Authenticity when dating

Practical-Macaroon38 · 2024-10-28T03:39:00+00:00

Asking a girl who isn’t interested in you in giving you constructive feedback is pointless. They want to be nice so they’ll sugarcoat around the truth because they don’t want to offend you.

It’s like going to an extremely ugly person & pointing out every physical detail that makes them ugly. Most people would leave out a few details here or there in order to be nice, because they themselves don’t want to feel like an asshole.

Does a new fisherman go for advice on how to catch fish to an experienced fisherman or to a fish?

Obviously, being authentic means that you shouldn’t 100% completely fake who you are as a person, but you do need to switch up how you present yourself & how you interact with a girl during a date.

Sometimes it’s a few minor changes & sometimes it’s a lot of changes… so yes there will be some change. We all gradually change each day anyways.

fsuite · 2024-10-28T04:01:30+00:00

This is the entire concept of the blue pill. The girl represents society and her advice represents standard messages and cultural narratives about dating & relationships. It's full of bullshit, but the fiction exists because it is a lie that makes people comfortable. The way the real world works is stressful. Telling a young person who is obviously concerned about dating that "things may not work out" is hard to do.

How can he discover what factor about his personality is getting in his own way?

You have to figure it out. Try different things, look to different role models. Perhaps record yourself and work on any problems you notice.

Battosai21 · 2024-10-29T03:11:33+00:00

They have a societal benefit from lying and giving false optimism. If you incentivize them though, they’d be willing to tell the truth.

“If I get 10 girl’s numbers today from your advice, I’ll pay you $1000”. She’ll list out how your hair is ugly, you don’t dress right, wear deodorant at least and some cologne, stop being goofy, be confident/less ugly etc. They’ll feed you disney channels bs until it comes at a cost to them.

Small-Acanthaceae567 · 2024-10-28T05:22:23+00:00

Self review I have found is far more useful than asking any girl on advice. Part of it is that most girls don't understand WHY they like or don't like a guy if it isn't obvious.

As an example, I had a girl recently tell me that I was " perfect" but that she didn't feel attracted to me sexually. She couldn't explain why at all. However I found that it was a number of things I wasn't doing, and that I also was still working through my last break up. I only found out about those thing after coming here and listening to guys (not girls) on YouTube.

TLDR, the best thing to do, is look at what you do when you interact with women and then go through a list of the things you should be doing.

I guarantee your probably not ticking one or more of those boxes.

rrlzsrnc · 2024-10-28T19:24:28+00:00

yeah women are liars and they say it's because they're trying to be nice but bottom line they are liars, generally speaking, in the vast majority of cases. They are afraid of speaking plainly so they leave you to figure it out.

Yes women are afraid of hurting men's feelings, so they instead send him down bad paths but I don't blame them. That just feeds into their narrative. It's enough to just say what they are. Liars. Not in a hateful way but they mostly deflect and lie. They are the unreliable narrators. You can force the truth out of them but you have to probe and prod. That's the only way you get the truth. Don't hate them but don't trust them.

kubisfowler · 2024-10-28T20:40:06+00:00

dating “market” urghhfgh. ew. Market necessitates transactions, dating doesn't function like that.

PleaseDontBeTakenPlz · 2024-10-31T12:09:00+00:00

Both genders are bad at this. I wouldn’t put much thought into asking the opposite gender for constructive criticism because you’ll get a lot of “we don’t like this”, “be straightforward here”, “you’re so nice but…”, etc.

Like some other comments said you need to start being extremely self aware. Understand every thing that you’re currently doing. Dissect that behavior. Learn what’s authentic and what you value. Get rid of everything else and start focusing on small tweaks/baby steps to get rid of the behavior.

ie. if a girl says you’re too nice, you don’t want to completely pivot into being mean. It’s not who you are. You want to reflect on that entire experience and ask yourself “where was i being overly accommodating?”.

If it’s too late to reflect on an old experience, meet new women and reflect as you go. I do this with men. A lot of men online say “we love it when women do xyz” but tested in reality, it doesn’t work that way. Or women’s dating advice is basically “exist in the vicinity of men” and basically only dirtbags and creeps hit on us.

I’m guessing you struggle with the reverse. Male advice saying “go get the woman you want” and women saying “be yourself and the right one will come”. And those are opposite sides of the same coin. Nuance comes with field reports and self reflection. Study what the opposite gender says, watch what they do.

rich_god · 2024-10-28T04:28:34+00:00

That’s where having true friends becomes handy. Real friends will not try to please you and will tell you your shadows even if it hurts. The more friends like that you have (especially if they are good at seeing through your bullshit), the more reflections you can have.

This whole process is called shadow work by the way, you can look it up.

Artist-in-Residence- · 2024-10-28T08:06:22+00:00

I’ve found most girls are too afraid of hurting a guy’s feelings, so when it comes to dating I’ve been termed too nice, but, that I should keep being my authentic self and meet other girls. What this translates to (I assume) is that the girl is saying no and can’t give constructive feedback to me that I can use to implement on my next date/encounter.

"Too nice" means that you come off as boring or too submissive for women. You need to inject wit and humour to attract women.

Dandys3107 · 2024-10-28T08:03:41+00:00

I guess it still sticks with the rule of gradual escalation. You don’t wanna be too comfortable around a total stranger, it’s advised to match each other’s involvement. Generally you need to figure out things yourself, present the frame that you can maintain. Big thing is also about observing girl’s reactions and body language, if you pay attention you can subconsciously feel where and how to steer your interaction to meet on the common ground. And if she doesn’t like your frame, what you can do, you don’t expect to fake some persona all the way, right? Besides, it shouldn’t be like guessing how to be a perfect guy in girl’s mind, but to push sexual masculine agenda which will naturally make her attracted due to women’s genetical conditioning. She may not like you picking your nose, but if you can make her wet and fuck her good, why would she care. In the end, she may even feel attracted to you breaking her rules.

norwegiandoggo · 2024-10-28T06:19:28+00:00

They told you that you're too nice. This often means you come across as too low on assertiveness and that you're being too insecure and simpy, or seducing too slow (like waiting too long to ask them out).

Women will very often tell guys what they're doing wrong or what parts of their approach or personality turned them off. But the problem is that we all have an ego-defense, so when they tell us it tends to go in one ear and out the other. We don't hear what they said, because the information is painful to take in. So then we wrongly end up thinking women never give us feedback.

But sometimes a guy is just not their physical type. So they're not going to say "well i think you're ugly". It's not always a personality thing. People often have a strong physical taste preference, like they only like guys with a certain height, body shape, hair- or eye color, so any feedback on that will be pointless. Watch "love is blind" and see how many people with amazing personality match get rejected after they see each other in person.

Title	Authenticity when dating
Author	poopythrowawayacc
Upvotes	22
Comments	19
Date	October 28, 2024 3:31 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1gdsy7n/authenticity_when_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/authenticity-when-dating.1534360 https://theredarchive.com/post/1534360

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