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[–]ProductivityMonster 147 points148 points149 points 5 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
Some people are actually busy, but yes, if they want to see you they will offer an alternative time(s) they are available.
[–]kynelly360 34 points35 points36 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Definitely makes senses AFTER the first meet up, but what I’m lowkey struggling with is how do you make them see you as a valuable if you just met on a dating app or quick interaction out in public.. It frustrates me how women don’t pursue more honestly because I know I have high value but you can’t really tell obviously if it’s just a tinder match or whatever, unlike a celebrity where you obviously know they’re rich and famous .. 😑
[–]ijustcantwithit 13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Be open about yourself on text/calls. Ask questions that ice break the person. Make them feel comfortable talking to you and don’t force it. I don’t go on face to face dates with guys until minimum 1 week after I give my number which I don’t do until a few days after matching. If I feel pressured about my speed then I’m going to stop talking real quick and move on. Anyone who wants into my life for any reason (even if it’s for a day) needs to respect me and themselves enough to go at a reasonable pace.
If you ask me about sex/preferences/kissing or other personal things like that in that time frame there won’t be a date let alone a chance for sex.
If your request for a date leaves it open that you want to hook up immediately after like “dinner and go back to my place and see how the night goes” and that’s not something you’ve mentioned in your profile, I won’t go on the date. I’m okay with causal hookups but I need to know up front what I’m getting myself into. If that’s what your looking for it’s okay to be upfront “Hey, I’d like to get to know you but I’m not looking for something serious just someone to have fun with. Is that okay?” Maybe not in the first 3 messages but within the first day it should be mentioned your intentions if it’s not in your bio.
If something comes up 1 time and you flip your lid even though I offer solutions to fix it: I won’t go on the date. The number of times I’ve had a last minute work deal or school deal come up and had to move my date one day or an hour and had a guy flip shit about me cancelling is insane, I never cancelled I just needed a rain check. It’s tacky. If she moves it and your flip out regardless of full cancel or a small shift in times, you’ve shown your cards and I won’t go on the date. I’ve never cancelled a date without rescheduling when things are going well. I then offer to pay and meet closer to the person for the inconvenience of it.
If you have peaked my interest enough for a date in that very short amount of time, I will make it a priority to go on the date. Not every girl will do this. If she’s not, it’s fine but cut your losses. Pestering her won’t yield results and you never know who her friends are so you don’t want to cut chances with other women.
The best rule: don’t be creepy. I know that’s hard to define but it basically looks like lying, over selling yourself (be confident but not cocky), talking about your junk and your conquests is not hot, telling me all the things you could do to me/my body is creepy and egotistical because you don’t know me or what I like. If she says no, it’s no. If she says maybe, it’s no. If she says anything other than yes, it’s no. If you respect that and it’s not a firm no, she might change it to a yes and now you’ve shown her respect.
[–]kynelly360 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Hey good to know! The only thing I think is wrong is why does everyone expect to have a pre-determined goal. I feel like it’s so weird to say “Just looking for fun” or “only looking for a relationship”... Nooo. I don’t care like sure obviously I’d like to have sex I’m a human being but if she’s awesome sure I’d like to get into a relationship. We shouldn’t be expected to be only looking forward one night standers or only relationships... Like wtf one is basically a prerequisite for the other. Really doesn’t make sense to me.
[–]ijustcantwithit 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I just meant that some of the dates I went on that was the goal the person had in mind. They had no other reason for the date, no interest to get to know me so my point is if your goal is ONLY to get girls in bed and you know that a relationship isn’t going to happen, be upfront. I want to know if this is a hookup before I go out. If it’s a true date then letting things go as they might is fine. My quote example was me not really knowing how to put that they just want a hook up or fwb type deal so nothing serious. I’ve gotten those messages a few times and it’s been helpful when my goal is looking for something potentially long term or if I’m just looking to get laid.
[–]my_dog_can_dance 16 points17 points18 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
This exactly. I once read about this little rule of thumb which made many future interactions so much easier. And it goes both ways too.
If they are really interested they will immediately propose an alternative date or window. If they don't just take it as a general "no" and move on. Never once has it failed me.
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]my_dog_can_dance 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
From what you describe I'd say yes. I mean if she was tired and went to bed early and then rescheduled the next day on her own urge that sounds legit to me. Being the important thing she did it on her own.
[–]TootsNYC 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This was me. I had plans for my summer, so when I met this guy at a friend's party and he asked me out for the very next weekend, I couldn't go, and he asked for the weekend after that, and I couldn't then either. The guy asked, maybe I wasn't interested. You can be darned sure that I leaped to say, "no, no, it's just that I already had plans, are you free for the weekend after that?"
I married that guy, and he always says, "If someone is really interested in you, they'll make it clear. If you have to chase they aren't interested."
[–]FUBARcomedy 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
People are never busy, they only have priorities. if they are truly interested, they will text when they get the chance. If they are obsessed, they’ll spam that phone.
[–]xxchhfdd35325 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yup you are dead accurate i work tons of hours on top of a 2 hour round trip commute i have 2 friends and my immediate family i will Allllllllllways respond to immediately or within the hour if I’m in a meeting or whatever regardless of how “busy” i am. If i don’t respond its because i don’t really care at that moment
[–]MeanMrMustard15 79 points80 points81 points 5 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
I had one of the best first dates of my life not long ago. Instant chemistry and attraction. She came back two days later enthusiastically. I needed no effort to coax her into giving me some time from her busy schedule. Things progress over the next two weeks pretty quickly. She’s spending the night w me regularly, has a toothbrush in my bathroom. Then one night she says she’s afraid of catching feelings due to her previous relationship. Fast forward a few weeks and now I’m getting the “I’m busy” texts. No effort to reschedule, flaking on plans, etc. I stayed persistent for about two weeks(which she said she enjoyed) before things ended between us.
The point I’m making here is that no matter the quality of your first interaction nothing is promised. I think that point is somewhat misleading. Everyone is different. However, understanding the exact point that people who want you in their life will make an effort to keep you in their life is an invaluable lesson. Don’t ever ever ever beg for someone’s time. You won’t get what you want and you’ll make yourself look pathetic in the process.
[–]kynelly360 20 points21 points22 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Wowww that’s sad that other person is missing out on what seems like a good situation with you homie. All for what? Paranoia...?
[–]MeanMrMustard15 13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
There’s more to it but I mean, not necessarily. If we were on track toward a relationship but she didn’t want a relationship then we were left if only sex and physical attraction. Which, as great as that was, isn’t what either of us deserved out of the situation.
[–]Kink3 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Plenty of people subconsciously sabotage solid relationships. Especially if they think the other person is too good for them.
[–]ModeratorCaptain_w00t 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I’ve been on the “other side” some months ago, I can tell you what made me act in that way (without pretending it’s the same for your case).
Things progressed very quickly, I had my toothbrush at her home, seeing her many times per week (mostly at night, when I’ve done all my daily duties, etc...). Great chemistry, great sex, she took a lot of care with me, she cooked delicious dinners for me, etc...
BUT after few weeks, I’ve started feeling in my gut that something wasn’t totally ok. So much responsibility, me driving to her home started to feel like “another duty”, so I reduced the time to dedicate to her and eventually ended the relationship. I just told her I didn’t want to be committed in that kind of relationship.
It took some time (especially after the breakup) for me to understand what wasn’t going on with that person, but then I realized that despite her many good traits, it wasn’t what I was really looking for.
Sometimes it’s not about loosing interest, instead you feel like you could give your interest to someone which gives you a different vibe, regardless of the fact that there could be evident red flags or not.
[–]MeanMrMustard15 10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Lol yeah... this doesn’t make me feel better at all
[–]ModeratorCaptain_w00t 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well, my intent was to give a different point of view. I agree that nothing could be taken for granted in general, but few weeks of dating can’t be reliable at all.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Depends where you are at in life, but she sounded like a keeper. You may regret this years later.
Speaking for myself, I'm in a relationship with exactly the same type of girl you've described, basically wife material but not terribly exciting personality-wise. A stunner though. She's only 21 and I'm in my late 30s. I'll take that, thank you very much!
[–]ModeratorCaptain_w00t 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m sure I won’t regret for many reasons. First of all I’m in my 40s, and I already had a marriage (with kids), so I know very well the rules of LTR game. Second, she also had many unresolved issues which I didn’t want to take on my back. Third, I actually found a person which represents what I’m looking for.
[–]Tobeddetermined 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sounds like a classic case of different adult attachment styles.
I urge you to read this book:
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and how it Can Help You Find--and Keep--love
Book by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller
Attached
[–]wirelezz 14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you. Please understand that seduction isn't tricking women into being with you, but learning how to become a better self and learning how to present that self to women in the best way possible, in such manner that they can make a decision whether or not they're interested in you (what Manson calls "polarizing").
Those who don't make time for you are not worth pursuing.
[–]latinaut 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well, regular people aren't celebrities so it's not like they'll be putting as much of a value but they'll definitely make time at that or another day.
[–]MO_drps_knwldg 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Agreed. If someone has a high level of attraction, they will find a way to spend time with you, even if they are extremely busy.
[–]vansterdam90 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The perfect match may not always be perfect, but the perfect match will like you back.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Spot on. Text play is overrated and detracts from rather than gives any meaningful value over and above an initial encounter. Just as with real life, presence trumps not being there every time.
[–]raideninvest 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well may be true in most cases, but not every person is the same.
Some here mentioned that people just don’t have time because they are really busy studying and/or working and sometimes people really want to spend time with you but are too shy or feel like they can’t bring enough to the table to feel relaxed. I’m sure you can think of lots of other reasons why people may not meet you even though they would want to...
[–]kyreerahiem 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Completely agree
[–]LakersAreTerrible25 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Some people literally can't make the time is the issue. Believe it or not, there are people (like me) who have been with enough women to where the hype is gone. Plus I'm 23 now, so I'm graduated from university and working as a software engineer. Then I lift, cook, take care of all my household responsibilities and then maybe I have time for 1 chick or friend a week. If youre grown, you shouldn't even worry about women if you don't have your stuff together
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I like this. Valuing "me time" is important and often the best strategy to finding the right partner for you and where you are at in life.
[–]nowwhathappened 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
This is so toxic.
[+]MuchFunSuchWow -10 points-9 points-8 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
lmao you call this toxic 😂 Who hurt you little boy?
[–]TheOffice_Account 12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Who hurt you little boy?
toxic femininity has entered the chat
[–]may_I_please_come 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Fuck out of here with the bullying.
[–]Brownboybb 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
very true man, nothing trumps initial impressions formed on the first meeting
I have certainly realized this.
[–]RoseRed20 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Making time is the best gift! That effort to want to see your person... as good as it gets.
[–]Medical_Reflection 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Creating the most interesting interaction isn't the solution. Being a person of value is more important. Like all game focusing on improving yourself is the most important thing to attract women. Then when you dress well, are in shape and have a good job they will be lining up to date you.
[–]rad_dynamic 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Orrrr become a sports hero or musician.
In other words, increase your value
[–]Cibula82 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
There is no chemistry in txting strangers u never met. Now speaking on the phone is different. Some place too much value on txts with strangers.
[–]denl67 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You still need to be able to follow-up properly but in general I do agree
[–]mrrooftops 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Clicked on the link and just saw a grey sperg deconstructing humans in an awkward cringe way. Er. No.
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[–]ProductivityMonster 147 points148 points149 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]kynelly360 34 points35 points36 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]ijustcantwithit 13 points14 points15 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]kynelly360 9 points10 points11 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ijustcantwithit 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]my_dog_can_dance 16 points17 points18 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]my_dog_can_dance 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]TootsNYC 7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]FUBARcomedy 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]xxchhfdd35325 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MeanMrMustard15 79 points80 points81 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]kynelly360 20 points21 points22 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]MeanMrMustard15 13 points14 points15 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Kink3 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ModeratorCaptain_w00t 8 points9 points10 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]MeanMrMustard15 10 points11 points12 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ModeratorCaptain_w00t 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ModeratorCaptain_w00t 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Tobeddetermined 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]wirelezz 14 points15 points16 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]latinaut 8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MO_drps_knwldg 7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]vansterdam90 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]raideninvest 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]kyreerahiem 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]LakersAreTerrible25 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]nowwhathappened 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[+]MuchFunSuchWow -10 points-9 points-8 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheOffice_Account 12 points13 points14 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]may_I_please_come 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Brownboybb 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]RoseRed20 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Medical_Reflection 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]rad_dynamic 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Cibula82 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]denl67 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]mrrooftops 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link