Advice on building sexual confidence?

itseemstoberaining · 2013-07-06T20:56:59+00:00

The reason you're not having sex is because you feel shame and fear, and now you are asking for more reading material before you can go and have sex. It's classic avoidance!

Not that I disapprove of your willingness to learn, but be aware of this. This is mostly an emotional issue - sexual shame and anxiety - and unfortunately this is mostly solved by doing precisely what you are avoiding.

Also be aware that sex, especially during a one-night stand, is never perfect, and often a little awkward. She has insecurities as well, not just you. Sex is an intimate thing! By accepting this and being vulnerable, instead of hiding your anxiety from her, and connecting with her emotionally and not just sexually, you can get awesome intimacy, even when the sex is not amazing. And, furthermore, intimacy and connection alone are enough to make sex memorable.

But anyway, being good in bed is awesome, and it's something you can learn. If you want to read, check out The Sex God Method by Dan Rose and David Shade's material. (Note that the only way to learn the skills and mindsets prescribed by these authors is to apply them in real life, and the first few (dozen) times will still be awkward and uncomfortable. That's life. NOBODY is good in bed the first few times!) If you're concerned with overcoming sexual shame in particular, check out Mark Manson's Sexual Confidence Course.

NaturalAFC · 2013-07-06T21:30:47+00:00

If you're worried about shooting early, try kegels. They work really well. Just don't overdo them or you won't be able to finish, which is just as disappointing.

MasterCharlz · 2013-07-06T22:27:26+00:00

Something to think about that may help you in the future: If you can make them come first, they are usually more accepting if you perform poorly afterwards. oral or finger the girl to orgasm before having sex with her

SupperTime · 2013-07-06T22:46:09+00:00

I had one of my good friends, who I am attracted to, sleep over last week. We got drunk and we went to my place to sleep. Slept in the same bed, but I couldn't get myself to touch her -- and it seemed like she wanted it. I hate it, I felt so ashamed of having her here... It was like I was breaking some sort of code and that doesn't even make sense. I still can't get myself to be intimate with girls, even though I'm usually surrounded by them.

God damn.

FapFeelsLikeCrap · 2013-07-06T21:21:37+00:00

Not sure if you have Erectile Disfunction issues; if so you should Google "Your Brain on Porn" and check out /r/NoFap or /r/PornFree. ED was a major problem for me until I made the connection between ED and chronic masturbation and porn. Now that I've quit I'm a stellar performer every time and no longer worry about whether my wang will work, which leads to a great deal of confidence. If ED isn't your problem, maybe you can elaborate on why the sex isn't working so well for you...

fartuckyfartbandit · 2013-07-06T23:07:33+00:00

What I've told my students who suffer from this, is attach a brick to your standards and start fucking anything...with condoms of course! Fuck the shit out of some land whale for all I care, make her day, and because she's someone you wouldn't normally "date" you'll feel less pressure about fucking up--and you can just fuck. Treat the entire sexual activity as sexual practice. Because that's how you get good at sex; practice. It's really not rocket science. The only way to build sexual confidence is to take the plunge into some clunge.

Don't be disrespectful or rude (here I am saying that after calling her a landwhale lol), and after you're done keep an open mind--who knows maybe you'll actually like her. She's a human being, and she should be treated as such. That being said, don't forget what you're there for. Getting better at sex--so make it a point of trying new moves, and reacting to her reactions. This might sound stupid, but take notes.

If you're wondering how do you even get to that point of fucking anything--the trick is to be open with your intentions. Also, here's a little trick. It'll sound like a dove commercial but if you look hard enough, all women are sexy. Don't succumb to your friends' taunts, "I'd never fuck that fat piece of shit", because maybe's she's a 5, and maybe she's not the one for you, but maybe she's got a fucking gorgeous ass or something. Just look a bit deeper and you'll find something to get the blood bumping.

Vanity_Shmamity · 2013-07-07T00:43:33+00:00

Best advice I can give is, just have fun. Me, I have fun getting the girls off. That's what built my confidence from day one. Learn how they like the dick to be given. Each one may be different, but they're all kinda the same in that department. But having fun is the biggest part. If you're nervous, other people will notice.

I'm in sales, and let me tell you. Confidence is the key to EVERYTHING in life. So hell, do what you have to do. Get drunk if you have to. But do whatever it takes to make it to where once you're taking a girl home, all you can think of is "I'm about to make this bitch love me". Guess what? They will damn near every time. If you believe it, it'll happen.

jspliff1 · 2013-07-07T01:03:07+00:00

Have more sex

Revolutionis_Myname · 2013-07-07T04:01:43+00:00

Workout yo

2013-07-07T03:26:00+00:00

most girls don't come from sex, and most guys only fuck for 10-20 minutes before they're tired.

All dating is foreplay. The 10 hours that you talk to her before she gets fucked is all foreplay.

Just keep in mind, what I'm doing right now is leading up to amazing sex. Let the tension build. Then release it during sex.

duroudes · 2013-07-07T01:23:40+00:00

blah blah blah the answer is practice

ThrowawayPUA · 2013-07-07T05:34:29+00:00

You build sexual confidence by experience: having lots of sex with a variety of different women. Women are glad to show you what they want and to help you give it to them.

2013-07-07T05:40:33+00:00

Experience

SecondSophistic · 2013-07-07T07:55:33+00:00

Don't know why nobody has mentioned it, but seriously. /r/sex is so informative. Read through their FAQ/sidebar stuff. You wil come out a much better person.

leodoestheopposite · 2013-07-07T11:44:17+00:00

JUst build confidence in general, then it will permeate in every aspect of your persona.

This is a good start: http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/s9m4b/the_definitive_guide_to_confidence/

readonlyuser · 2013-07-08T18:03:55+00:00

If you've never had a long-term sexual partner, do that first, i.e. get a girlfriend.

Title	Advice on building sexual confidence?
Author	scubaseduction
Upvotes	113
Comments	34
Date	July 6, 2013 7:24 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1hrgfa/advice_on_building_sexual_confidence/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/advice-on-building-sexual-confidence.1301035 https://theredarchive.com/post/1301035

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