Caring level is over 9000

oval_volvo · 2012-04-25T00:31:46+00:00

When I talk to my friends often times I have to slow down, not think about what I am saying more, but literally speak slowly. Friends don't get bored in a conversation so don't worry so much about proper talking/listening etiquette. I slow down, build up a thought for them and then listen intently to his reply, not because I know I should, but because I want to, naturally, he's my friend.

legendofpasta · 2012-04-25T01:22:16+00:00

There are some great posts already, but I'll throw my two cents at you:

Talk to as many people as you can. The security guard, the cashier, the waitress. Do it so often, and get so familiar with it, that talking to people of ANY importance level is just another conversation out of the 100 you'll have today. Really. When its 1 of 5, it seems a bit rough doesn't it? When its one of such a multitude, its not as important, and you've basically rehearsed a lot of things you could say already.

Also: When I'm going on a hot date, and she's HOT and I start to feel myself regressing into nice guy mode, I have a bit of a mantra. I repeat in my head "I'm the prize - I'm the prize - I'm The Prize" and basically remind myself that I'm the prize, and she already likes me, and I can do no wrong because I'M THE PRIZE. Say it enough and you'll believe it. Smile :) You're the prize. They're lucky to be talking to you.

aleifur · 2012-04-25T01:07:10+00:00

A phrase I heard recently (I think here in seddit actually) that sums it up for me is: "Respect your-self more than you respect other people"

Notice that it is not implied that you should "not give a fuck... (1)" but that you should put others behind you, i.e. respect your-self 1st, respect others 2nd, but do show them respect if you feel they deserve it. Just call them on their bullshit when you are not happy with them. This includes any issues they might have with you speaking your mind ON ANY SUBJECT IN ANY WAY AT ANY TIME.

(1) ...about what others think of you so you are free to act as you "truly" want to. Is my own add-on to that wonderful phrase, and if you add that to it, then Please do indeed not give a fuck :)

ThatZBear · 2012-04-25T01:40:00+00:00

Wow, I'm getting more feedback than I expected and I am appreciating all of it. It really puts things into perspective when legendofpasta says that the importance level of any conversation should generally be the same. I'll be using all the advice you guys are dishing out, and then eventually try to formulate my own little way of going about business in life.

I think we should all push ourselves into as much social interaction as possible, both for the new experiences and as an exercise to train ourselves to come out of our "shells" or whatever metaphor you'd like to throw in there. Thanks again for all the responses!

redditor3000 · 2012-04-25T00:42:32+00:00

It's hard to verbally convince yourself to not give a fuck. The best way to become less reactive to situations is to constantly face your fears by being yourself around the people you care about everyday.

fuckthisall1 · 2012-04-25T00:50:11+00:00

I'm sorry...

BehindtheHype · 2012-04-25T00:59:19+00:00

That's a really curious dilemma. For most people, it's the exact opposite: they aren't comfortable with strangers, but are completely at peace with their loved ones.

Do you maybe recall when this started? Has it always been tough for you, or maybe more recently? Any specific events surrounding it?

clips_phrases · 2012-04-25T06:35:10+00:00

The thing with friends is that they give you slack for being an your regular, oddball self. One of my good friends every now and then will straight up say how weird I am, but glad to be around me because of it. It makes me feel good to know I don't have to act a certain way around him.

I'm currently in the opposite situation as you are in now. I have been practicing eye contact and smiling at strangers, but I've almost never engaged a set yet because I can't get over my irrational fear of having nothing to say, sounding boring, or even weird and creepy, and I end up avoiding the situation altogether.

I will definitely be following a lot of the advice from these other posts, specifically:

Speaking slower
Take a step back and embrace the silence
Being comfortable with putting/verbalizing my needs first

5yy · 2012-04-25T09:42:30+00:00

Dude I was 100% like u!!!!!!!!!

Here's the way to beat that. When u talk to a pretty girl for some reason u think u gotta impress them. Keep talking. Entertain them. Prove ur worth talking to. If u do that. The nerves will get to u and u will fail

What it comes down to. Is don't think about "what do they want me to talk about" it has to b "I have these interests. This is what I will talk about."

Ie. I remember I would b like "this girl does music. I should bring up music" and then I get so caught up in forcing the conversation catering to music and things I THINK she'll like and wanna talk about I can't just let the conversation b free flowing and natural.

How do u beat that? Talk about whatever u want. Don't impress them. Act is they have to impress u.

I walk up to the same girls and talked about Xbox and multiple cat ownership. When I do that the convo can b free flowing and natural. Then I can b funny and kind of have them trying to speak into what they r uncomfortable with.

It's a double edged sword too. One. Ur more comfortable. Two. Girls like a guy that can take them out of their element and introduce them to something exciting. Talk about ur passions and they can either latch on and b instantly intrigued. Or respond like " ew I hate cats " And u just saved urself so much time with a girl that u r incompatible with

I hope that helps. Because that made me 100% better. And I had ur same issue

Tl;dr. Don't care what they like. Talk about what u like. Genuinely Listen. And don't b concerned with catering to them

fluidkarma · 2012-04-25T13:38:15+00:00

How can you call them friends if they don't know who you really are?
Know yourself and don't be afraid
Stop giving a fuck, I mean, what are you really worried about?

Title	Caring level is over 9000
Author	ThatZBear
Upvotes	27
Comments	26
Date	April 24, 2012 11:37 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/sqt6v/caring_level_is_over_9000/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/caring-level-is-over-9000.1331719 https://theredarchive.com/post/1331719

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