I dated a new hire at work (or at least for me it was a date. I asked her out for dinner).

When we met for dinner. I opened with a hug as an ice breaker. We then got to know each other a lot: Engaging conversations, a few fun bantering here and there, our preferences. During the dinner I opened that I considered this as a date and she acknowledged it.

We were seated across each other. When she was looking for a photo on her phone, I went to sit by her side then place my arm around her waist to escalate. There she said that she doesn't like physical contact and tilted her body away from me. So I went back to sitting across her. Physical touch is a big deal for me.

We got into the topic of attachment styles and she said that she's an avoidant. I don't want to get into a romantic relationship with avoidants because of their detachedness.

When we finished eating and left the restaurant. I was trying to start a convo about having a second date to which she deflected by changing the topic.

When I raised going somewhere else more private, she gave a bunch of excuses.

Ultimately, we parted ways awkwardly with her going into an Uber alone.

Part of me is thinking if it was a mistake I made like: not being explicit in saying it's a date, trying to push for a second date at the end of the first date, not calibrating well, etc. Part of me is also hurting with the way the night ended.

But the more rational side of me is seeing that even if we got the second date and eventually became a couple, it would eventually end badly with our incompatibilities. Physical touch is important to me and I don't want to be with someone romantically who doesn't like it. I don't like avoidants. And also, we're coworkers so relationship problems would make working together difficult.

Though we won't get together, I don't see the time, energy, and money I've spent on her to be a waste. It taught me that, first of all, I can get a date! But more importantly: some women are incompatible with you and it isn't worthy agonizing over losing them. The corollary is that some women are compatible with you.

Thanks for reading. I'd like to thank this sub for giving me the confidence to actually approach and move from there. Let's keep at it bros👊