Failure after failure

mr_wonderful505 · 2025-08-20T23:15:51+00:00

Do in person. You'll get better results. It's more difficult (not impossible) to meet people or build rapport with someone you've never met on social media.

itotron · 2025-08-21T02:13:13+00:00

I actually have the answer you need to hear:

"STOP FOCUSING ON THE OUTCOME."

Count your progress by your actions. If you went from zero approaches to 30, that's really amazing.

Have fun with just approaching. Don't put so much stock into results.

Vinniikii · 2025-08-20T23:20:02+00:00

That’s tough, it’s tough to try meeting people and have no successful interactions. Without more information it’s hard to give advice. Sounds like you are meeting strangers in places where you don’t have power. This will always be a low-odds gamble.

Another big flaw I see is that 2 months is a normal time to seduce ~one~ high-status woman. A month of casual dating to demonstrate your high status and desirability, a month of serious dating to demonstrate your value and deep commitment. By being in a rush and seriously casual, you presume you are extremely rare and attractive. Apparently you are not, any serious woman seeing you run around trying to pick up women at bus stops or parks would be suspicious of your intentions and value.

Altruistic-Patient-8 · 2025-08-21T02:54:40+00:00

Id be proud that I even approached 30 women. Only need to hit the jackpot once.

Rhino3750ss · 2025-08-20T23:34:14+00:00

Anything in life that you want to succeed at requires that you put forth maximum effort.

When you understand that attracting women is the sole exception to the above rule, you start seeing results.

liftingnstuff · 2025-08-21T00:19:58+00:00

You're results orientated not process orientated. If you only focus on the results, you will get demoralized when things aren't going well, you won't be able to identify what you're doing right and wrong, and you won't be able to focus on your weak points.

Be honest in evaluating your approaches. What did you do well? What did you do poorly?

Andrea-Amilcare · 2025-08-21T00:20:06+00:00

Are you just "approaching" girls on IG or are you doing it in real life? If it's on IG, unless you have top notch profile with a gazillion followers, you're playing a game you have no shot at winning.

DisastrousFig5465 · 2025-08-21T00:45:04+00:00

Several questions.

Are you learning from any coaches? Have you bought any online courses, and are you implementing that information? Having structure and tactics will allow you to test out what works for you and what doesn't.

I applaud you for having the courage to take action, but if you're shooting in the dark with no tactics or plans, you'll be stumbling for a long time.

Coaches/Dating gurus I recommend you check out - Todd V (super technical, but deeply informative). Playing With Fire - Focuses on dating apps and text game. Honest Signalz - Whether it's Austen, Justin, or Vadim, you can learn a great deal from these guys and watch them to see what an approach looks like.

What is your end goal? Are you just trying to get laid? Or are you looking for a committed relationship? Knowing what you truly want, and especially knowing what you don't want (like settling for less for the rest of your life), can keep you motivated and going even when times get tough.
Have you had success before? Or are you just starting out? Recognize that if you are a hard case newbie, this stuff can take a while. Sometimes months, even years. There's going to be a LOT of rejections in the beginning, so might as well make the rejections FUN.

One thing is for sure - taking action is the only solution to improving your dating life. You already have the ball rolling, why stop now? No progress can be made without taking action, and it looks like you are already going for it.

Aim to improve your game tiny bit by tiny bit over time, rather than trying to get laid/into a relationship as soon as possible. Take your big end goal, and chunk it down into tiny doable pieces where, again, as long as you keep taking action, you will inevitably get to your destination.

Hope this helps.

WebNew9978 · 2025-08-21T02:00:56+00:00

Just gotta keep trying OP. Maybe try in person?

ncolon2393 · 2025-08-21T02:57:19+00:00

Man, I get why you’re frustrated. Thirty approaches, nothing landing, it makes you start questioning if you’re doing something wrong. The truth is, it’s not about you being unattractive or unworthy. It’s just that the way you’re going about it isn’t giving women a real reason to engage.

DMs and cold approaches are high risk, low reward if there’s no vibe behind them. Most girls get random messages all the time. If you’re coming in with basic conversation and asking them out within a day or two, it feels like a copy-paste. They don’t know you. There’s no curiosity, no connection, no reason to care. That’s why you’re getting left on seen.

This doesn’t mean you should stop. It just means the approach needs to evolve. Start slow. Reply to a story, say something real, be observant. Don’t rush the meetup, build some banter, show some personality, and let it feel natural.

Also, check your IG. If your page looks empty, stiff, or like you’re trying to be mysterious, that works against you. Make sure it shows who you are. Girls will check it before they ever respond.

Don’t let the rejection get to your head. You’re just playing a short game in a space that rewards patience and subtlety. Make small adjustments and you’ll see a difference. And if you want help crafting a better message or figuring out what to say, I’m down to help. Just don’t give up yet. You’re not out of your league, you’re just rushing the climb.

BrycePrestonHayes · 2025-08-21T05:10:38+00:00

Good on you for getting out and approaching. Bad on you for relying on cold DMs in any capacity.

Instagram is like the dating apps; it doesn't hurt to have, but don't rely on it.

Getting out and talking to women in-person is the single best thing you can do to get immediate feedback. You won't get left on read, she can't compare you to her other matches, and the only decision to be made is whether or not she likes you.

Do more of that until you get more comfortable talking to women and carrying a conversation. Learn to enjoy the process and be less dependent on the outcome. Set yourself up for success, but don't be discouraged by failure.

Experience will come with time and effort. 30 is a good start, but it's a drop in the bucket.

ThatDarnSmell · 2025-08-21T05:22:39+00:00

Have you tried putting your phone down and actually talking to people in person?

BurnItDownSR · 2025-08-21T07:47:39+00:00

Are you learning anything about how to go about flirting?

Because just approaching and DMing without any sense of direction is like trying to cook without any recipes or knowing how all the stuff in the kitchen works.

Silly_Randy · 2025-08-21T11:55:11+00:00

Are you approaching women that want you to approach?

HistorianOk2573 · 2025-08-20T23:26:58+00:00

Look mate the problem is your cold approaches probably fail becuase the girls you approched did not feel the spark.

The spark is an emotion that she feels when you have actually managed to stir her emotions and managed to get under her skin.. As in managing to have an influence on her emotional state, on whether you can get her to feel mystery, sexual tension, anticipation, adrenaline, sadness, joy, anxiety, relief, thrill, suspense, shyness, or even make her feel pissed off, a little bit upset, sad, angry,...

The opposite of feeling the spark is feeling absolutely nothing at all, just pure indifferene as in "meh", she is not angry, she is not happy, she is not drawn to you, she is not repulsed by you,... Instead you simply have no effect at all in her emotions, it's like watching paint dry on a wall, it's not stimulating, it's not exciting, it's not thrilling because it's just a wall.

So when a woman tells you that she feels no spark, that's what she is saying... That spending taling with you pretty much felt exactly the same way as watching paint dry on a wall as in "i felt absolutely nothing", "this conversation with you was forgettable"... As in the interaction was not even bad enough to be genuinely angry about it, instead the date with you was just "mid".

And this usually happens because guys play it too safe, too polite, too nice, too predictable, too correct, because they don't wanna mess things up and have the fitler on. Removing the filter implies risk that she might get upset but ironically that's a risk you need to be willing to take if you want her to feel anything at all.

Because the worst thing is not that she gets upset with you, the worst thing is when you were forgettable and did not even manage to make her feel a bad emotion when even the bar for that was so low.

So you for numbers too fast, try to ask for dates too quick, it all comes across as a negotiation, as a bargain, you don't invite her to feel, you cause her to think and analyse you, and when you cause her to analyse you and think about whether she should see you or not, the asnwer more often than not will be a NO.

If you need any more personalized help just DM me.

Life-Income2986 · 2025-08-21T02:08:20+00:00

So you act like a freak with no friends cold-calling them like a scam artist and it's not working out? Why on earth would you expect it to?

VelvetVoltage1 · 2025-08-20T23:14:13+00:00

Have you considered approaching each as an individual human being not as a number?

Title	Failure after failure
Author	AdConsistent7066
Upvotes	11
Comments	38
Date	August 20, 2025 11:10 PM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1mvuhf7/failure_after_failure/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/failure-after-failure.1560069 https://theredarchive.com/post/1560069

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