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[–]WickedBiscuit 127 points128 points129 points 3 years ago* (12 children) | Copy Link
Don’t go chasing waterfalls, my man
Gotta find a way to get the validation from yourself, from the inside out instead of the outside in.
Stop looking for it outside. I repeat. STOP. It’s not even a matter of “how do you get better so that you can get it”, it’s not an option. It won’t happen. It will never work. It will never be enough even if you get some or more.
Fill your own cup.
Take this metaphor. We walk around deplete in love and attention and validation inside and go around giving the small remaining amount we do have to other people outside of us in the hopes they will respond to it and fill us up instead of giving it to ourselves internally.
Imagine you had a pitcher of water that was a quarter full and you were next to a faucet and wanted to fill the pitcher. Would you go around giving people the little water you do have in the hopes they would pour that water and some of their own into the pitcher or would you go directly to the source and fill it up at the faucet?
Be the faucet and fill your own pitcher. Don’t give people the little bit of water you have hoping they will return it and more.
[–]PervsEyeView6917 points 3 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Agree .. having a certain look doesn’t catch the attention you’e really looking for .. you gotta be yourself and comfortable with the image you have now .. besides the only thing that attracts a woman or even a group is confidence not no damn image
[–]The_Dufe 13 points14 points15 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Yes that is correct. Please stick to the rivers and lakes that you’re used to…
[–]boopbiboop 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I know that you're gonna have it your way or nothing at all.. but I think you're moving too fast.
[–]The_Dufe 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
[–]Yellow_Squeezer 4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Some people's pitchers have holes in it, so trying to fill it even themselves won't work. They first need to repair the pitcher (inner work/ therapy).
[–]peditte 5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I read this over and over and i know it's probably the end of all my suffering but how do you practically implement this? I've been doing this all my life and if it can be stopped I really like to know how. Gratitude,self-love,meditation,checking if I'm enjoying myself rather than pleasing others? And I still feel like shit if I say something and nobody reacts to it. If you managed to develope this non-neediness, confidence in some part of your life, please help me to do the same.
[–]WickedBiscuit 5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
There are obviously multiple ways to accomplish this but this is what help me- the 4th step of the 12 steps of AA. It is a dramatic written inventory of your entire life specifically looking at all the things/people you are upset with and reviewing why you are upset and what areas of your life this affected and then looking at what your expectations were in that situation or with those people, how you were being selfish, dishonest, prideful or self- seeking.
It doesn’t matter if you are a jehovas witness, athiest, agnostic or believ in the spaghetti monster. It is a technical inventory of all your baggage and an honest assessment of your contribution to it. You can’t change other pple but you can change yourself.
The exercise is not meant to vindicate you or prove you right against all these people and things but to illuminate your contribution to them through your thinking and mindset.
For me, I learned how I was going through life being dishonest and selfish in my interactions and had unspoken and unrealistic expectations of people and then getting butt hurt when they were not met.
It is an exercise in radical self responsibility. Trust me it is soul crushing, but that is why it works.
PM me if you want directions, there is a specific format that is done and it has helped literally tens of thousands of people not just with substance abuse or other addictions but anyone that is struggling.
[–]peditte 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you, i mean i was expecting some "meditate,sleep 8 hours" comment but ive never tried this and if its soul crushing its better be cause i always felt like i was dishonest with people even though i ranked honesty as one of my characteristic traits. Especially when you try to manipulate them for one of your outcomes. Appreciate your effort trying to help me, i'll try my best.
[–]Perfect_War5446 6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Ik man I gotta do better
[–]nordik1 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
you're going to be very disappointed when the attention / lays come and you still feel empty. It doesn't fix it, it just stokes the fire and makes you want more, and you can't actually achieve the point of satisfaction. It's not possible
[–]DoooshhBhagg 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's pretty much where I'm at. I keep scoring with girl after girl but I leave feeling empty. It's become like a drug and I need to chase the next high but the comedown is awful.
[–]Calamity__Bane 17 points18 points19 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
It’s not ideal, but you’re better off just becoming more attractive and getting it out of your system. Once you’re attracting more women, you’ll stop caring as much and will go do other things. Once that happens, you’ll have enough going on in your life that the one source isn’t going to mean as much, even though you’ll probably always want it.
[–]coachmelloweyes 10 points11 points12 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Big Fax. Grind and get it. Realise it’s not that special. Maintain it and divert you attention to other things you love.
[–]RangersFan243 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
What if I’ll never get it
[–]coachmelloweyes 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Then chase it till you die, or just give up and find happiness elsewhere
[–]Least-Recording-2073 30 points31 points32 points 3 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
No one can ever love you as much as you can love yourself.
[–]Perfect_War5446 4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
True
And he clearly doesn’t love himself. He’s circling around the event horizon of a self-fulfilling prophecy he doesn’t even know he created
[–]Perfect_War5446 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Wtf
[–]The_Dufe 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Do you not understand what that means?
[–]Perfect_War5446 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I do love myself
[–]Yellow_Squeezer 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
False, would you as a parent love your child less if they didn't love themselves? Would you love your girlfriend less if she thought she was worthless?
[–]Cataomoi 5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
? You're missing the point
Your parents may love you, but the person who can love you the deepest is yourself, because only you can truly know yourself.
[–]m_778111 12 points13 points14 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The thing is women can sense this and it will become a negative self fulfilling prophecy. It's insecurity, need for validation, and low self esteem. Even if your physical self becomes a "10" the rest of you will tell us there's something wrong here. Work on yourself knowing who you are, what you offer and stop giving a fuck if you get someone's approval and ironically, you'll get more of their approval than actually seeking it.
[–]fk89 8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I have the same issue bro. I'm not that attractive so everytime it's a hit in the face.People especially women tend to ignore me or keep me at bay. I'm doing therapy I heard that helps
[–]LisaFrankLover 6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That sense of invisibility has probably created a lot of shame. You'll be able to push the shame aside by getting women here and there but that level of shame tends to grow and manifests itself in other ways like anxiety and OCD etc over time. My suggestion would be learning to recognize and work with the shame...check out the audiobook Healing Shame by Bret Lyon.
[–]Yellow_Squeezer 2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Great advice.
[–]jaykedge 10 points11 points12 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Nothing is a problem unless you are broke or unhealthy.
[–]The_Dufe 2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I would argue that those being problems is a fundamental problem in itself
What are just like conducting a survey of how many girls come up to you first to state that?!?
[–]CometAzur42069 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
I feel like I’ll never truly be happy until I know that I’m sexually desired by a lot of women.
What makes you feel like you aren't?
[–]Perfect_War5446 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Idk I’ve just never really felt attractive. I know that’s cliche to say
[–]CometAzur42069 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
So you're saying you aren't fucking enough women to feel attractive or it's not the kind of women you want to fuck?
IDK, I think I get what you're saying though. There was a time I was like this, then I found a women I thought was beautiful amazing and wanted by a lot of men. She chose me and we dated for years. Of course it didn't work out because a LTR is a lot different than any advice you find online. It ended terribly. Then I realize I don't really care I guess. An amazing beautiful girl chose me and I didn't want her or feel attracted to her by the end of a long relationship. And all that now makes me feel validated is some funny stuff like am i close to a six pack? can I bench a lot? am I living a life that makes me happy? will i save enough to take a month off for vacation?
[–]Perfect_War5446 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
The first one
[–]CometAzur42069 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Then just fuck more women dude, once you do, you'll have other insecurities and miserable things to worry about.
Easier said than done LMAO
[–]CometAzur42069 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
you said you're working on yourself and getting better? it's hard work but you're on the right track. you've done hard stuff before in life right?
Yes
[–]climaxingwalrus 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Big mood but then after the 20th girl and youre still not happy you will fall into a pit. And none of the girls will stay with you because you get bored of them. Because youre not truly happy and cant give real effort into a relationship. And girls you do like too much will also not like you because once again youre not truly happy with yourself.
[–]B3asy 2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Get therapy my dude. It will help
[–]Perfect_War5446 2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Nah
[–]LisaFrankLover 2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Lol. Good luck with life if this is your attitude towards therapy
[–]Perfect_War5446 -1 points0 points1 point 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I just don’t think it’s necessary, this is something I need to overcome myself
[–]WickedBiscuit 2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ditch this pseudo alpha male/ independent pride attitude. Life seriously fucks people up. You can make major gains in therapy that would take years on your own. A smart man knows when to ask for help to overcome his challenges.
There have been so many times in therapy I have said to my therapist “fuck you… I agree with you” and been able to face truths I had been avoiding for years.
[–]B3asy 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is exactly what therapy is for
[–]passengerpigeon20 -1 points0 points1 point 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I don’t get it. You say you are distraught because women don’t desire you, but at the same time you said you finally got signals of interest from girls in college… so why are you still bothered by this, and more importantly, what is stopping you from reciprocating that interest?
[–]Perfect_War5446 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Because the all the girls that have showed me interest I’m not really into them. And I don’t want to force myself to sleep with them just because I can. I’m just not attracted to them
[–]passengerpigeon20 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
What country do you live in? If it is one with a diabolical dating market like the USA or Japan, you are already more desirable than a large proportion of men just because you get interest from ugly girls - most guys nowadays get N-O-T-H-I-N-G. And why aren’t you actively running game on girls anyway? You don’t need to wait for their signs. If I did that I would have done no approaches at all.
USA
[–][deleted] 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
Who said I was short
[–][deleted] 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Perfect_War5446 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What does height have anything to do with my post tho?
[–][deleted] 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I am
I am cut
[–]Kobe_curry24 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Facts man find your passion first , but fuck any thing that moves keyword “fuck” anything that moves lol
Ok
[–]RompeChocha 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, I too was in my early 20s once.
[–]zapadz 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w27nenP7fsQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hpjM_NNFQw
[–]Amikatey 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Go and out approach women bro. Don't wait.
[–]JewishSquid 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Work out
Not for the girls, for your own mental health. It worked for me, and hey you'll end up getting what you want at the end of the day anyways so why not
[–]RubixCute 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Alot of our culture is based on our desirability by the opposite sex. It's hard not to center your self-worth around what women find attractive. so with that being said, make a check list of all the things that would make you desirable to women and then do them. Be the object of women's desire. Make sure your appearance & hygiene is on point, make & spend money on women, don't be cheap about it, make friends/contacts with ppl who'll put you in VIP, have nice things, learn the art of great conversation, be bold yet respectful, be great in bed, ask a woman to take you under her wing and make you the man you wanna be. if you don't wanna do that then go to therapy to try and change your perspective.
Great advice! I’ll definitely do this 💯
[–]J00n5 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Women is just part of a complex puzzle called life... if you do not have values that are at least equivalent or higher, you can consider something wrong with you...
I recommend getting into something that you excel outside the romantic stuff, and of course stay social... if people will start appreciating you for how good you are at something you do, your perception of self worth will peak...quite rapidly actually.
[–]elvissayshi 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You can achieve it, but only if you stop defining that as your goal. Lots of attention comes from doing, not being, and is only a possible byproduct of doing things that draw positive attention. Along the lines of attraction, rather than promotion. Even a less than average looking woman can have sex with as many guys as she chooses 24/7/Lifespan. So, it is gonna take a lot of bringing ass, to get a lot of ass. I dont mean looks, though that helps a bit, or money-helps a bit more-but HEART. That is one thing that can't be purchased, it is GENERATED, by daily actions. Not your champion days, or dog days, but everyday. Believe me, they pay attention and take good fucking notes...Just like they did at school. Can't fool em for long.
[–]HelloBlackSanta 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"You're hustling backwards, if You're chasing a b*****. Chase the paper! They come with the shit."
🎅🏿
[–]OldRecommendation897 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
How tall are you
[–]Perfect_War5446 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
5’10
[–]OldRecommendation897 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I get no attention from girls and I’m 5’8 lol man I’d love some
Just wondering though
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[–]WickedBiscuit 127 points128 points129 points (12 children) | Copy Link
[–]PervsEyeView6917 points [recovered] | Copy Link
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