seeing again.

roobosh · 2013-12-29T00:29:30+00:00

yeah, i agree with some of what you say but

You're broke. She isn't a gold digger necessarily, but she wants to be with a man that can take her out. Someone who can provide and support for her, potentially, if things get serious.That's fair.

Simply, no, it's not fair. I don't go judging women on their ability to support me and so i'm not gonna put up with it from someone else. i shouldn't be supporting them, they should be supporting themselves.

scenny · 2013-12-29T00:44:37+00:00

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zacharycbrown13 · 2013-12-28T23:26:19+00:00

What I usually do is if the date has gone well I say "I got this." If she argues, I tell her "Well you can cover it next time" while giving her a coy look. It may seem a tad corny, but it works and tends to save me money in the long run by alternating who pays for dates.

CrankRED · 2013-12-29T20:04:48+00:00

I would add- the biggest mistake is paying for an expensive dinner thinking that will buy sex. guaranteed to backfire. thats for anniversaries.

say i know a great taqueria and take her to a hip seeming cheap place.

HeroicPrinny · 2013-12-30T09:23:32+00:00

I'm curious, do people here think attractive, interesting guys who are on a date where the woman is into them is going to majorly destabilize their position by paying for a date? (Granted it's not something obviously beta-overkill wining and dining)

If anything the bigger gamble is making it confusing and awkward by trying to split. Taking the check and paying is dominate and easy. It's easy enough to say, "hey, I invited you, I got it." If the date went well. By all means, if it sucked, do whichever.

I think this is one of those non-issues, outside of the obvious don't be beta and just throw money around to win people's affection because you are compensating.

i_forget_my_userids · 2013-12-28T23:00:48+00:00

My guideline for paying: don't.

Unless you're actually exclusive, you shouldn't cover everything.

Sr_Wafffles · 2013-12-29T14:20:21+00:00

TLDR but here's my strategy: http://www.rsdnation.com/node/505768

Venage · 2013-12-29T04:56:08+00:00

I still don't understand. In this scenario, what should I do?

I meet up with a girl at a coffee shop, and it's my idea. I don't want to pay for her out of principal, I think we should split it.

Do I go up to the counter and leave her to order hers without saying anything, do I discuss it beforehand, or what?

I'll pay for it if she really wants me to, but how do I know it'll lower her opinion of me?

goobersmooch · 2013-12-28T22:26:30+00:00

Man pays. If you are too broke to pay for your lady, dont go out.

Title	A Guide to Paying for Dates
Author	scenny
Upvotes	116
Comments	42
Date	December 28, 2013 8:38 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1tw9p4/a_guide_to_paying_for_dates/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/a-guide-to-paying-for-dates.1363637 https://theredarchive.com/post/1363637

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