So yesterday I was out to sarge, for the first time. I went to a club and it was a disaster. I chose to stay completely sober, probably for the first time ever in a club and did zero approaches.

I know, I know...first night, nothing speacial to be still beaten by anxiety, so whats my problem ?

My problem is that as soon I left the club, I fell into deep depression. Instead of being proud of me, for the fact that I moved my ass out and mastered to drink no booze at all, I can't control my enormous self-accusations of not having the guts to approach.

So right now I'm still laying in my bed, 2 pm in Germany, awake since 10 o'clock, anxious to get out or do anything at all, feeling like a total piece of shit (muuuuch worse than before sarging), asking myself (and you): "Am I mentally to fragile ? Is this really good for me, when failure hits me THAT hard ? "