Keep getting ghosted after good first dates

CompetitionFair7686 · 2022-10-19T17:07:18+00:00

Don’t tell girls that you had a great time, or that you can’t wait to see them again. Let them wonder where they stand with you, be a mystery.

Hate to say it, and i know most women in the internet don’t ever admit this, but most women tend to be more intrigued by a man they feel they haven’t quite got him, than with a man they feel they already got.

It’s like, they love the challenge and the chase, and if you start saying “oh yeah i loved this date” “oh my god best date ever” “oh please let’s see each other again” “when can we meet up?” they lose interest super fast.

They can’t help it they might say they like it when a guy shows them a lot of interest and makes it super clear that they are interested, but in real life that’s not how it works more often than not.

You have to be a total mystery, they should not know if you had a great time with them, if they say they had a great time, you should say it was cool or fine, always show a bit less enthusiasm than them.

You can text them, but not be so eager to hang out again, just be chill, and let them wonder why you text them but yet don’t ask them out again.

They shouldn’t ever know what you truly are thinking, they should go crazy trying to figure you out. That’s how you keep them engaged, by being hot and cold.

Canadian-Seductioner · 2022-10-19T16:57:33+00:00

Hard to tell what's going wrong to be honest, you might just be getting unlucky or maybe you're a terrible kisser. The only major thing I do differently to you is I try to escalate to sex on the first date, not just a kiss, and I've found that to work out quite well for me in terms of girls wanting to see me again.

bcool_returns · 2022-10-19T18:07:24+00:00

My problem is with getting second dates, which almost never happens, even after great first dates.

Then by definition, those aren't "great first dates." Exceptional first dates lead to second dates and then some.

, we jumped through a fountain on a whim and got all wet.

OK, and then what? Did you go back to your place to dry off?

With the second, after she insisting that we split dinner, she invited herself over to my place to play board games

OK, and then what? You made out but did you actually try to close? You keep cutting off these field reports just at the most relevant point.

Icy_Rub1839 · 2022-10-19T21:15:10+00:00

That happened to me a few times at the beginning of the year.

Are you meeting them online?

Virtual_Judgment7147 · 2022-10-20T13:46:46+00:00

Look man, great first dates or not, they aren’t necessarily your call. Also people making the decision to continue, can be based in complete logic or total non-sensible reasoning lol.

You’ll realise sooner or later that somethings are within your control (such as how people perceive you, how you talk, escalate and all of that), and that somethings are out of your control (a girl liking you back or ghosting or not ghosting you).

People here talking about the thing about mystery, behaving in a certain way and all, and yeah they work in attracting certain kinds of people, but this isn’t everyone. Maybe for those girls sub-consciously, who ghosted you, they love mystery, distance, wanting to find out more, not being sure about the intent or whatever. But we will never really know, unless they give you feedback which is unlikely.

The thing I trying to get to, people will reject you for many reasons, that make sense to completely absurd things like, “oh I wasn’t feeling their shoes”. Even if you think everything went great, it isn’t always perceived from their end as such, even if they say they did.

You have to look at it from that way to then you start to understand people have different preferences, standards and reasons to act in certain ways.

Ghosting can be done for many reasons, it could be as simple as it’s easier than confronting someone I am not interested in.

Don’t let this experience take you down, and make you believe it’s really all your fault, that you fucked up or whatever. This just happened because the way you acted with being honest, direct and having clear intent probably wasn’t reciprocated the same way on the other side or they aren’t into that kind of behavior, that’s okay.

You got to keep sifting through many people to find the ones who are actually interested in being clear with intent and following along with it. Otherwise if you want everyone else, then the only choice is to play these games.

The choice is yours, but I hope this provides a new perspective on how different forms of perception, standards and things out of your control affect your situation.

ef2111 · 2022-10-19T16:55:23+00:00

Honestly, there's nothing you could've done differently. Think of ghosting as having nothing to do with you, because it has nothing to do with you. Women (dudes too) ghost for a million different reasons. You just have to keep it moving. I met a chick on Bumble and had two solid dates with her. Slept with her both times. I go to setup our third date, and she commits to it. The day before our date I text her to confirm details, and I get nothing. Shitty? Yes. Could I have done anything different? No. So I unmatched her on Bumble and kept it moving onto the next one.

Be thankful a woman ghosts you. She's doing you a favor. People who ghost are emotionally immature (and insecure). It's 100% better to get ghosted than deal with an emotionally immature person. Just keep it moving onto the next one.

incognito3107 · 2022-10-19T18:13:56+00:00

Try to be more "aggressive" with your sexual escalation. Girls want to get turned on with confident and powerful male. Dates may have gone cool and smooth, but there was clearly something missing. Something that will make her think of you and crazy for getting sexual with you. Get more of that passionate and dangerous male self into your dates next time. Dates are all about emotions between you. Girls may say different things, but once you provide her with ecstatic sexual experience, she can't help it but get with you more.

Miserable_Basil7363 · 2022-10-19T22:06:41+00:00

Dating is like a sale. Make the girl qualify herself to you, assume she’s this or that- when you do this it’s a win win cause if you’re right she’s in shock and if you’re wrong it’s gonna spike some type of emotion. And like others said, be sexual dude. This is the biggest thing guys don’t get, you’re the Fuckin leader, you set the tone. If you’re sitting there playing a board game laughing about her rolling the dice that ain’t getting her pussy wet. Use physical escalation, bold statements, and remember to be a man and not a dude that’s obsessed with a hot girl.

StatisticianNo9364 · 2022-10-19T19:36:37+00:00

A few days before the day we picked for the second date, I texted both of them to confirm/plan details, and both times, radio silence.

Wait, how was your texting after the first date but before confirming the second one?

ICUpoop · 2022-10-20T03:00:27+00:00

Reading your post I can just imagine you “checking everything off” i.e. thinking about it too much and not being in the present the whole time. “Oh god, she just touched me, should I kino more?” “Did she just give me the look?”… like sharks and blood women can sense neediness.

lifeintraining · 2022-10-20T05:53:26+00:00

The trick is to start at the second date so they already have some investment.

lefthandedaf · 2022-10-20T19:14:38+00:00

Seems to me like you’re doing things right. Maybe don’t be so excited to set up the next date so soon, but other than that you’re good. I have also had this experience many times this year. Great first date, making out even, lots of mutual interest, but then no second date. It’s a common thing now that I read about online. The issue is likely that she’s talking to too many other sausages and you’re just one of many.

Scorchyy · 2022-10-21T01:25:01+00:00

A lot of girls are just looking for something casual, have you tried bringing them over and hooking up?

Title	Keep getting ghosted after good first dates
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	11
Comments	24
Date	October 19, 2022 4:19 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/y8711j/keep_getting_ghosted_after_good_first_dates/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/keep-getting-ghosted-after-good-first-dates.1248095 https://theredarchive.com/post/1248095

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