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[–]LatterIntention8693 19 points20 points21 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I have an idea I got from one of my mentors that might help. You could come up with a plan for something to do and then invite them. If they don't want to go then go enjoy it yourself. I think you'll be more likely to get someone to join you on a plan that's already put together. As opposed to something off the cuff. This way it's not asking them on a date but inviting them along. If you're interested in them further then the first meeting is at least out of the way. So it will be easier to ask them out but you'll want to make your intentions clear to avoid confusion.
[–]Miltonwh3 points 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
I’ll try it out! See what I said to another guy and lmk if anything comes to mind!
[–]Infinite_Relation_86 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And if it dosent work sometimes you can turn that plan into day game or something else
[–]brownhoosierboy 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I usually try to set up a date 3 times. If it doesn’t work, I say something like: “Look, you seem chill but I’ve tried to set up a date 3 times. Ball’s in your court now.” This shows you’re willing to walk away. If she responds, you know she isn’t playing games. If she doesn’t, move the fuck on. Thank god you didn’t waste anymore time :)
[–]Miltonwh 5 years ago [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link
Yeah I think that’s more for flakes though after you’ve already met and trying to set up a 2nd/ 3rd date. I go with “lmk if you’re down for X. If not, that’s cool too” after they didn’t respond to my last text after a few days. Literally just said this to another chick that I met off hinge about 3 weeks ago. We met at the bar for the first date, crashed a wedding, had a blast. Walked her to her car and texted throughout the next week. We hung out again last Thursday. Had a blast. Slept together. She kissed me goodbye when she left for work and texted a little Saturday. Monday I asked her if she wanted to do this fun thing with me Thursday (tomorrow). No response. An hour ago I said “Lmk about tm or if u want to hit up the music fest Saturday. If not, that’s cool too”. Still no response. I thought we had hit it off but in retrospect, she asked me at some point if I wanted kids and I said “yeah 7 so I can coach them all soccer”(obviously being a little sarcastic). She was shocked and said she never wants kids. I feel like maybe that’s slowly turned her off.
In this case, it’s 3 new chicks off hinge/tinder that have said something along the lines of “I’m a little busy right now otherwise I would.. maybe once I’m more free we can do something”.
I hate that. I don’t know how to ever respond to that. They’ll obviously forget about me but I need something to make it more likely we’ll see each other eventually. Not just “sure lmk”
[–]pokemonpokemonmario[🍰] 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's a polite no. Like saying they have a boyfriend when they don't. They don't want to ghost or disappoint you so avoid commitment one way or the other.
[–][deleted] 5 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]Miltonwh 5 years ago [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
It’s basically a lost cause so I’m seeeing if anybody has had anything work. One user mentioned to just invite to already established plans so I’m going to try that out moving forward
[–][deleted] 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Miltonwh1 point 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Yeah for example I’m going to a small music fest in my town this weekend. Open air, drinks, good vibes good friends. No way she wouldn’t have fun.. with that said, it’s rare something like that happens. Inviting her to the beach or bar with friends isn’t really the same since they’ll all be trying to bang her somehow haha
[–]NiNj4_C0W5L4Pr 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Pro tip: women who are interested in you will move heaven and earth to spend time with you. Either they don't know you very well or you didn't spark their interest. Your answers from women must be a "Yes" or be a counter offer such as, "I'm busy, but what about...such & such a date & time?" A counter offer shows interest. A vague response is a polite brush off. Keep things pleasant but move on. Never date women who just want to hang out if they get bored and nothing better comes along. Maybe they'll decide they want a free meal or gas money and give you a call. You deserve better.
[–]Miltonwh 5 years ago [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
Very good point. I started to like a new girl recently who I’ve gone out 3x now and have slept together. She’s wicked awesome (working on becoming a pilot/ knows engines inside and out/pretty hot).
Originally texted her Monday anout doing something fun Thursday. No response so I’m baffled. Last night followed up with “Lmk about tm or if u want to hit up the music fest Saturday. If not, that’s cool too”. She finally responded with “Hey! I have to do hair today i can’t”.. no other suggestions nothing.
At this point I feel needy because it’s my first double text to her ever and I hate that. I clearly like this chick but I’m started to realize it’s not that mutual and I don’t want to pester her but do want to ask her out again but have nothing to go off.. advice?
[–]NiNj4_C0W5L4Pr 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Nothing you can do at this point. The ball is on her court. Your best option is to go meet other women and work on that abundance mindset. It's not easy, but it helps with not coming across as needy & having a life you enjoy living. Validation needs to come from your awesome life not the women who join it.
If not, that’s cool too”.
Pro tip: Never give a woman an "out". Sure, you want to sound easy going, but it comes across as weak. You want to sound confident like you know your company is amazing and wherever you're going it is THE place to be: right there next to you soaking up all that awesome experience! This also has another benefit: you must gauge her reaction to your requests for the rest of your life and with every woman you meet. If you hear anything other than "Sure, that sounds great!" ...or at least a counter offer from her if she can't make it then you are wasting your time with someone who isn't interested in you. Better to hear it and figure it out sooner rather than later. Drop flakes like bad habits. Remember, my dude, reward good behavior and punish bad behavior and know which is which when confronted with her actions, not her words.
[–]Miltonwh 5 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
For sure. The lack of her not offering an alternative or even assaying “sorry, I forgot to text you back earlier” is definitely a sign to keep pursuing other chicks instead of Re-asking if she’s free Saturday at this point for the music thing. What do you mean by not giving them an “out”? I’ve always said “if not, that’s cool” (usually when not getting a response the first time), because it shows I’ll move on with or without her and always gets a reply.. albeit this time a shitty one that lead to more questions
[–]NiNj4_C0W5L4Pr 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
By giving her an out you are answering for her before she's had a chance to articulate her thoughts. "I don't have to answer him because he's already fine with me not going. I'll just keep silent and hope he takes the hint. And if he doesn't i just won't show up or contact him and ghost him." Always put her on the hook for a response so you know where you stand. Here's what it sounds like to women, "If you don't want to go that's fine. It's just gonna be me going all by my lonesome. I'll just lurk over in the corner all by myself cuz i don't have any friends and i desperately need your validation." I'm exaggerating, of course, but the point is the personality you are putting on display for her. One is attractive and full of abundance, the other sounds weak and full of scarcity and needing of validation. Your words paint a picture of your personality. Be your best self by eliminating phrases that make you sound less than confident. I'm going out saturday and you're going with me. No ambiguity and you're taking charge. Say it confidently as if you expect a "yes", and ever so slightly playfully. Sexy. Bonus: it increases the odds she'll change her mind if she's on the fence.
if not, that’s cool
Sounds like you're apologizing for asking her out. Adjust your frame as if speaking to her from a place where she'd be lucky to go out with you. Your demeanor will show it.
[–]BensonInFL 5 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Like 3 chicks this week have told me they’re too busy but are down to in the future. I get it- everyone’s busy but not THAT busy
They want to continue to talk to you, but aren't comfortable meeting you yet. Convey value, build comfort and trust, try to talk on the phone or video chat, have a good 30min to an hr convo..
Either meet somewhere in public for coffee or something that doesn't require much investment/commitment, or invite her to an activity that you think she will like that you are already doing....
-B
Hmmm… good points. I kinda started the whole online thing about 3 weeks ago and am terrible at small talk. I usually say something to make them laugh ask a question or 2 and ask if they’re up for a drink this weekend. I think about 6 matches were down. I met up with 1. Am meeting another tomorrow. And I just can’t make solid plans with the others because of scheduling conflicts. My friends are all married or have kids now so my weekends are completely empty unless I have plans with a girl so I’m trying to make it a priority to establish plans now otherwise it’s just lonely and this “let’s do something in the future” thing is such a cocktease. Perhaps more small talk is required I just hate it
[–]Hanmura 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
They say that to you because they’re not comfortable/invested into you (yet)
girls can smell a mile away a guy who just wants sex and if you escalate the situation too quick they will get defensive and say what they told you.
build rapport and once they feel comfortable hanging out with they’ll let you know. For now don’t be needy/ clingy
Good points but what would you say to someone doing that that you’ve already met/slept with and they are playing those games?
Here’s another case:
1 chick got back to me this morning after I said “Lmk about tm or if u want to hit up the music fest Saturday. If not, that’s cool too”. All she said was “Hey! I have to do hair today i can’t”. (Originally texted her Monday and followed up with that text last night). I know the salon she works at closes at 7 so clearly she’s just not that interested. We’ve gone out 3x now and have slept together so I’m just speechless. Not sure if I should just not reply or ask her what her schedules like? At this point I feel needy because it’s my first double text to her ever and I hate that. I clearly like this chick because she’s just super cool (working on becoming a pilot/ knows engines inside and out/pretty hot). I usually could care less but it’s the fact she’s doesn’t care that makes me want her more lol. Wtf
[–]Hanmura 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
maybe she’s just got a lot on her plate atm. clearly she likes you if you hung out 3x. remember relationships require time and EFFORT from both parties, and maybe it’s not a good time for her or maybe she doesn’t want to put that energy into it because relationships require lots of energy, effort, mental etc.
I wouldn’t date someone who isn’t going to put the time and effort because that’s what makes a relationship good. She probably knows that already.
I say focus on yourself (like work on yourself, weather it’s your career or hobbies) and keep her updated
[–]Narcan9 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Don't chase women who aren't interested in you. Ghost and move onto the next one.
[–]jsjs336 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Is there video of you doing cool shit on your social media? If not start putting video of you doing cool shit to show you have a life then when they watching they can see what kind of things you might do together before she goes home with you( if you did everything right)
[–]mdr615888 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Initially before you ask to meet up you should try to gage their upcoming schedule with just small talk. "A simple how you doing any big plans this upcoming week" they say "just working" "oh where do you work, what days you work...." then when you get a gist of their schedule, you can say "oh well since you don't work or didn't mention anything going on Saturday let get some dinner at xyz or do xyz.... i have this going on (make something up) but after 7pm im free does that work for you?
Most important part is if she says maybe, doesn't give you a solid yes, or say I will get back to you to make sure I got nothing, you must retract the offer and say something along the lines of " seems like you may be busy, that's fine. I'm gonna go ahead and solidify some plans with my friends because it's one of my only free times off this week and I don't want to be sitting at home incase things fall through. Let me know the next time you have some free time and hopefully we can make it work. Do not text her again until she texts you back.
Solid advice. I usually say (after plans have fizzled or they turned into flakes) “lmk if you want to do X, if not that’s cool too” but it comes off a little but hurt. I’ll try the solidified my plans already route because it shows you’re still a bit upset but over it and they’ll be more likely to offer an apology than my usually approach if it’s actually genuine
[–]TalionTheRanger93 -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My advice just chill, wait a month or 2, and hit them up. Be like heyy baby still down to hide the the sausage in the ham wallet?
[–]Thelonious_Cube -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Why not call them on it?
"If you mean 'no' then just say 'no' okay?"
Ehh.. I don’t think they mean no at all. It’s more.. please chase/give me more attention which I’m not good at with online dating
[–]Thelonious_Cube 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yes, I agree - but call them out on sending mixed signals
Okay- 1 chick got back to me this morning after I said “Lmk about tm or if u want to hit up the music fest Saturday. If not, that’s cool too”. All she said was “Hey! I have to do hair today i can’t”. (Originally texted her Monday). I know the salon she works at closes at 7 so clearly she’s just not that interested. We’ve gone out 3x now and have slept together so I’m just speechless. Not sure if I should just not reply or ask her what her schedules like? At this point I feel needy and if she wasn’t so cool (working on becoming a pilot/ knows engines inside and out) I usually couldn’t care less
[–]ethical_slut -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You’re not entitled to anyone’s time.
[–]jwilhelm0618 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Putting you in orbit right out of the gates.
[–]The0rangeKind 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
trust me if they like you enough they will magically have openings for you
you’re just not a priority to them so you’re on the back burner and that probably won’t change until you suddenly become more appealing to her. my advice is don’t wait around and go to the next girl
[–]eonscrewedme 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is womanese for...: "No, but keep trying because I like the attention and the validation that someone is waiting for me". Move on.
A woman will NEVER respect a man who hangs around like that waiting for her.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Rule no.1: I am interested = I have time. I am not interested = I don't have time.
[–]mrnaizguy 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Move on immediately. Don't even respond, it's not worth your time. When she says this it is 100% a rejection. Every single time I heard this I was ghosted shortly after or they tried to milk my attention without any intentions to ever date me. Happened probably 20-30 times.
If she was actually interested she'd prioritise meeting you and make room in her schedule. No exceptions.
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[–]LatterIntention8693 19 points20 points21 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Miltonwh3 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]Infinite_Relation_86 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]brownhoosierboy 8 points9 points10 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Miltonwh [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]pokemonpokemonmario[🍰] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Miltonwh [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Miltonwh1 point [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]NiNj4_C0W5L4Pr 5 points6 points7 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Miltonwh [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]NiNj4_C0W5L4Pr 2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Miltonwh [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]NiNj4_C0W5L4Pr 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BensonInFL [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Miltonwh1 point [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]Hanmura 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Miltonwh [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Hanmura 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Narcan9 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]jsjs336 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]mdr615888 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Miltonwh1 point [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]TalionTheRanger93 -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Thelonious_Cube -1 points0 points1 point (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Miltonwh [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Thelonious_Cube 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Miltonwh1 point [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]ethical_slut -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]jwilhelm0618 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]The0rangeKind 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]eonscrewedme 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]mrnaizguy 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link