“Be yourself” really is the best advice

causeNo · 2020-11-03T11:48:30+00:00

The problem with this advice is not so much it's validity, the problem is that it is not actionable.

If people knew how to be themselves or accept themselves or love themselves they would just do it. It's like saying to a person with nerve damage in their arm: "Just straighten your arm". People are painfully aware of their lack in that department. Reminding them that their arm isn't working doesn't help at all. Maybe even puts you down more, because people obviously don't even understand your problem. If I have nerve damage, I haven't forgotten to use my arm, I don't have the means to. Looking at people who can move their arm also doesn't really help. The only thing that helps is an actionable way out.

What is needed is words of affirmation and actionable advice. Something like, I don't know, "You have nerve damage in your arm. It sucks and it's unfair, but you will have to put in some work to achieve what others simply get. But there's a way. There are other people who made it. At your stage, the first thing you need to do is, take this therapy ball into your healthy arm and massage your damaged arm for ten minutes a day. 5 minutes in the morning, five minutes in the evening before going to bed. This will have effect XY. You should experience this and that. The next step will be this and that, but let's worry about that later. For now, we concentrate on restoring your feeling in the out skin."

And so on and so on. The advice should obviously be from a competent person and actually work.

WeakEmu8 · 2020-11-03T15:16:03+00:00

If "be yourself" worked, this sub wouldn't exist.

FelixBaudelaireDor98 · 2020-11-03T16:52:16+00:00

Lol cute advice. Totally worthless. I was never fond of myself and neither were other people. So I decided to forcibly change. I like the new me a lot more.

Besides, there is no such thing as a "self". A self is just an idea we tell ourselves about who we are.

This "be yourself" advice is shit because it's like saying "find your self". A self can't be found; it's made.

The person you want to be is more you than you are now because that's the self you want to create.

LoveMagnetMaker · 2020-11-03T17:15:57+00:00

It needs to be said that many people, maybe even you reading this right now, are living a lie without knowing it.

Think of it this way: If you grow up with people around you saying "you're worthless, you're shit, you're nothing" then because you had no other frame of reference you're inclined to believe them. So you grow up acting like that's true, and at a certain point you forget why you even act that way. Most people don't examine their life at all, most people are never truly and deeply introspective. So what they believe is their "self" is really just a learned response to what they've been given in the world.

If you want to know what being yourself looks like, watch a group of children. Right around age 3 or 4, assuming they haven't been in an abusive household, you'll see how people really are. Notice how 3 and 4 year olds are usually happy most of the time, they're creative, they're playful, and when they have feelings they let everyone know it. As we grow up, we develop coping mechanisms, we take on self-limiting beliefs, and we inadvertently change ourselves into a person that we think we SHOULD be or that we're SUPPOSED TO be.

So when you hear "be yourself" it's easy to hear "just keep doing what you're doing" but that's because you haven't done any deep introspection into who you ACTUALLY are. There's a reason it's painful to talk to women when you're not being authentic, it's because it's difficult to keep putting on this front and they can tell you're performing instead of just sharing your natural inner light.

Your natural state is happiness. Period. If you're not happy it's because you're taking on beliefs or doing actions that aren't in tune with your true nature. Your emotions are pointers to your true authentic self. Whatever you do that makes you happy is who you truly are. And if the RESULT of speaking to women (love, sex, companionship) is what you want, but the PROCESS of speaking to women (awkwardness, insecurity, confusion) is painful for you, then you just need a new process. And this can be taught.

Great post OP, I hear exactly what you're saying.

mostafa1022 · 2020-11-22T13:19:46+00:00

What if i do not like who i am?

TheXXL · 2020-11-04T09:50:16+00:00

I think what you meant is: "be the best version of yourself".

Title	“Be yourself” really is the best advice
Author	deathbecomesme123456
Upvotes	24
Comments	17
Date	November 3, 2020 11:04 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/jn8e92/be_yourself_really_is_the_best_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/be-yourself-really-is-the-best-advice.1505078 https://theredarchive.com/post/1505078

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