Another date ruined because I keep going to boring conversation on the first date.

Kinspiracy · 2022-02-10T05:22:43+00:00

Find a way to be in your element during the date! Maybe take them somewhere that you would normally enjoy. A gamer may feel more comfortable at an arcade for their date, etc. (just an example, because I’m a nerd) It’s difficult for me to break out of my shell around new people too :(

Silver-Variation8903 · 2022-02-10T10:50:28+00:00

It’s not that the topics you discuss are boring. It’s how you discuss them is boring.

Find a way to talk about those topics in an entertaining and charismatic way.

RSNK10 · 2022-02-10T05:26:52+00:00

Your probably trying to talk too much (because of nerves). Try to listen more and flirt. Keep it simple

Low-Bread9747 · 2022-02-10T05:30:54+00:00

You must learn listen

surferguy999 · 2022-02-10T06:52:26+00:00

Sounds like you don’t know how to flirt / show sexual interest.

They show up, they like you, and then realize you don’t have the guts to make a move and treat you like another friend.

You need to show clear sexual interest in her, you’re not looking to be friends. You want to date / sleep with her. Focus on escalating from convo, to light touch, to kiss, etc.

helpMeOut9999 · 2022-02-10T05:33:29+00:00

Sorry to hear that. I have CPTSD and have suffered from person-interfacing anxiety since childhood. As a result over analyze everything I do ad nauseum.

When anxiety seems out of your control, a therapist can really help by giving you managing techniques. Personally, i benefitted from learning to sense the rising stress, acknowledge it, and then ground myself in reality. Basically, meditation and mindfulness & cognitive behavioral therapy. To help this I like to consider the biology happening; my frontal lobe is being trained to overcome more primitive, unreasonable stress producing parts of the brain like the amygdala or whatevs. Not a neurologist. Monkey brain > lizard brain.

The stress stops you from truly being authentic and comfortable, seems. This impedes you in all regards, no fun, not helpful.

TLDR - practice mindfulness - therapy will help more than any Redditor ever could.

Travis_Varga · 2022-02-10T05:50:28+00:00

Try Models: Attract Women Through Honesty by Mark Manson for advice on developing stories to tell during dating.

Also, you might not be picking suitable women for yourself well through online dating. Maybe try meeting women through your career or hobbies.

littles_secret · 2022-02-10T06:34:40+00:00

If I did this every date I’d literally get to my date, do it, catch my self, and laugh.

I’d laugh when I could tell we both found it boring and say “I really do have a personality but for some reason I keep asking these cliche questions and I just can’t help myself” well smiling.

When I openly acknowledge that and laugh about it it makes it light hearted for both people and let’s them know this isn’t the real you

Minute-Lie-2287 · 2022-02-10T15:55:49+00:00

Make the date less about the date and more about fun. Make it something you actually want to do anyway. And move venues, two or three places takes the pressure off of you to be interesting.

That's just step one...which may give you a successful first date some of the time... even if can barely flirt.

Sounds like you need a bit more second date help though from your replies about escalation....but, one step at a time.

incognito3107 · 2022-02-10T06:24:40+00:00

Be careful, dropping knowledge bomb -> talking is the dimension of women.

Focus more on activities that you do there, modulate your voice to seductive and full of emotions, pay attention to your and her body language, provide proper environment for spending your time.

Kind-Standard-536 · 2022-02-10T06:32:09+00:00

Idk man, you have to first tell yourself you don’t care of the outcome. If you stop worrying so much of the outcome it should stop you a little from overthinking, And also help you be yourself since you say you’re charismatic.

Not sure what you think you have to lose from being yourself but clearly not showing your authentic self is definitely making you lose

agileipa · 2022-02-10T07:17:45+00:00

Wow I could say a few things here. I used to have this issue when I first started out. I can honestly tell you that it was 100 in my head. I cared way too much about what she is thinking. Once I detached and honestly was there to have a good time and entertain it was much easier.

More practical advice is to just have fun, take a few mins before she shows up and think of a funny story or something that makes you laugh. Also the first date questions are so so lame. When they ask me those I will typically give sarcastic or funny answers. One date I had recently that was really fun I straight out said okay no more getting to know you questions, whoever asks another one has to take a shot. Also remember girls are attracted to guys who’s feelings are unclear. You’re on a date trying to sell yourself. Do you want to read the manual of whatever product you’re thinking about buying? Fuck no, you want to try it out, take it for a spin.

Tripp advice has a thing called chick crack or something like that. Just google Tripp advice and chick crack and you will find it. It’s like a set of questions that you can ask that women love to answer. One example is like what is your perfect day? Trivia is also very very good for first dates.

Tell her you will answer every single demographic question on your next date if she is entertaining enough to get a second date.

Also like others are saying. Listen. She should be doing 80% of the talking while you look at her engaged and slightly hiding your thoughts on if she is actually interesting enough. Also enjoy the silence. Bring it up. Make fun of it.

Here you go

https://youtu.be/BJi6bmtBv6I

Victory4Life · 2022-02-10T12:08:31+00:00

This was an issue for me for years. A lot of stuff improved from trial and error, and reading/watching Corey Wayne’s materials was eye opening too. A couple of tips that have helped me was too be as laid back as possible and let her do most of the talking. Ask her questions and kinda of ricochet off of her points. When she asks you, try to not give a long speech but just a simple answer and try to put some humor in there. Then put the ball back in her court. If you talk too much you dissipate a lot of tension and mystique which builds attraction; this was a BIG lesson for me since I hated silences and would talk over everything to keep the awkwardness at bay. But some that is ok. Also if you really like her during these silences, you need to drop in a few smiles and cute glances as well. Try to be flirty and lay off the heavy topics. One other trick is if the girl is on her phone a lot, calling her out on that, like “really keeping busy there huh?“; that for whatever reason seems to elicit a positive response. The hardest one but also effective is to walk her to her car, tell her you had a good night, and go kiss her. That will top the date on a positive emotional note that women respond to or if it she kinda avoids then at least will give you a check on how you are perceived with her and to prep you to move on. Usually wait a couple to call back for a second date, instead of calling the next day. Then if she answers ask her some quick questions, try to reference something from the date, and then set a time for another date and hang up. Again don’t be phone buddies at least yet. If she is “busy” though I’d probably say no sweat and call again in a few days. If she ghosts or says she’s “busy” again, just say you understand and to call if she changes her mind, and then hang up and don’t look back. Not worth it at that point, and you walking away can sometimes bring them back. That’s happened before with my last gf. Again just some tips that seem to help but nothing is set in stone; you might be back at her place cuddling on night one just because everything clicked so your gut instinct is sometimes your best option over rules.

thelambofdeth · 2022-02-10T13:40:09+00:00

I wish I could get dates to ruin lol

Title	Another date ruined because I keep going to boring conversation on the first date.
Author	helpMeOut9999
Upvotes	3
Comments	42
Date	February 10, 2022 5:18 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/soyi82/another_date_ruined_because_i_keep_going_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/another-date-ruined-because-i-keep-going-to-boring.1267109 https://theredarchive.com/post/1267109

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