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[–]Snazzy_Serval 23 points24 points25 points 9 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
Can you post some more tips on how to make a profile that gets attention from women?
All the tips in the world of how to message aren't going to help when I never get matches.
[–]penis_in_my_hand 31 points32 points33 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
be hot
[–]Extramrdo 18 points19 points20 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
don't be not hot
[–]Luis_McLovin 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
this
[–]gigitygigitygoo 6 points7 points8 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Include a shot of yourself doing something fun, one dressed up in a suit, and another out with friends. Make sure the photos are somewhat recent or that they're at least consistent in your appearance or they'll be off put thinking you only have a few from years ago to choose from.
When taking photos with friends make sure you're in the middle so that you are the focus point. It subconsciously suggests that you're the most important as opposed to the guy on the far left who just managed to make it in the shot. I'm just over 5'10" so when I do group shots you'd better believe I'm on my fucking tippy toes too.
Selfies backfire when that's all or the majority of what you post...one isn't gonna kill it but try not to make it your default photo unless you're incredibly handsome.
[–]Snazzy_Serval 4 points5 points6 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Thanks for the photo tips.
It looks like I have to stage some photos, and get a suit.
I'm very wary of group photos because they make it painfully obvious that I'm really short. At 5'5, 9 times out of 10 I'm the shortest one in the group. I'm not really sure what to do.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well, you can't really trick her when you actually meet her in person, so stop judging yourself preemptively and leave it up to the girls. If they're not gonna be with you because of your height, then that's their problem. Don't make it yours.
source: am 5'6" and I do fine
[+]TheJasonSensation -11 points-10 points-9 points 9 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Buy an expensive camera or hire a professional photographer. Either way, it's gonna cost you a few hundred $$.
[–]sh0nuff 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Just take some photos outside on a clear sunny day. Make sure the sun is somewhere in front of you and most phones can take a decent enough photo. I'm always amazed by the shitty quality of photos on Tinder.
[–]PsyanideInk 8 points9 points10 points 9 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
This is actually really bad advice, photographically speaking. Direct sunlight is very unflattering. It washes out features, and creates harsh shadows because it is a small light source, relatively speaking. u/Snazzy_Serval, if you want to take good photos wait until about an hour before sunset, and use the soft late afternoon light to get the best results. Alternatively overcast days are very good, as is using the reflected light off of a white building or similar. Also, for the very best results use a DSLR with a fast lens, set aperture to f/2.8 or larger. Alternatively, assuming this isn't an option, use a phone that has a portrait mode that blurs the background, simulating shallow depth of field. There are also apps that can do this after the fact.
[–]sh0nuff 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Well sure. There's plenty of ways to take way better pics. I'm just trying to stop people from using a potato in their basement.
[–]PsyanideInk 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Fair enough. I guess I'm not really up to speed on the general quality, or lack thereof, in guys tinder profile pics haha.
[–]PokeMasterCody 8 points9 points10 points 9 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Take a selfy with a starbucks coffee. Sooo many girls noticed and started messaging me on dating sites after that.
[–]whoratio-sanz 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Man, I like Tim Horton's so much more! I don't think it would get me women like "Starbucks" though. Might be worth an experiment.
[–]Darylwilllive4evr 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Not sure if serious, genuinely.
[–]PokeMasterCody 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I am dead serious. I wasn't getting any attention but then I added and made my picture holding a starbucks as my main and soo many likes and messages after that. A girl that started ignoring me after like 2 messages message me back almost asap even and is now my g/f!
[–]TOEMEIST 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Did you ask her why they like that?
[–]PokeMasterCody 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Naw. Chicks just love Starbucks! haha. I get tons of messages saying, "I like starbucks!" I held it up looking like I was offering "hey lets get a starbucks on me" sorta pose.
[–]SatinDoll15 46 points47 points48 points 9 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link
Here's the downfall or that plan- I usually won't meet someone after just 5-6 back and forths unless it's another girl. With guys I have to screen for overly aggressive, clingy, and crazy. If a girl is crazy I can just ditch her, if a guy is crazy I worry for my physical safety.
So, yes, some women will meet quickly. But a lot won't meet THAT quickly.
For me it was more- if a guy was willing to text (however infrequently) for about a week, I'd set up a date. Didn't ever bang on the first date even if I really wanted to (just wanted to make sure I'd see the dude more than once), so I hate when a guy goes in with the expectation that they already have it "in the bag". If it's a bad date, you won't get laid and definitely won't get a 2nd date. I usually like when a guy is flirty, but relaxed as if he doesn't care which way the evening goes (we both obviously care, but it's less pressure).
[–][deleted] 9 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]mancozbi 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanks ten and satin for first class tips!
I usually like when a guy is flirty, but relaxed as if he doesn't care which way the evening goes (we both obviously care, but it's less pressure). But if you just treat it like it's not a big deal, and take the attitude that you're a quality guy who she will want to meet up with eventually, you come across as a confident, trustworthy guy.
I usually like when a guy is flirty, but relaxed as if he doesn't care which way the evening goes (we both obviously care, but it's less pressure).
But if you just treat it like it's not a big deal, and take the attitude that you're a quality guy who she will want to meet up with eventually, you come across as a confident, trustworthy guy.
[–]SatinDoll15 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is exactly why I do that. Even though it's a hook-up app I like no pressure hookups. And from time to time you have INCREDIBLE chemistry and might want to have a long-term fwb, and I just generally vibe better with patient and polite guys that have confidence and aren't desperate. Sounds like a tall order, and I'm not saying they don't have any insecurities, but I just mean that have confidence they won't lose my interest if I say I'm not ready to meet "yet" :)
[–]grass_cutter 6 points7 points8 points 9 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Meh. I had a really conservative girl meet me after 5-6 messages. They were spaced out over the course of a week.
She waited like 5-6 dates before we did the no pants dance, too.
Your logic is kind of ... odd. If the guy is aggressive or creepy, are 5-6 messages really going to be different than 20 messages talking about Pokemon or some bullshit?
Meet the guy in a public space and you'll be fine.
Us guys really need to weed out the time wasters on Tinder (like the girl who is just pissed at her boyfriend or needs a confidence booster) -- so yeah if a girl doesn't jump at a date in a reasonable time, I have to move on.
Meeting in person just saves a lot more time than endless text messages. That shit is laborious to me unless I know the person. Throw in that half the girls operate from the mindset "entertain me!" and it makes for some lame text convo.
[–]sharp_as_stars 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I agree. Chicks on Tinder have the expactation of being amazed by a single line of text or a super steamy opener taken from god-knows-where. My approach is this: if she does not reply to three texts in a row, spread over a week or so, she ain't that interested in the first place = moving on. I don't have the time to be anyone's jester waiting for approval. What I found works in getting a repsonse is asking genuine questions about her photos or profile description. Like realy genuine. Not some crappy structured questions taken from the Internets. After a 5-6 back and forth just asking them out brings the cat out of the bag. If she refuses, 90% of the time she's a time waster. Moving on.
[–]SatinDoll15 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
You seem to have misread. Number of messages doesn't matter as much as the patience. So my logic does make sense. Read /u/Tenmagnet s response. They articulated my reasoning even better than I did.
That's absolutely why I have someone wait. It's annoying to be asked to drop your life immediately for a stranger for a date that might suck too, so if they are patient I'm willing to go out of my way.
But hey, if you're having success on Tinder, that means you aren't coming across as creepy. You aren't the one dating guys there. My process has been fine for me. Slower, but fine. I'm not really in a rush to get laid most of the time - I, like most women, could go to a club and pick up someone if I was that desperate for sex.
There are exceptions to every rule, but there have been a couple of times where making an exception wasted even more of my time- super shitty date. Hot guy, no depth (yes, weird I know, I do sometimes like to talk to the people I fuck)...Texting a few days longer would have saved me the disappointment/time sink of an awkward date. Luckily haven't met any physically violent people but I think the ones I've rejected have been normal nice people, but I could tell that through their texts.
And yep, meeting in public is what most people with common sense do. If you read, I usually go on one date to feel out chemistry, then a 2nd if I'm dtf
[–]grass_cutter 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Yeah being pushy is one thing. My theory is that the longer 'you've been texting' - the more it seems you know each other. So 4 messages over a week is a lot more meaningful than a day, even though, rationally, not really. Well, maybe it proves more investment.
you aren't coming across as creepy
Every guy worth a damn comes across as creepy at least 10% of the time to some women. It's part of the territory. It's like that old poker adage: If you never get caught bluffing, you're not bluffing nearly enough. It's not intentional; it's more about risk taking.
could go to a club and pick up someone if I was that desperate for sex.
I, a man, can also get laid anytime I want. Unfortunately, it's also only with other males, and offers me little pleasure or flattery.
Hey, the dating game is basically game theory, a nash equilibrium, in action. Guys have motive to weed through time wasters, girls have enough prospects to sit back and try to mine information. People who meet will obviously fall somewhere in the middle of that path.
[–]SatinDoll15 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I guess it depends what you consider a waste of time. Seeing if I even have anything in common before bothering to meet because I actually like conversation (or perhaps at least to find out if you're sexually compatible) to me isn't a waste of time. I know it might be to some people, so it's good when those people stop messaging. Those are usually the guys that last minute booty call anyway. Endless messaging is different than asking someone to wait a little while. But if a guy gives up from one minor rejection/small expectation of patience then it's ok with me.
[–]grass_cutter 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Well, for me, first of all I can get to know someone 100x faster and more accurately in person than whatever bullshit they're spewing at me over the phone, a list of hobbies, or their favorite Pokemon. Just doesn't work that way.
Women are usually pretty low effort on their side, because why bother, but I can tell you that probably a good portion of the men you're talking to are putting on 'the Big Show' they think you want to hear, to convince you to meet with them. Even if part of that is seeming like they don't give a shit.
You'll find out as much truth about them and a future relationship as you will talking to a politician in a public forum, a salesman about the merits of a new car, or someone's true priorities during a job interview. Complete bull crap mostly.
Sure a first date can be like that too, but I think after a few hours and a couple drinks you can get down to brass tacks.
Also bear in mind for a guy: some girls love to talk and talk and talk and make an emotional connection even if they have no interest in dating you whatsoever. They need an emotional tampon because their boyfriend yelled at them and is out with the guys this weekend. So there's not much point to waste time with that; a guy needs to figure out who is not a time-waster right away.
Personally, and I know this my unique taste and not palatable method at all for many people, but my standards for dating are much higher than sex, and I think it puts people at ease mostly, so I have no problem having sex first, then wondering about an extended relationship second. I know that's not how many women operate though.
Again it's all about game theory. Both sexes have their strategies; can't blame either for optimizing their own happiness. I don't lie to anybody but I also can't be a doormat.
[–]SatinDoll15 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
But the people that I have met are the same as how they portrayed themselves. I have become fuck buddies, friends, and even casually (non-exclusively) dated from apps so how can you make those broad statements? How can you "guarantee" something if you weren't the one on the date haha. You're making assumptions about "all people", when you're assuming I'm attracted to liars or don't have the judgement to see through b-s.
Paragraph 2- I'm not sure about this, I'm new to dating women and from what I see women act differently toward women than men, so you're probably right, it's just not the case for me so I keep my method. I've had enough success and changing it really won't make a difference since my Tinder is flooded even if/when I'm pretty inactive.
And your method of having sex makes sense. In the case something goes wrong on a guy's side they aren't stuck paying for an abortion or taking care of a kid. But as a woman, that's why I at least want to not hate the person I'm potentially going to fuck. Not likely to get pregnant, but unless I get my tubes tied there's always some chance.
[–]grass_cutter 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Maybe biologically speaking yes, but no way I want to get some random woman pregnant. They can come after you legally, unless you're already a deadbeat in/ out of jail and don't give a fuck.
[–]Terakahn 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Wait so you wouldn't even meet in a safe way? Like, say you liked the look of the guy and he asks to grab coffee or something. You'd say no? I personally don't like texting back and forth. Having a real conversation is way better. Sometimes I feel like a minority there =p
[–]SatinDoll15 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Take it on a case by case. But generally how would I even know if I like/have common interests without texting, a phone convo, or Skype call? I prefer that to blindly meeting. Those things can be 5 min out of your day for a couple of days, while going on a date ...I want to make sure I look nice (up to 1.5 hours if I do something special with my hair since it's really curly normally), I'm nervous and self-conscious, have to figure out a time, place, date that works for us both, and I generally have to have a friend (or back when I lived near, my brother) that is available in case a person is crazy. Nobody has been crazy so it's just been a precaution so far, but it's a lot more effort, so if a person can't take a few minutes for one of those other things either they aren't that interested, or it's a bad sign.
Even guys who hate texting have taken the time to text or at least call so I feel comfortable meeting if they actually are interested. If a guy flakes because of this, it means he's not all that interested anyway XD I like fwb better than 1 night stands. Maybe that's why I'm like this.
[–]Terakahn 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That makes sense. I'd usually do a 5-10 minute phone call and cover all the things I would text about for several days. It's good to know what you like though.
[–]KillahHills10304 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
True. I tinder chat for like 2 or 3 days and really drive home I'm not a sociopathic murderer, then ask for the number (this is where like 90% of your chats go dead, but that's their loss). Then always opt for a public meeting spot.
Can't tell if you were accidentally making puns or if you're just that good haha.
But I'm sorry to hear that. Sometimes it is hard arranging dates. Sometimes I even have trouble where, if I suggest a date the following week because I'm busy with work/school the guy ghosts. Because they want sex now XD not my fault I'm busy some weeks.
[–][deleted] 11 points12 points13 points 9 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
Usually I text my matches something like: Hey I really like your blablabla on picture X. but I'm not into texting for weeks. I like to get to know people in real life. Let's meet for 30Minutes at place X and have a cup of coffee to see if we're compatible. If we don't like each other we only wasted like 30Minutes but you got a coffee for free.
Works for me almost every time (ok actually 60-70% of the time) and yes I usually pay the 2 bucks for a coffee.
[–][deleted] 9 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 9 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
right away :)
[–][deleted] 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I am actually 30! :) But my Tinder is set up for 20-28year old girls that are within a 10kilometers radius. This works for me and I live in Germany if this important.
[–]sharp_as_stars 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Sounds solid. Will give it a try once I find some spare time.
[–]recigar 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I totally agree with part three although you need tact but mate I have no problem at all and totally disobey your first two rules
[–]evered 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So did you fuck Genna or not?
[–][deleted] 9 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]PlayLikeNeverB4 7 points8 points9 points 9 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Best dating advice: just be yourself!
[–]PlayLikeNeverB4 5 points6 points7 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I know, fam. It was sarcasm. Isn't "be yourself" a meme on this sub already?
Be confident too ;)
[–]Terakahn 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No, they don't. And a lot of people learn the wrong things. Even my manager who is mid 30s and married doesn't know how to continue a conversation and has long bouts of silence in the middle of every talk with him. Like he just runs out of things to say and gets really uncomfortable.
[–][deleted] 9 years ago* (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]Tommie015 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Explain
[–]Tommie015 3 points4 points5 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I would say you are
[–]admin-mod 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I wouldn't say that. Our forefathers got all the fun without the smartphones. It isn't impossible.
[–]SoundcloudAddict 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, but nobody else did either
[–]Tommie015 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Our forefathers marriage where arranged by their fathers... They were supposed to have just one sex partner in life and couldn't even choose who.
What do you mean by all the fun?
Aren't you afraid missing out on stuff like Tinder?
You are if you're trying to use tinder =p
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[–]Snazzy_Serval 23 points24 points25 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]penis_in_my_hand 31 points32 points33 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Extramrdo 18 points19 points20 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Luis_McLovin 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]gigitygigitygoo 6 points7 points8 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Snazzy_Serval 4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
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[+]TheJasonSensation -11 points-10 points-9 points (4 children) | Copy Link
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[–]PokeMasterCody 8 points9 points10 points (5 children) | Copy Link
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[–]Darylwilllive4evr 1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
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