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[–]Delicious_Ad_1853 13 points14 points15 points 4 years ago (35 children) | Copy Link
How does a person not have hobbies? Are you sleeping 16 hours a day?
What are you doing when there isn't someone telling you what to do? Tv, Reddit, TikTok, whatever. Those are your hobbies. Now, are those hobbies making you happy? If not, you need to start a new hobby right away. If you're not sure where to start, your new hobby should be "finding a new hobby".
[–][deleted] 4 years ago* (34 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]Delicious_Ad_1853 17 points18 points19 points 4 years ago (29 children) | Copy Link
Active hobbies are great. Quit wasting your life and get some.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago* (28 children) | Copy Link
[–]Delicious_Ad_1853 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
Running is a great hobby and it only hurts your joints if you do it stupidly. /R/running/ of course
Or anything else. Fuck stereotypes. Find what works for YOU. Whatever you're doing now doesn't seem to be working, though, so you gotta keep searching for the right answers.
P.S. Cry when you want to cry, cuz again, fuck stereotypes! Your emotions contain a lot of good answers. Listen to them
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]Delicious_Ad_1853 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
You... and everybody else in this sub, my friend.
Drop the word "easily" from you vocabulary. This shit is hard, but you can do hard things.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Delicious_Ad_1853 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, you do. There are two voices in your head... One telling you to do stuff and one telling you that it's a bad idea. It's like Fight Club only less insane.
Stop listening to the asshole voice that's telling you not to do stuff. Go do that thing that you're curious about. Accept the random invitations that you get. Go talk to the girl that caught your eye for some reason.
Just keep throwing shit at the wall until you see what sticks.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I have never been able to make friends easily or join groups. I don’t know why....
It's actually pretty common for people to go through extraverted or introverted stages in life. It's often less of an identity trait, so much as a state of being that's contingent upon the conditions in one's life up to that point.
I've known people who were the life of the party until they moved to a place where they didn't know anybody and they realized afterwards that they'd forgotten how to actually meet people and they became introverts.
So I'm suggesting to you that perhaps is not a hard trait within you that it's difficult to make friends. Making friends involve skills that involve practice. If you've been studying a lot and sequestered in your room doing things for class, then of course it's going to be easy to kind of forget how to people.
Which is a long way of saying, cut yourself some slack. This kind of thing is not going to be easy to resolve. It's going to involve you getting out of your comfort zone. That's going to be uncomfortable. But there are a lot of groups organized around the idea of people who want to meet people.
If you want, I can help you brainstorm some ideas, as I have recreated my own social circle from scratch a handful of times in my life already. Just PM me and we can go over how you might look at what's available in your area. There might be things you don't realize.
[–]surfershane25 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Has anyone ever told you you don’t have to get good at hobbies, you just have to enjoy doing them.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago* (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]surfershane25 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Are you seeing anyone professionally about these feelings? Probably(read definitely) a solid place to start.
[–]surfershane25 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Just because one pair of shoes doesn’t fit doesn’t mean it’s not worth searching for a pair that does even if the first few stores don’t have it.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Cyrus_the_Great98 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Then be good at things lol
[–]Teppkiesha2 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
You sound sorry for yourself. I read what you say and I can hear the frustration.
Take control of your life.
[–]Teppkiesha2 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
If you’re gonna die, then just die. I’d rather see you live, really live. Make your own point, walk your own path. Do something.
[–]Teppkiesha2 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That counts as a hobby right?
[–]JosephND 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
the only friends I ever made were other incels
You aren’t going to change if you find the comfortable situations. Freshen up your look, shave and pay more than $20 for a haircut, and put yourself out there.
[–]Cyrus_the_Great98 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Start guitar man, it's fun.
Even counting the gym, I think guitar is the only thing I actually do for myself.
[–]2012Crazymexican 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
get into some hobbies and things you like doing.
or
Just go for a walk at the grocery store that's a good start to get you to meet some girls.
[–]2012Crazymexican 16 points17 points18 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
excuses are like boogers, we all have them
[–]2012Crazymexican 18 points19 points20 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
then stay home and wack off my dude...
you need to TAKE ACTION TO GET RESULTS, no girl is gonna show up to your front door.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Alextryingforgrate 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Step 1, get a job in a city that you can go out and be social in.
step 2, go be social
step 3, ???
step 4, profit.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Alextryingforgrate 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
You still need to get out of the house for food and what not? Make an effort then to meet people. So we are getting it that you have a difficult time to make time you also need to learn to manage your time as well. Eventually youll need to move on.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Alextryingforgrate 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Alright theres a lot going on here.
1 youre giving nothing but excuses
2 you dont seem to want to change and only complain
3 you need to work on yourself, your self confidence, your image
4 until you want to change stop complaining
5 we all have issues that make things difficult if you really want to go on a date youll find a way to do it
[–][deleted] 4 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Alextryingforgrate 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Rejection is the entry fee to being a great in the world of seduction. We all have to pay that fee. Learn to deal with it and learn from them. Thats how youll get better at this.
[–]MikeAlphaGolf 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You’re starting from zero here. Think about how you might like your life to look in a year. And maybe 5 years. Do something today to work towards that. Small steps over time compound.
[–]Annabirdy00 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
It's probably because of your negative outlook on yourself and everything around you. You're a self fulfilling prophecy. It's easier for you to claim you're bad at everything so that you don't even have to try. You came here asking for advice and have yet to be open to any suggestions. Until you can actually try and change your attitude, nothing will ever change.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Do you have a job? If so, why haven’t you been fired or left that job? Because you’re somewhat qualified for that job. Take pride in that! Honestly, people bash themselves for not having done much, but you should atleast feel pride in something! If you don’t feel pride in yourself, you’ll never get anything to happen for you. Take some psychedelics maybe. Honestly, the things that I get discouraged by are things that seem too unattainable. But that’s also because I want the absolutely best immediately. Learn to curb that instinct and go at your own pace, but once you start, don’t stop
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Why be ashamed? As you clearly say, there aren’t many people that you are close with. I would take this time to become better. You don’t need to be ashamed if no one is there to pay attention
[–]VorpalPaperclip 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Are you out of shape? That is worth doing for your health. Start there.
[–]VorpalPaperclip 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You need a reset! Get a personal coach or a therapist. Your attitude from your other responses needs work. You have to decide to do the work. Your life is not going to change because times passes.
You have grown used to this, your brain is comfortable in its misery. You will not enjoy changing yourself until you see results. You’re one of these dudes that has no bottom to hit and realize you have to work your way out of it. If you want better, make it better, otherwise admit that you like living the way you do and embrace it.
[–]VorpalPaperclip 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You have to look at your life right now as rejection. You are miserable, you can alter that.
Your brain thinks its going to die when you feel rejected. This is normal for babies, because if they aren’t fed or held, they literally die. Your mind has associated the fear chemical reaction to fear of death as a baby and you need to retrain it. It doesn’t know you have grown up and can take care of yourself. You may need to prove this to yourself.
There is only one way to retrain your brain… give it experiences that are different.
Accept that you will be a really awkward and weird dude for a while. Start practicing by saying, “Hello” to people until its boring. Then “Hey, how are you?” And listen. Till its boring…
Keep that up till you meet people.
Sign up for everything you can. Classes. Events, support groups.
Your life, if you actually want any change, is going to have to be an awkward forced learning situation for a fee years. Its not gonna be simple. You have to work at this shit and stop accepting fear as your reality.
[–]vidurmdc 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Read this book called Higher Status by Jason Capital.
[–]masterdragon4 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (18 children) | Copy Link
That's a hell of a pickup line ya got there... Seriously as someone who has been and is still there seek help for depression
[–][deleted] 4 years ago* (17 children) | Copy Link
[–]masterdragon4 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link
Dm me
[–][deleted] 4 years ago* (15 children) | Copy Link
[–]masterdragon4 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
That's fine too. It sounds to me that you are depressed. Dont let tv fool you depressed isn't all sad people rocking in the corner crying. It manifest in many different ways and can be triggered my many different things. I can tell you from first hand experience that isolation is the worst thing you can do.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago* (13 children) | Copy Link
[–]masterdragon4 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I feel ya. I have severe social anxiety and dread even making a phonecall. Best I can tell you is get out and do something..... Anything. Go see a movie or get a meal. Go to waffle house take your phone and a set of headphones. Eat something and watch a movie on your phone. You'll have to interact with the waitress but only minimally. Do this once or twice a week. Eventually it will get easier. Go walk around the mall. You don't have to talk to anyone but it will get you out of the house and out of your own head.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
Hey there OP, I hear your story and I feel you. I’ve been in your place at many stages in my life for many reasons. Sometimes it was insecurity, sometimes it was drugs. Sometimes it was my surroundings, and sometimes it’s my health. You’re insecure and you’re open about that, but think of other factors. Do you use/abuse drugs? It could cause anhedonia and add an overall sense of feeling alien to every interaction. You’re taking care of some people, so you’re attention is needed. We have two challenges that you can face. Anxiety only lowers with repetition. So you need to go thru the pain in order to reap the benefits. Unfortunately, it’s like a muscle. I don’t think the caretaking part is so much of a challenge, I think if you want to make time for things that you’ll enjoy, you would do that. So there is probably something deeper to this. Lastly, please get some blood tests. Especially since you’ve tried counselling with no success, sometimes the only way a therapist helps is if they’re a psychiatrist, not psychologist. Personally, I’d see a psychologist first, but then also go get a full blood panel. Get your endocrine checked (thyroid, testosterone, estrogen, SHGB, etc) because this system is responsible for a lot of your mood modulation, not to mention things like your memory, sleep, arousal, and so much more. Also, get your vitamins checked. People are super low in vitamin d and it can really help (it takes about 2-4 weeks for you to feel the slight boost) with energy levels and motivation. Other than that, try to be positive. In an ironic sense, you’ve done everything that’s being suggested to you in this post, yet you seem the least amount experienced. This just means you’re not allowing yourself to grow. Make mistakes and realize that your internal feelings, at the end of the day, only determine the outcome of your life, not others. Take your life into your own hands
[–][deleted] 4 years ago* (10 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Well if that’s pain, what’s your current existence?
[–]crushlogic 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Okay OP. You are asking for advice and reading over your responses, I have two pieces of advice: 1) grow up and 2) stop making excuses. Nothing happens overnight, and nothing happens in a vacuum except it sucks.
You desire change but you give up too easily to make that change happen. It’s easy to say stop giving up, but what if instead of giving up, you keep showing up? What if you had kept going rock climbing after those first few times? I bet you would know a hell of a lot more about rock climbing than you do now. And even if you sucked at it, other climbers would be like, “damn, OP isn’t great at this, but I see him every week without fail.”Maybe then, some kind climber would offer you some pointers about your holds or whateverthefuck climbers talk about.
You take care of relatives. That’s cool and commendable. There are other people like you who help others and need a social outlet just like you do. Start volunteering at a local food pantry or shelter to meet people who also know what it’s like to help others. To boot, helping others takes the focus off you for even a small amount of time. Again, if you keep showing up, people will start to recognize you. From there, all you have to say is “Hi, I’m OP. Nice to meet you.”
I’m not giving you license to be the guy that never goes away. But if you’re not great at social interactions, having crappy ones is the quickest way to learn what feels right and what feels wrong. You will get better with time and practice. But you have to show up to practice to get better. This goes for literally everything in life.
You’re 26. To people even slightly older than you, this is young AF. 36 year olds wish they had your youthful vitality. 46 year olds would kill for your ability to eat pizza without consequences. The list goes on. Stop wasting your precious youth making excuses. You have so much time, but it doesn’t last forever. Start now.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]crushlogic 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Of course it’s easier to give up. But giving up won’t get you laid. Staying safe never made anyone’s wildest dreams come true.
You aren’t old so cut the shit. Your brain literally wasn’t fully mature until a year ago. You haven’t even really become a “real” person yet—at least not in that we understand the definition of personhood after the age of 30. There is so much to do, to eat, to see, to experience, to learn. It’s worth the heartache, the pain, the stupidity of it all. I was 28 before I had sex for the first time. Two years later I moved across the world with my partner. Before meeting them, I thought I would die a virgin. Since then I’ve lived and worked in three major cities, been published, learned how to salsa dance, learned a little Chinese, some Italian, French and Spanish. Since August I’ve improved lap time in the pool by 11 seconds. I’m 36 and I climbed my first mountain yesterday. Life fucking sucks sometimes but it also fucking rules.
[–]crushlogic 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I feel like I’m being trolled by Tarkovsky rn. Have you heard of nihilism?
[–]crushlogic 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Try absurdism.
[–]No-Department6252 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (27 children) | Copy Link
Get Better looking
[–][deleted] 4 years ago* (26 children) | Copy Link
[–]No-Department6252 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (24 children) | Copy Link
Exceptions don’t make the rule. Your physical appearance has direct correlation with your dating success. I know it sounds overly simplistic and almost painfully obvious but way too many guys spend way too much time focusing on approaching women, dates blah blah blah. Women are Visual just like us and when you get Better looking a woman will start seducing you
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (18 children) | Copy Link
[–]No-Department6252 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
I’m investing in my body and improving my physical appearance every day because I know women are visual. The name of the game is lust. If you can generate lust in a woman you have her .
[–]Odd_Yet_Unique303 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I mean..by nature women find men attractive generally because of personality just care. That's the key is to be funny be outgoing and OR be stable in ur life choices financial choices that why u see hot ass women with some dog park bois bc if they're not shallow it's not money it's bc they feel important they feel heard they feel safe and or they feel wanted and appreciated. As stupid and simple as that is dad bod is in this season it's bc women see oh he looks like he could be a respectable parent. Or if they find men attractive bc of muscles it's simply because they see the work u put in and think dedication. And they hope you'll see the relationship through like u did with working out. It's effort. U see things through u can do that in many ways though, not everyone needs to look like the rock though healthy living is never a bad call for both sexes.
[–]No-Department6252 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I mean..by nature women find men attractive generally because of personality just care.
No evidence that personality plays any role In sexual attraction
Sexy people are more funnier than unattractive ones/Famales make attractive males think that they are funny (or good personality)
Being unattractive is death sentence/non perceived as a partner no matter how great your personality is
sexual attraction is personalty perceived
[–]Odd_Yet_Unique303 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
If you can't find evidence it's because your not looking...literally it's plastered in ur face man. you've never gotten on Facebook and seen a female brag about how she's got a new dog and you look at it like this thing is NOT something I'd want to wake up next to. Everytime without fail it will say the animal has such a beautiful/big personality. Look at the most common reposts in females who are single and genuinely looking for a decent guy always there is something in there about compatibility whether it's funny or any of the things I mentioned cute is just a plus prodominantly. And again if they solely like ur looks it's more likely they will cheat on u or leave u because there's no tether to keep each other interested. but if u want the perks of saying I got her to sleep with me sure. But otherwise, Make urself known and don't be a dirtbag and youve got a good foot forward. If u want to limit yourself into thinking oh as long as I'm cute any female will want me...nope. u can be cute all day long but the BIGGEST turn off is someone who has no personality or rude bc ur shutting urself off from being compatable. Get on YouTube rn and there is videos on videos of dating advice from professionals all to do with female are emotionally driven where men absolutely have to find a female physically attractive before they will have interest of further Pershing and it's not to shame either side.
[–]No-Department6252 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Okay bro. There is what women say they want vs what they actually want and those are two. Completely different things. Women will say they want a guy with hood personality but in reality a woman’s sexuality is very similar to Ann’s in that women are attracted to the physical just like men. Don’t be deluded by women and what they say watch their actions
[–]Odd_Yet_Unique303 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
....damn man.. who hurt u, like seriously I'll validate how u feel but it's just not the way to think.. either u pick poorly as I used to or someone did some damage for that to be ur mentality because from what ur saying it sounds like it's coming from a hurt place fr..wanna talk bout it..
Don't be silly boy, and don't listen to this man. While looks can help, they only give you validation from the women. They won't help you with your social skills or confidence, if you don't work on those. I went out with hot girls and I'm fat, so you can too (it's good to work on your body for your own health, but it's not enough for women).
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Go join clubs, like dancing, cooking or whatever is in your area where there are people who are talkative and friendly. You build a social circle this way and you can flirt and test the waters with some of the girls there too. Also why are you banned from dating apps?
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Then move to a different are, or just do cold approach on streets, libraries, mall etc.
Also I had a fake profile once to see how it is to be a model looking man on Tinder, yet I didn't get banned. I dunno what you did, but it's strange. Try using a VPN to have a different IP address or use a new phone number or email
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
How would a cute/beautiful guy help a woman in reproduction and being safe together with her kid? Because that's all it boils down to.
If he becomes more beautiful, but still lacks social skills, charisma and confidence (he could tell himself he's ugly because of people like you), how are looks gonna help him?
Also, stop following Hollywood movies, looks aren't everything to women. Only us guys care about looks that much in a woman, not the other way around.
I assume you have fallen for the trap of "women aren't visual like men" or "men aren't expected to be good looking like women are"
We all know this is nonsense and when you look at other species the opposite if anything is true
Males in mammalian species that successfully procure many mates and are higher in the hierarchy often exhibit more sexual dimorphism than the average in the group
For example
Elephant Seals:
" A good example of intrasexual selection, in which males fight for dominance over a harem of females "
another example is Deer interaction in which the males will ram their antlers into one another (sexually dimorphic trait) and those that win these tests have access to the most females.
The same goes for the Mountain Bison
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Then why are there guys posting here that they're good looking and/or have a successful career and yet they still can't find a girlfriend or that most girls don't want to date them?
[–]No-Department6252 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Don’t confuse women not wanting to date him because he’s unattractive vs women not wanting to date him because they are out thier league. Two completely different things. When you are biting rich and handsome you can basically deliver whatever girl you want to fantasy she would happily join. These guys are probably aren’t as good looking as they think they are
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah keep telling yourself that, I'm sure with this mindset women love you and won't leave you when looks fade or if you lose your money, lol
[–]surfershane25 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Because the get out of the house and do things. That’s attractive to women so they inherently have more confidence because women are attracted to them.
[–]JacobMoogberg69 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I mean if you can't be bothered to change your life why do you expect a bunch of randos on Reddit to care?
[–]m2niles -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
What are you interested in then? What are your goals? What do you want from your life? What do you do for your livelihood? It’s difficult for me to help when you’ve given me literally nothing to work with besides that you have no like minded people around you currently.
[–]m2niles 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You must be a relatively smart guy then, if you’re a software dev, but I’m getting the feeling you don’t get out of the house enough. If the weather permits wherever you are, I’d say go for a walk, doesn’t have to be anywhere special. Just get some fresh air. Think about why you’re in the position you’re currently in, what you’ve got going for you and what you’ve got going against you compared to every other being on this planet. That will give you some perspective on your life. If you want to improve something with your external appearance, do something about it, get a haircut, get a suit, fuck around and enjoy your life a bit. Figure out what you can do to positively benefit/improve your life and the people you care about. First you gotta figure out how to love yourself though. It’s awfully hard to love someone else when you don’t love yourself.
[–]Impulsive666 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Gym
[–]Fearless-Apricot-712 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Join a bowling league
[–]Finzi 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ICastPunch 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Do you just eat, shit and sleep all day everyday? What do you do for fun?
[–]sunkized 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Have you tried meetup.com. I go hiking with a group I met on their and so far it's been great. Better than being in the house all the time
[–]Groundbreaking_Cup95 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Would you rather be miserable for the rest of your life like this? Or endure a bit of anxiety and hopefully live a nicer life? The answer sounds obvious.
[–]Groundbreaking_Cup95 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Ahh fuck off. This world has so much beauty to offer. You only need to start living a healthier life and persist with this life to see it. Get off your ass and make yourself happy.
[–]whirleymon 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It sounds like you might be depressed, and should speak to a psychologist if you can
[–]AirlineEasy 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
You are seriously depressed. You need to find a therapist.
[–]AirlineEasy 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You need to try again. Find a better therapist.
[–]Groundbreaking_Cup95 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It doesn’t help if you don’t work for it. You can’t go there for 1 hour a week and expect them to solve your problems. For one, the first 10-20 sessions are just them getting to know you and understand your life story. The second, they won’t be able to solve your problems, they will just tell you how your thinking is warped, offer healthier ways of thinking, allow you to deal with your demons in the most comfortable way possible and if there’s physical work (live an unhealthy life), they’ll tell you how to fix that. Granted, a lot of therapists are shit. The reason why I like residential colleges is they are able to reliably recommend people. You need to work hard and find a good therapist, then work even harder to mend your own issues in life.
[–]PrinceofMcdonalds 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Join a gym and go regularly.
[–]pacg 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
I think I actually understand this. Fear of failure is a kind of purgatory. You’re definitely not in heaven. But you’re most certainly in a type of hell.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago* (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]pacg 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
So do I lol!
It’s not quite like I wanna kill myself, but life can be kind of a slog. My fiancée and I will even joke about it as to who gets to go first. She insists on going first. I’m like, look baby, I’m older and a man. The actuarial tables favor me.
[–]pacg 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Yikes! Yeah, I’d say that qualifies as reckless. It sounds like you’re having quite an existential crisis. I’ve found that not many people can identify with an existential crisis although they may understand it on an intellectual level because they’ve read The Stranger or an chapter in On Being and Nothingness back in college. And maybe they’ll go through an acute phase of entertaining non-existence. But their experiences always seem superficial to me.
But the fear of failure is really paralyzing. I can feel the infinite potential pressing outward, demanding that I do something with it but I haven’t been able to settle on anything that I think is worthwhile. Nothing quite seems worth the effort. Fucking bums me out.
[–]pacg 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Haven’t read De Profundis. I just read The Picture of Dorian Gray and some essays and short stories. I know, pretty basic. I’ll take this as a sign that I should read it. From your description it sounds like it might be similar to De Sade’s Dialogue Between a Priest and a Dying Man. I have a thousand or so books lining my shelves that I’ve yet to dig into.
It is all pointless. What amuses me is when people try to convince me that it’s not so. But their entreaties feel kinda thin. There’s lots to live for! Yeah, sure. I can see that too. Nevertheless I don’t really care. Oddly enough I’m a hoot at parties.
So what’s the deal mucking about in r/seduction? Are you trying to extricate yourself from the swamp, the tar pit, the quicksand, the heavy water?
[–]pacg 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Same here minus the heroin. Just passing the time in mild amusement. Stimulating enough.
[–]Ancient_Leader5572 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Do you like animals? If you feel like you can take care of a dog, get one. They’re great company and taking them on walks will get you outside where you can actually socialize. Go to dog parks. Talk with other owners. Most women loove cute dogs and (this is kind of depending on how populated your area is) will make it easier for them to approach you. Even if they’re not approaching you and just approaching your dog, it’s a pretty easy way of striking up a conversation bc you’d know at least one thing you can talk about that she’ll be interested in.
[–]Ancient_Leader5572 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
aww i’m sorry to hear that. idk what your dog is going through but sometimes having other animals or an animal around can help boost their moods as long as they’re not too chaotic and become a danger. it might also make dealing with the grief a little easier for you.
I haven’t been on a date since 2014. I have zero friends or hobbies or really any interest in hobbies
Look this is a simple kind of formula here.
If you want to have dates, then you need a way to meet people.
Dating apps are all good and well but can be wildly unpredictable and should not be the primary source for anyone to meet anyone.
Seeing as how apps cannot really solve this problem, you need a way, in real life, to encounter people in a way that's comfortable, preferably for everyone involved, just to greese the wheels. (This shit can already be hard enough as it is, there's no reason to heighten the difficulty curve unless you're already reliable enough in your game to get laid on a regular basis.)
All of that having been said, the easiest way to meet people in a comfortable setting, on a regular basis, is through various clubs and groups that get together on a regular basis. These kind of groups are usually organized around something like a hobby, interest, or theme.
There are meet up groups and other kinds of groups organized around every sort of hobby imaginable. Some good ones I've seen include groups organized around board games, trail running, travelers hanging out together, and a whole slew of different dance communities.
The question becomes how stubborn towards change are we going to be and are we willing to try new things just for the hell of it?
Because at the end of the day, it's not really that hard to find some new interests to try out.
Or if you've decided that you absolutely don't want to change anything, then you can be satisfied with the same results you're getting now.
[–]vonngh0st 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I see you’re quite present here replying to all the comments. It’s hard doing stuff on our own coupled with the tons of recommendations. I think of there’s a community that really cares is martial arts. Find the closest one talk to the sensei have him/her be your mentor. Btw you ain’t old enough to say you’re old so cut that out. But join and learn an art form. Please. Get you a sensei. You’ve made it past your teens I’m sure you thought that was hard as well. Let the difficult things remind you…you’re alive and like video games we never give up because it gets a lil less difficult every time we come back. Don’t give up now Don’t break the disc yet…put it in rest mode and come back later. You’ve seen this before (gaming reference)
I’m pretty surprised you have no hobbies at all. Most people have at least 1 hobbit - even if they count daily exercise or petting their dog. I actually agree with you that “passive hobbies” aren’t real hobbies e.g. Facebook. It’s good that you’re trying to find healthier hobbies.
Though I can understand studying so much you don’t have hobbies, but fuck me that’s a hell of a sacrifice. If you’re going to completely sacrifice your youth for your future, I bloody hope you’ve got a good plan and ambitions that will set you up for life satisfaction.
Regarding hobbies, depends which city you live in. I live in Sydney which is a very sporty social city. There you can join apps which do social sport. Otherwise join social university societies. Join surfing and ski societies. Sport like the soccer and the afl clubs always attract social people. Basically any club or society that is known for being a social event, that will attract normal people. Rock climbing for some reason attracts “incels”. It’s such a fun sport but the people are fkn weird, it sucks. Music societies are the same, unless they are known for social networking.
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