First date nerves and what actually helps

Illustrious_Size610 · 2025-09-28T01:25:42+00:00

When you stop going on dates with the mindset of:

“i need to get something from her” or “i need to sell myself to her” or “i need to convince her that i am good enough” or “i need to impress her”, or “i need to get sex from her”, “i need to make sure i don’t offend her or upset her”

And instead you focus on expressing and exploring if you even like her personality, her vibe, and enjoy the connection for what it is now rather than for where it leads…

Then, all your nerves disappear.

ImpossibleBritches · 2025-09-28T01:47:43+00:00

You are nervous because you are attached to outcome. You want something out of her.

A date is just fun.

Now that you have the attention of a beautiful woman, you get to just chill, vibe and have fun.

You are nervous because you feel you have something to prove.

You don't.

hunterpua · 2025-09-28T08:14:11+00:00

First we need to get rid of this disconnected mindset.

A date is not a requirement for intimacy, a date is just a McGuffin. Just something to help you progress things in certain scenarios.

You really shouldn't be acting differently whether you're first meeting her or you're on a date.

All that matters is that you're able to make her comfortable enough to hang around you, you're able to flirt and playfully challenge her and she responds and is engaging with you, and that you're able to escalate.

If you can escalate all the way to sex when you first meet and it won't be very inconvenient to do so, then you should just do that.

I don't think of a date as the next logical step after meeting someone. Instead, I think, "Ok it'll be more challenging to go all the way with her in one sitting, so I'll just make plans with her so I can continue at a later time."

And given that I understand that, dates are actually so much easier for me in terms of nerves because I just pick up from where I left off but this time, she has actually gone out of her way to spend time with me and we're usually in a more physically comfortable setting.

Its like cold approach but she has nothing else going on other than hanging out with you.

HomelessMilkman · 2025-09-28T11:03:28+00:00

It's ultimately feeling reassured that relaxing, being 'present', enjoying yourself, tangibly changes how you come across.

From a first person point of view, the interaction is just as stimulating whether you're in your head or present in the situation; but while 'being in your head' is stimulating for you, nothing is happening in the real world. Anxiety, judgment, comparison, etc. is ultimately you stood/sat there with a blank expression in everyone else's eyes. The possibility of it 'attracting' or maintaining attention is 'zero'.

From third person, from their point of view, being 'present' means you're engaging with them, doing things, being stimulating, offering value, it's a 'night and day' difference. It is literally the difference between being 'attractive' and 'unattractive'; it's the difference between you doing nothing or something.

You can make it sound sophisticated and advanced, like you're 'projecting charisma', 'leading', 'adding value', and what have you, but most people just stand there as passengers, as bystanders, feel content and stimulated doing so. You just have to understand that you can't go meeting someone and spend your time there, completely distracted in this other world they have no part in.

farang · 2025-09-28T18:13:50+00:00

The thing that helps me the most is the phrase "anxiety is excitement". That helps turn the energy right around. Also, on the phone or on the date I'd have figured out just one simple thing to say to start off a conversation. Even if I never used it, I wouldn't feel speechless or tongue tied. And that was all it took.

Tatleman68 · 2025-09-28T11:03:05+00:00

Push a wall, it might help with the nerves

fvckCrosshairs · 2025-09-29T09:49:13+00:00

You’re putting the date on a padestal, she’s not the prize and neither are you, you both equal

Life-Income2986 · 2025-09-28T02:27:50+00:00

It isn't about the perfect line or a list of moves. Has anyone got systems or check-lists for dates?

silverblackgorilla · 2025-09-28T01:32:18+00:00

Do you have a sister that is younger than you? The reason I ask is because if you see how nervous girls get on first dates you'll know what I mean. The second reason I ask is because i almost see every female out there as my younger sibling. Not that I want to sleep with my sibling 😂 gross. I'm just saying that I don't give them that power over me. All women to me are my ugly little sister and it kills the nerves 😂. I know it's weird but it's like when people say that they think of their Grandma, when they are close to finishing.

No-Dot-7661 · 2025-09-28T08:03:16+00:00

Going on more dates so that it just feels like a routine helped me. Just go on more dates. Even with women who aren't that attractive. You also need to stop worrying if she will like you or not. You are the prize. You're going on the date to see if you like her, not if she likes you.

Title	First date nerves and what actually helps
Author	InTheNow_lifestyle
Upvotes	19
Comments	12
Date	September 28, 2025 1:18 AM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1nsbnpw/first_date_nerves_and_what_actually_helps/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/first-date-nerves-and-what-actually-helps.1562965 https://theredarchive.com/post/1562965

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