Can a nice guy actually become a bad/confident guy?

TheHeecheeBoys · 2025-06-28T14:43:02+00:00

There aren’t just two types of guys.

You can be a good, assertive man with an outgoing personality who isn’t afraid to tease and seduce women.

Wanting to have sex with women is natural and you shouldn’t feel any sense of shame for it. That ultimately strikes me as your problem, you’re stuck in these polarising ideas when you actually just need to grow a pair, and rid yourself of this decadent ideology in which there are stereotypical nice guys and bad boys existing at opposite ends of the spectrum.

DeadDog_N_Space · 2025-06-28T15:05:30+00:00

Not being a nice guy doesn’t mean you have to be a bad guy. Also, you don’t have to fake it. Here are some suggestions.

Stop being so agreeable. Disagree whenever you can, but be honest about it. If you don’t agree with something that she says, then ask her about it.
Don’t always be available for her. Do not rearrange your schedule so that you can meet with her. You have your own life and that is priority.
Take the lead in the relationship. You make the plans, you make the decisions, and do not ask her “Where do you want to go and what do you want to do”? By finding out what she likes, you will lead her where she already wants to go.

Being a Christian does not mean you have to submit to the woman. Actually, from my experience in Christianity, the woman is supposed to submit to the man according to the Bible.

Do not be overly chivalrous. Yes, a woman will appreciate it if you get the car door for her, but don’t do it every time, and do not walk all the way around the car and go out of your way to get it for her. Do not bend over backwards for her. Do not do favors every time she asks. If she asks you for a favor, you need to have her do something for you in return.
Be selective when giving out compliments. Do not compliment her on her physical appearance. If you are going to give her a compliment, then you need to be unique. Tell her how she has good style or a pure heart or something genuine. Women have been getting compliments on their physical appearance ever since they hit puberty, and it is not going to be a way to impress them.
Do not try to impress her. You can casually bring things up in conversation without doing it in a way that she thinks you are bragging.
Follow the 80/20 rule. An example would be is if she gives you five compliments then you give her four. If she wants to see you five days a week then you see her four. This principle is to always leave her wanting more.

Feel free to DM me with any Questions or if you want clarification on something.

shlomobo · 2025-06-28T14:38:46+00:00

You can change a lot about your personality. You just have to be patient. It takes a lot of time. In your case it might take years.

First: Seek therapy. It will definitely help you. You have been raised with a toxic construct of „love“ and self worth. This is not something you can easily change by yourself.

Then seek for an environment and people that will help you to become what you want to be. Go to a larger city and hang out with people that go out and meet women. Practice approaching women online and offline on the streets, go on dates etc. It‘s a lot of energy you have to put in but it‘s worth it.

cons_ssj · 2025-06-28T17:11:08+00:00

"Nice guy" means that always put others needs as a priority. Never sets boundaries. His opinion doesn't matter and can be changed easily by others.

Changing state of mind takes many months if not years. You either need a therapist to get some guidance or other resources (books, videos etc).

The first thing is to start prioritizing what you want. Start saying "no" politely. Then reflect on the interaction. What were the consequences? Why you couldn't say no before? Start evaluating your social circle. How much time do you dedicate to your friends and your family? How much time is left for you? How others are treating you? Do they always take from you? Do you understand where and when you should place healthy boundaries?

In time, you might end up on the selfish side for a period till you calibrate and find the sweet spot. Be careful, you don't want to end up being a j*rk selfish argumentative person. "Smoothing out" the behaviors takes practice and experience, so be patient.

immaSandNi-woops · 2025-06-28T14:40:57+00:00

If you’re nice just because you’re people pleasing, then you’re not nice. A nice guy is nice because they inherently want to be nice.

The “bad” guy reputation largely comes from guys who just say what they’re feeling without considering the repercussions. Basically, saying whatever they’re feel like saying even if they think it won’t sit well with other people in the same room. This also applies to women.

Complex_Box6980 · 2025-06-28T14:59:56+00:00

Your personality will change if you want To change it of course

Certain_Process_7657 · 2025-06-28T15:57:56+00:00

It's pretty tough to make that transformation. Only real way that comes to mind is getting with an absolute freak who encourages you to be real rough/degrading in bed and tells you how much she loves it. Had a few like that in my early twenties and that got me into rough sex, but I wouldn't ever have called myself a nice guy even before then. Always been pretty confident/assertive.

Immediate-Chemist-59 · 2025-06-28T16:35:32+00:00

tldr. nice guy = talk to agree with other people "bad guy" = talk what he thinks

epimpstyle · 2025-06-28T17:15:22+00:00

You can be a "nice guy" as long as you're optimistic, friendly, positive, and PLAYFUL. I wrote PLAYFUL with capslock because it's the most important of these things. If you're playful, you'll wink at a girl if she looks at you, you'll punch her shoulder if she says something funny, you'll spank her butt because there was a bee, you will bump with your hip into her.... etc...

This "playful" approach will make you a "bad boy" while you're still nice and polite to her. Just remember that too much politeness is boring and just as bad as being a complete idiot... you need to find a middle ground.

EsotericRonin · 2025-06-28T15:37:18+00:00

Were you Mormon per chance? I was never taught to stay away from girls or relationships.

mysterieblik · 2025-06-28T15:51:08+00:00

Sucks to hear it man, being raised religious as a guy sucks. You can change it though, read no more mr nice guy and go to therapy or do self-therapy. Another book that can help is the chimp paradox. I recommend you try changing your internal beliefs before you try dating, though at the same time also don't use that as an excuse to procrastinate for months and months.

EDIT: also, women don't want 'bad guys' generally speaking i.e. they will actively filter out bad men. However, they want confident men. They sometimes end up with bad guys because bad guys areobviously not going to be open about the fact that they are bad guys

parkthehorse04 · 2025-06-28T17:32:41+00:00

From a woman's perspective, just don't be a doormat and you're fine. Also just talk to a woman and let her know that you're interested by maybe subtly commenting on her beauty and/or her character. None of these dudes know what they're saying.

VelvetSinclair · 2025-06-28T17:42:16+00:00

Read the book "No More Mr Nice Guy"

It's not what you think. It's written by a psychologist and it's all about working on yourself. About how being a Nice Guy isn't good for you, those around you, and isn't healthy or even really nice.

Also, the opposite of a Nice Guy isn't a Bad Boy. It's a Good Man.

A Good Man will stand up for himself and what he wants or believes in. When he does this to a woman when it won't please her, it shows her that he's strong enough to stand up for her when the time comes too.

ThatDarnSmell · 2025-06-28T17:43:27+00:00

You can be a nice guy as in a gentleman. It's good manners to open doors for her, to take the traffic side of the sidewalk when walking, pay for dates, etc. But don't be afraid to disagree, say no and so forth. That doesn't mean be a contrarian or act like an asshole. But you want to set healthy boundaries, display your personality, and to find middle ground.

Don't cancel time with friends and family to go on dates. If you don't like something, let her know but also try to remedy something that you both can enjoy. Try not to make it one sided. Don't take her to a baseball game if she's bored to death over sports. But do try to communicate and find ways to explore and experience new things. You want balance. Communicate and compromise. She shouldn't be a pushover and neither should you.

Lenovo_Driver · 2025-06-28T17:50:57+00:00

None of what you wrote there is being a nice guy.

You're a socially undeveloped guy who was brainwashed by your family and church.

The church is filled with hypocrisy and being fake for appearances. That's being a nice guy, because a nice guy first and foremost is genuine to himself and others.

Title	Can a nice guy actually become a bad/confident guy?
Author	wolfme1997
Upvotes	27
Comments	17
Date	June 28, 2025 2:27 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1lmo3mq/can_a_nice_guy_actually_become_a_badconfident_guy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/can-a-nice-guy-actually-become-a-badconfident-guy.1555802 https://theredarchive.com/post/1555802

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