DAE feel really motivated when making plans to go out but feel completely out of it when that day comes around??

FuzzyGunna · 2013-09-29T15:56:09+00:00

When you fantasize about what you're going to do you validate yourself and your plans. You call you're friends and talk it up to them and that helps validate you more. By the time you get to that night that moment has already been validated and you fear that it will go differently than you saw it going. You need to change so that you're not validated because you're going to do something or you're doing some thing but because you've done something. Whenever you get those thoughts of how good you're gonna be/ do on the weekend think about what your doing to progress your game right now. If the answer is nothing, then there's no reason to feel good about it.

inspireddev · 2013-09-29T16:45:35+00:00

The thing is, you're NEVER going to feel like it. You just have to do it. This ted talk explains more.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lp7E973zozc&list=WL56B451820FAC113F

kabrandon · 2013-09-29T14:39:31+00:00

You've got to force yourself. I'm the same way.

TheDoctorCoach · 2013-09-29T16:21:28+00:00

You're describing an effect psychologists call empathy gaps -- that you're in a different mood when you plan something than when you do it, so your emotions and motivations change.

Here is a series of posts that talks about them and how to use them to your advantage -- http://joshuaspodek.com/insidious-barriers-hard-part-1.

In terms of meeting girls, this is why I find warm-up sets so important. I don't care who I approach, as long as I get my first couple approaches in, they switch me from not approaching to approaching. And it's one of the skills I teach all my clients.

7SEG · 2013-09-29T15:36:57+00:00

I was exactly the same way. It came down to my social anxiety, so i forced myself out. One time I even solo'd an evening with 6 females all by myself and it went very well! Since then, I've always tried to force myself to go out when I know it's bound to be fun but I just "feel out of it" when the occasion arises. There's no point in forcing yourself out if you really don't want to, but I try to live by the motto "At life's end, the only regrets you will have are the things that you didn't do." A night out could turn out to be one of the best nights out you've ever had, and memories are priceless. I figured it's better than sitting inside and playing games while everyone else is socializing, and it has worked wonders.

circa7 · 2013-09-29T19:18:00+00:00

I get this.. It's almost a physical feeling of being tired, unable to focus, and a lesser desire to actually do said plans. To be honest, I attribute this to anxiety. Anxiety manifests itself in many ways, one of which is avoidant-type behavior which can present itself by being tired, down, and possibly even disoriented.

Mo_Lester69 · 2013-09-29T15:50:15+00:00

take a deep breath and reflect brother. ask yourself why are you doing what you are doing. then, realize its the god damn weekend and breaking bad finale is one tonight and exhale and know that you're not gunna get butt hurt so who cares? its cliche but clear youre mind, do what you gotta do, and have fun

choc_is_back · 2013-09-29T20:37:52+00:00

It helps to make vaguer plans. Vague, and different. Don't go to the same place, and perhaps have some different people than usual around, and don't put a friggin' number on your plans that you tie to its 'success', that's just asking to be afraid of failure.

I just realized an interesting rule of thumb I've used subconsciously all my life: make plans that consist of 'checking out' something. Think about it, that's both low-pressure and adventurous and a mindset for experiencing new things, including people.

So, go check out a new place, a new band, a new clubbing area, a new city. Check out things.

alphafuzard · 2013-09-29T21:17:30+00:00

Lil' secret about making changes to your normal routine. You will never feel like it. Get over it and do it anyway.

rasputin724 · 2013-09-30T09:47:04+00:00

LPT: don't make plans, just make going out and talking to girls a routine. When you make plans, you set your expectations too high and then get cold feet when you realize you might not meet your expectations. Make going out and talking to girls a part of who you are, not just something you do.

2013-09-29T23:51:05+00:00

[permanently deleted]

benzoic · 2013-09-29T18:49:12+00:00

Not just in relation to picking up women, but I had this trouble in general sometimes. What helped me the most was making sure I was planning to do things I actually enjoyed doing. You don't have to worry about meeting women. Plan a kick ass day of hiking or going to some event or whatever it is you like to do. After that, then you go out to the bar or club or whatever. Chances are you won't be worried about any of it and you'll find those women you want to talk to instead of trying to figure out which women want to talk to you.

XeroMotivation · 2013-09-29T20:36:44+00:00

This happens to me, too. I find the solution is to remember how much fun I have when I go out.

Captain_French · 2013-09-30T03:12:02+00:00

Don't care about feeling to do something. If you know it is good for you, do it. That's all. Life can be so simple.

itsmevichet · 2013-09-30T14:04:31+00:00

You've associated a lot of negativity with the plans that you've been making, consciously or unconsciously.

You've gotta soldier through it. Part of that is getting to a point where even a "bad night out" won't affect your mood and sense of self overall. Another part of that is just putting your time in and trying to meet new people.

If it helps you, as a beginner, forget about goals for a minute when you meet new people. Just meet them to learn how to approach and talk to them without pressure of getting numbers or SNLs or whatever it is you think success is. Just talk to people, and as many of them as you can. If the conversation is boring, excuse yourself and go meet someone else. If the conversation is cool, invite that person to hang out with you.

The bottom line is that your deficiency according to your friends is that you don't take action. The reason for that in 80 percent of people like you is that you aren't confident with your abilities to meet/talk to people. The catch-22 is that you have to meet and talk to people to get better at it.

So, get in the mud. You gotta dirty the hands if you wanna clean up your game.

Swagpacolypse2k12 · 2013-09-30T04:51:44+00:00

Sometimes I feel like that, but then I get drunk.

i_forget_my_userids · 2013-09-29T17:44:00+00:00

I thought this was a circlejerk post.

2013-09-29T15:23:58+00:00

Ya. I set up so many dates. And I always fkake

Title	DAE feel really motivated when making plans to go out but feel completely out of it when that day comes around??
Author	tchemie
Upvotes	300
Comments	61
Date	September 29, 2013 2:23 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ndj81/dae_feel_really_motivated_when_making_plans_to_go/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/dae-feel-really-motivated-when-making-plans-to-go.1359123 https://theredarchive.com/post/1359123

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