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[–]Delicious_Ad_1853 48 points49 points50 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's pretty common for things to slow down after the initial excitement.
Also, it's pretty common for two people to have a permanent libido mismatch. If it settles at a level that you don't like, please feel free to end the relationship and search for a partner that matches you better. You'll both be better off in the long run.
[–][deleted] 22 points23 points24 points 4 years ago (62 children) | Copy Link
Talk to her about it. Understand why she has been feeling the way she has and be cool with it. It may seem like the problem is with you but those are just assumptions. Listen to her and how she feels while also expressing how you feel.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (61 children) | Copy Link
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[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (60 children) | Copy Link
Lol woah - this guys letting his intrusive thoughts win today.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (59 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (48 children) | Copy Link
Who is the simp? I’m not “simping.” You just sound crazy for raging over someone else’s heartbreak.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (47 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (42 children) | Copy Link
I’m a woman, in a healthy relationship right now.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (41 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (40 children) | Copy Link
That’s an interesting thing to say - I don’t think he should stay with a cheater or someone who’s using him at all. I ONLY believe that he should take the time to ride his heartbreak out and find someone more compatible.
You’re not “calling me out” by the way because I’ve literally not contributed anything to this man’s relationship lol.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (39 children) | Copy Link
[–]jackzander 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Crying this hard for attention is cringe af.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Both of these posts are from a day ago, he’s probably still processing all of this - some people need time to handle certain emotions. Don’t criticize him so harshly for it.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That’s one hell of a tangent but alright.
[–]Spinuchi 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I’m not going to say you don’t have a valid point in posting this.. I was convinced she was cheating and ready to break up over this. I told her we need to speak face to face yesterday. When we did I brought this up and told her this is really fucked up. Even if something wasn’t going on why lie about it that is a big issue. She told me she lied because she was scared it would start a fight or cause a rift. She showed me their conversation, and who he is. He was an old friend she has known since middle school, and her brothers friend. He lives 3 hours away and was just here for this concert, had an extra ticket and only knew her up here. He is was under me in value an overweight kind of ugly dude and I felt no threat..
The issue is she lied about it and she broke down crying and apologizing begging me to not leave and that she won’t lie again.. which is a lot of talk but I broke her trust once early on and she gave me another chance so I said I was willing to do the same.
She has given me no other reason to think she is cheating or doing anything shady.. she spends almost all of her free time wanting to be with me or at least talking to me on the phone. She is never on her phone when we are together. She is still very affectionate towards me in other ways, and does things for me that shows she cares..
All of this to say she could be cheating idk to be fair I don’t really think so at this point. I feel like the issue yesterday was resolved and handled poorly on her end.. but I believe her and I’m giving her another chance.. if I feel sketched out about anything in the future I will address it
Well how about this: if you want to ignore the possibility of her cheating. Fine, whatever gets you through your day. But you could look at the fact that presently you’re not sexually compatible and that is a dealbreaker for most relationships. If I were you I would just end it at that - there’s always people interested so don’t beat yourself just yet. It’s almost summertime so lots of people will be out looking for relationships. 😊
[–]Spinuchi 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Oh don’t get me wrong I’m aware she could be cheating, it’s on her if she is I can’t control that and as much as I love and care about this girl, I can and will move on. I know my worth, when I am single I can date a lot and casually and 9 out of 10 times can close in the same night. The thing is when we have sex it is very compatible and the best sex I have ever had.. I am giving her another chance to pursue and show me she wants me and nothing is going on
Sounds like you’re in a good headspace and taking it on your own terms, you know your boundaries just don’t let anyone cross them. I wish you the best!
[–]Spinuchi 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ya to be fair I can see why she has acted how she has and believe her about this situation.. I think we both really care about each other and make it want to work. From our talks we are both very reserved and don’t usually do relationships so we are learning how to work through this.. I do know that even if this is the case I deserve someone who I feel wants me and makes me happy and not second guess things. I think she also understands that I feel a way about this situation and that she fucked up big time and basically begged me to forgive her and this won’t happen again. I told her she needs to earn my trust again and that I had to do the same with her and she gave me another chance so we are trying.. but I am giving it a couple more weeks before things get sour
[–]AngeloMacon 10 points11 points12 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
The excitement does wear off, and it could for one faster than the other. The issue here is that she's rejecting your advances. It's only been weeks so it could be a legit excuse that she's tired, stressed, etc. But the longer is stretches out means higher likelihood of trouble with the relationship.
Also, how often are we talking here? If you're wanting to bang 3 times a day and she rejects the second or third attempt there isn't an issue.
[–]Spinuchi 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I’d be happy with a few times a week when I see her, even if I just felt wanted like how it felt in the beginning.
[–][deleted] 9 points10 points11 points 4 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Don't think a relationship ever reaches a state where everything is perfect. You always have to work on it. You don't have her on some point, seduction never ends.
Maybe you became more feminine in some way. If she is a feminine women she misses your masculine polarity.
"like animals" - how do animals do it? The copulate like crazy and then move on for a new partner. Ultra-high frequency and intensity sounds good if you look at it through a porno-induced lens. But if you want a long term relationship, which is something cultural, you have you have to cultivate your sexuality = bringing balance, bonding and depth into sexuality. More is not always better.
Tension is one of the main aspects of sexuality. If you always give in to you urges, you do away with all tension and playfulness. Always imitatively releasing tension is like ejaculating to early on a meta level. A man must sometimes say no to sexual advances. Where is the playfulness, if she already knows, how to get you and you react the same way again and again? Where is the mystery?
[–]Spinuchi 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This is definitely the best relationship I have been in. There have been issues and such, and we work through them and I feel make the relationship stronger each time. We agreed the other night we are transitioning from a relationship to a partnership where we are becoming a unit looking out and supporting one another.
I may have been becoming more feminine and trying to work through that, idk what to do? I think I have been more vulnerable, and maybe needy for her attention? But I am also very focused on my career, hobbies, and friendships. Maintaining a life outside of her.
The like animals thing means like we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. Also not just that we were having a lot of sex but very passionate intimate sex. It is unlike a bond sexually I have ever had with anyone else and she has said she feels the same.
That’s what I’m trying to figure out what to build and get back, that sexual tension. It’s almost non existent anymore. To her benefit for me it happens when we are laying in bed getting ready to sleep. We cuddle and i start getting hard and making a move on her without there developing any sort of tension besides me being ready and in the mood. Idk how to get her to chase me again and make her want me that way anymore.. before I didn’t feel like I was doing anything besides existing. She would just jump on me and start making a move while we were hanging out
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Some concrete ideas:
don't just make a move on her, try to be more playful and seduce her. Do something she does not expect. She should think - "what is he up for now, is making a move on me or not?" Confuse her in a good way.
find different places to do it, not just the bedroom
don't always do it before going to sleep, find other times
focus less on orgasms and being high energy, sexuality has many flavours that are enjoyable.
Being very close can take the mystery of the other person away. Try to play the mysterious-man-card more often. Show her your adventurous and unpredictable side more often, in all aspects of life.
Show her that you are not depend on her, that her mood does not determine yours. Don't get me wrong, you should care for her, but her emotions should not be able to control you.
[–]GreatScotRace 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Things slow down after the initial excitement, your love and affection for each other grows deeper and relationships can become more emotional than physical. Couples go up and down when it comes to their sex life. I’ve been with my partner for 7+ years and our sex life has been like a roller coaster. We’re in a particularly dry phase just now to be honest, but after 7 years I’m not going to throw it in the bucket because of lack of sex due to a slight health scare, I know it’ll pick back up again.
[–]Spinuchi 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I understand this and I suppose new to it.. this is my first serious relationship really.. In the past it has been a few months of dating someone and then miscommunication or something leads to a breakup. I can agree we went from a very physical relationship to a more emotional one this last month. We are talking and acting a lot more like a couple. And I know that libidos change and that it is probably normal for intimacy to go from very intense to slow and back again. I just want to find a healthy balance
[–]Bcocks27 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
She is probably going through something in her life that makes her anxious or sad. Try to cherish her the most you can and talk to her about it. Relationships are also about how you react when it's not going ideally. Good luck!
[–]Spinuchi 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is the case, she has been going through a lot of life changes recently. I know she is stressed and not sleeping alot because of the new job and puppy. I have been very understanding and doing what I can to support and help.
[–]wj2smooth 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
In addition to the advice already given, maybe take her out on a nice date, a nice spa and light another spark. You may have to switch things up and get her to want to fuck you since it sounds like she could be tired/bored
[–]Slaysta 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
If it happens occasionally, it’s probably normal. She could actually be stressed/tired. If it’s continue to occur for a long period of time, I’d probably end the relationship before you get more attached because that’s a bad sign. I was in a similar situation until I found out she was cheating on me. She could also be over the relationship. Either way, if she doesn’t wanna bang after banging a lot, she’s obviously not as committed to the relationship as you are.
[–]Spinuchi 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I don’t think she is cheating but I guess you never know. I had seen some red flags that made my think something was going on but that was 1 week and I didn’t want to bring it up because one week is nothing. I mentioned it has felt like she was a little stand and she reassured me it was because of life changes recently and stressed. And after that she has really picked back up and made me feel wanted and adored.. I don’t think anything shady is happening but like I said I can’t be for certain. I really think it is stresses in life etc. I’ve noticed her talking about these things that are stressing her a lot more and understand
[–]Slaysta 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I feel that bro. I can tell you’re really into this chick based on your comments. My personal recommendation is that you detach yourself a bit from the relationship, both to see what she would do, and remain more independent in case y’all break up. Spend more time doing things you want to do outside of the relationship and try and focus on yourself. Even if your brain is telling you she’s the #1 priority, just remember that you yourself are the priority and she’s just there for the ride.
I know and you are right I am really trying to get back to that.. I be honest she told me early on it was something she was extremely attracted to. I am self employed. I own a screen printing business, and I’m a successful artist outside of that. I have a great social circle, workout, and overall lead an interesting life. I have noticed this last month or so I’ve fallen out of that. Still handling my shit during the day while she is at work, but after the fact I want to see her and spend probably too much time either working or with her. I told her earlier this week I need to start focusing on myself more and seeing my friends more. She told me she would get a little jealous and sad but that she understands and wants to see that and thinks it’s healthy
[–]roakmamba 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Women are like cats. They go mousy on around and come back to you when they want. Don't get discouraged and start being needy.
I think when I notice this I have a habit of getting needy and starting to chase her a little more. I’m trying to address that and get back into my own shit and life. I want to see her chasing me again, and realize if I don’t give her room to miss me then that will never happen
[–]JD42305 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Are you taking her out on dates still? I think that's important. Also, if you keep initiating to no avail, stop and let her pursue you. It's good to switch roles every once in a while, and even if you're in a relationship it's still sexy when a girl thinks she has to work to seduced you. Tease her, come up from behind her and kiss her neck, and when she wants to proceed to have a heavy makeout session, gently pull back and continue doing what you were doing. Girls find it irresistible when they can't have you any time they want, so if you turn the tables and playfully leave her wanting more, it should turn her on.
I think we did get kind of comfortable with me just coming over and watching the or hanging out.. I actually told her today I want to do more activities with her, go on dates some romantic shit. And I agree I have done this before too, that’s her sweet spot and I know it if I come up behind her grab her waist, kiss her neck then nibble on her ear she melts and I hear her moan a little bit. I’m going to do these things more often then just walk away
[–]nordik1 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm leaning toward this as well. It's too early in the relationship for this sharp of a fall off. People are saying the initial excitement wears off, which is true, but this is still too early for that. If you've been in a fiery relationship you'll know what I mean. Sex keeps hitting for at least a few years
[–]Skizznitt 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I would say start being more spontaneous again like you were when you first started dating, go out and do things like date nights, kiss in public, random acts of affection, bring her home flowers, after a hard day of work have a bath run for her and offer a massage without the expectation of sex afterwards, get a tent and go camping together to get away from everything and fuck like rabbits in the woods etc.
You guys are falling out of the honeymoon period and are just getting comfortable. You have to keep things interesting, mundane routine destroys sex lives.
[–]thomasjetfuel 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
waste your life trying to fill the bottomless pit of a woman's self esteem so she'll fuck you? this person needs to improve their own life and she will follow
[–]Skizznitt 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Lol that's not what I'm saying in the slightest. She's going to have to work at shit too and I'm talking about them doing more stuff as a couple like they used to when they were originally dating, you can't just keep going on doing the same things day in, day out, and not have shit get boring. Both parties are going to I have to work to keep the romance alive.
Nothing in his post implies that he has some shitty life he needs to work on, you're just making assumptions on what's happening now. He's talking about improving the romance... Not getting his life back on track.
[–]CocoBabeNYC 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Never accept pity pussy. Start emotionally disconnecting from her right away. She has lost sexual attraction because she thinks she has you wrapped around her finger. Stop answering her text messages for hours, don't call her at the usual times you do and start seeing her less.
[–][deleted] -5 points-4 points-3 points 4 years ago* (8 children) | Copy Link
Edit- OP deleted a thread 1 day ago where his girlfriend admitted she lied about hanging out with another guy. https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/tkqigj/girlfriend_admitted_she_lied_about_hanging_out/
MY response today without seeing that post yesterday:
Strong chance she started fucking someone else. Hate to break it to you.
Edit- Youll downvote until it happens to you multiple times over multiple years. And then you'll start to realize how common cheating actually is.
[–]HallandOates2 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Fuck her new bf
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
i looked, dont see anything, just the vibe from what he wrote indicated to me cheating is a very real possibility here.
having been through something similar to this more than once throughout my life, an almost total dropoff in sex is most certainly an indicator and at the very least a huge red flag, whether OP or his gaggle of downvoters want to believe it or not.
i dont say shes cheating to be a dick - i say it to try to instill something in OP so that HE can start to examine whether that is in fact the case, and if it is, to GTFO of the relationship.
yall think people say shit just to be mean, when in reality, the pain of catching a cheater is way less pain than continuing to be in a relationship with one for months or years more.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
WELL FUCKING WELL OP,
Looky at what we have here - a deleted post of your swhere your GF lied about hanging out with another guy
To the other ocmmenter, thanks man. Like I said - I knew it could be that. Good detective work too. Dont know how you found it because I didnt see it show up in his post history.
[–]nordik1 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
100 % accurate. No idea why you are being downvoted for this. It's the first thing I thought when I read OP's post without seeing his history at all.
This is way too early in the relationship for a sharp decline. People saying the excitement wears off etc probably haven't been in some good LTR's. The fiery sex goes on for AWHILE, as in a few years at least. It doesn't fall off in under a year -- that's a big red flag for either cheating or just a lack of attraction in general.
People that have been there can attest to all of this. It's just an experience thing across many women, not necessarily projecting trauma or whatever the accusation may be by others on here.
[–]dean15892 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Not really… it’s only been a few weeks; also , OP seemed to be just getting out of the honeymoon phase, so it seems natural at this point.
There is a chance , of course But there’s always a chance she’s ducking someone else
[–]SwoleMountain -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Get a new gf
[–]spleencheesemonkey 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Woah. Some baggage right there.
[–]ChutiyaChutney420 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I'd like to quote your username back at you
[–]OuchCharlieOw -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Find a new one. Treat yourself better you’re the prize remember that
[–]Spinuchi 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
If it was another woman I have dated in the past then I would do this.. but I’ve never met anyone who I felt genuinely cared about me this much. She does a lot to make me feel like a prize outside of the sex and she is someone I truly want to be with and make it work
[–]aStonedPanda94 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Only thing you can do is continue to Focus on your life and not be needy. Just back off and let her come back to you, also doesn’t hurt to just ask if you want but don’t get upset if you get an answer you don’t want
I am trying.. it is something I have been catching myself on a lot more.. I think since I feel her pulling back sexually I have been acting needy trying to show her I want to be around her and support her etc. I’m catching myself and trying to realize I need to pull back and get back into focusing on my life again
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
If it was just a few weeks I wouldn’t think much of it. There’s more to life and dating than just fucking, and I care about her as a human being to not change my opinion about her because she isn’t in the mood rn.
I agree it honestly just hurts me that I’ve committed to this person and anytime I try to make an advance I usually get shut down. We weee both horny all the time originally and now it feels like it’s just me. And to be fair I am very happy with everything else going on. We are really building a strong relationship and it feels amazing to just have someone love and support me and that I unconditionally love as well.
[–]PM_M3_PUPPIES 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Damn a lot of people here projecting. If she’s stressed that can heavily impact her sex drive. It’s happened to me in my relationship and it sucks because I hate to make my gf feel unwanted. I would talk to her about it and try to be patient. It can be hard to be in the mood when so much is going on in her life. If you really want this to work you’re going to have to learn to communicate these types of things to her. Good luck!
I know, I will say this relationship has taught me a lot. In terms to not jump to conclusions, understanding that every situation is different, and that we are all experiencing things differently. That communicating is very very important. We have gone through some shit this past month where communication has come in clutch. I had a period where I was feeling insecure and like she is possibly cheating because of this and we have talked about it. She basically has said the stress of working her new job 6 days a week, getting a new puppy that cries constantly and has messed up her sleep schedule. Also highly doubt she is cheating because I know her schedule. When she gets off work she calls me and we talk or at least text until she goes to sleep. We talk in the mornings. I see her usually 4 days a week. And she spends her day off with me.. not saying it is impossible but I do feel loved and appreciated and she still initiates and pursues me in other romantic ways outside of sex..
I really think it is a mixture of her stress lately as well as me being too needy for sex I have talked to her about this already which leads her to feeling bad. I don’t want her to feel bad and pity fuck me. I told her that is almost worse for me then no sex. I’d rather her sexually want me like she once did and I feel like I’m putting pressure on her if I continue to talk to her about it and make it an issue
[–]PM_M3_PUPPIES 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You’re gonna have to just put you’re trust in her. Unless she is giving you reasonable cause for you to suspect that she’s cheating, I would just move on from that. Idk how it is for men but as a woman stress can make it hard to want sex. If she is trying and making you feel desired then I would just be patient and hope it gets better. You do have every right to leave if it doesn’t improve, however. Neither of you are in the wrong.
I’ve gone through the same suspicion of my girlfriend cheating on me in the beginning but after really thinking about it, I realized it was my own insecurities making me think that way. Hopefully that’s the case here. But then that’s another problem you’ll have to tackle within yourself.
[–]Azurvix 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Try to figure out if something changed in her life before you go assuming things
[–]stop_stopping 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I know sometimes when I back off sexually in a relationship it’s because I begin to feel like my partner sees me mostly for sex and less for companionship. I agree with backing off and just focusing on yourself and the friendship and see if she starts instigating more.
She actually mentioned that when I brought it up last week. That she is really stressed and not getting sleep with things that are happening in her life, but also that I always want sex and it worries her. I told her I spend time with her outside of sex and genuinely try to show her I care about her as a person. I’m backing off to show her these things.. but ya I still want to fuck it drives me crazy
[–]S13ClutchKicker 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
RAMmit in her arse
[–]iamrealandneedhelp 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Replace her with a girl like me lol I wish I had someone like you. My boyfriend gives me all the sex I want I would never cheat. And I want it a lot and I mean a lot.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]ChutiyaChutney420 4 points5 points6 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]OuchCharlieOw -1 points0 points1 point (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Spinuchi 4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]aStonedPanda94 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Spinuchi 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Spinuchi 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PM_M3_PUPPIES 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Spinuchi 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]PM_M3_PUPPIES 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Azurvix 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]stop_stopping 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Spinuchi 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]S13ClutchKicker 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]iamrealandneedhelp 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link