I want to preface this by saying this is a long read. The next paragraph isn't essential to read if you are short on time.

For all of elementary, middle, and the first half of high school, my confidence was absolutely messed up. I did well academically and I was very smart, but I felt ridiculously unconfident about my looks and my body. I was in the bottom 10th percentile of height, very skinny, had a small penis, and my face was quite unattractive. While all my friends were dating, I was watching it all go by because I believed I wasn't good enough and that I was ugly. In my junior and senior year of high school, a major transformation occurred. I grew to 5' 9, my penis length became average and my girth was quite a bit above average, I hit the gym and put on muscle, and my face became more mature and looked way way better. However, I still had the same terrible confidence in my looks and ability with women, since that had been rooted in me my whole life.

Fast forward to senior year of high school. The girl of my dreams gets out of a three year relationship and is finally back on the market. We were friends, but I had never put in any flirty vibes whatsoever. We begin texting more and more, and I talk to her at a party and I start to notice some seriously flirty vibes. My fucking pathetic self confidence still dragged me down however! I made no move. We texted a lot after that. I made no moves. We went to study at Starbucks alone together. I made no moves. Finally, after months of me being a pussy with this girl and waiting for her to somehow ask me out (lol this doesn't happen often to anyone), I decided to ask her out! I did it over text like a complete wimp of course. She said yes! Then a few hours later she gave me a pretty bs reason for why she actually wouldn't be able to go that time and she didn't offer another date/time. I was heartbroken. I stopped talking to her altogether cause I felt so sad and my confidence had hit an all time low. Then miraculously around two weeks later, she hit me with a cute message saying that she wants to go to the movies with me. Well shit, I was fucking elated. I thought I was in. I mean the movies are built to hookup! However, my poor confidence when it comes to looks and women bested me again. I didn't set up a flirty vibe at all when we ate before the movie. Then in the movie (WHICH SHE EVEN TOLD ME SHE HAD SEEN BEFORE), she picked the very back corner seats for us to sit. I was literally given the biggest signs on the motherfucking planet. She asked me out. She told me she had seen the movie before and didn't really like it, so clearly she was there for me. Then, she picks the literal best seats for making out and being private. And guess what I did for the next 2 and half hours as the movie droned on. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Fucking nothing. I dropped her off at her house after, and I could tell most of the attraction was dead. We talked a bit after this but not nearly enough as we used to. Prom was coming up and I thought it would be a great idea to ask her and try to rekindle what I had lost! I asked her and she said yes! We went to prom together, drove alone together, did all this stuff together, and I did nothing. At this point, she was done with me. She began talking to others guys, as she should have. I had been given literally months to make a move. Fucking months. And I let this complete bs low self confidence because of previous bad looks ruin everything. Always, always, always make the move. It hurts so much worse to not know what would of happened than to be rejected. When you are rejected, it is over in a matter of seconds. When you never make your move, the feelings, ideas, thoughts will never truly go away.

TLDR: I fucked up with the girl of my dreams, because I was too scared to make a move. It is always better to be rejected than to live your life not knowing what would have happened.

Edit: Thanks so much for all the support. It really means a lot. I’m now going into my second year of college, so I’m not longer angry or sad about this event. I just decided to write about it to help myself and others learn from it. Similar situations where if I made a move it definitely would’ve worked out happened to me 4 other times in my senior year alone, and it took me until now to realize this!