[FR] Was I in the wrong?

nobody2000 · 2014-05-11T15:51:02+00:00

You've got to take the good with the bad.

I'm all for egalitarian relationships, and with that, comes equal pay. Now, I tend to pay more often than not, but that's because I'm pretty financially well off.

I remember this one girl. HB8. She and I hit it off, she specifically commented at how she really liked how direct, confident, etc I was.

When I asked her out on date 2, she said "I don't think it's possible that I could have a bad time with you" or something like that.

So we had the date, and I paid a lot for dinner, so I asked her to chip in the small amount of money ($12 for 2 tickets) to see some good music. She gave me a look of disgust, but paid. She was cold all night, so I just rolled with it. I think I dropped $20 or so on drinks for us (I really don't remember, but I made a few trips).

She was standoffish and later said she wasn't interested in going out anymore. I was a little pissed but I got over it. I didn't get exactly why, but I'm 90% sure it had to do with me not paying for everything.

The lesson was you can't win them all. You can do everything right. You can be confident. You can have a proverbial dick the size of an elephant's truck. You can be outcome independent. You can dress well. You can kino. You can do low-grade closing like k-closes and number closes, and most of all you can be your own man but you can still lose. Some values just are more important than others for some women. Luckily seduction teaches you how and why you should just quickly move on.

Frankly, I feel like I dodged a bullet. If she was going to warm that much up to me and then get that cold, I imagine that dating her any longer would have at best led to some crazy girl sex (at the cost of having a crazy girlfriend or girl-that-thinks-she's-my-girlfriend).

rangamatchstick · 2014-05-11T14:20:39+00:00

FUCK.THAT

She has got to be the most stuck up chick ever and you honestly should of replied something along the lines of, "oh so I need money to be attractive" as that is possibly the rudest, cold hearted, snoby, stuck up thing I have possibly ever heard a girl doing.

To be honest, you dodged a bullet, imagine how much she would of cost?

Cesare_MA · 2014-05-11T14:25:27+00:00

If she has a job, she better be paying her fair share, at least that's what I believe. I think you dodged a bullet there to be honest.

2014-05-11T15:45:55+00:00

Dude that's complete bullshit. I have girls pay for their own cab home after they leave my place and they're fine with it. Mind you my women are 18-19. She's 21.... And my girls are cool with it so who's the immature one? She is. This isn't a place full of unicorns and rainbows where we pay for everything a women wants. Fuck that.

suppermick · 2014-05-11T18:43:06+00:00

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FatGuyGamer · 2014-05-11T15:34:35+00:00

Bullet-dodged man, it happens sometimes. Ain't nothing wrong with her buying a round here or there, let her date the older guys who will wine and dine her ass while you step back into the game to find a hotter girl who will pay for you once and awhile.

iamoz · 2014-05-11T16:46:56+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2014-05-11T17:21:33+00:00

I've come across girls like this too. It is immature to think a man should feed you and transport you and this and that. Be authentic. If she doesn't want to pay for anything, the man she needs is her daddy

2014-05-11T18:37:27+00:00

Ditch the bitch. Doesn't matter how hot she is, beautiful women are a dime a dozen, and she's shown her true colors. Her true, selfish, spoiled, sexist colors.

not_gordon_freeman · 2014-05-11T18:42:31+00:00

If I'm inviting someone out, I'll usually pay for most or all of everything. Them not at least offering to pay or chip in is a bad sign though. I wouldn't want a second date with someone who expects me to pay every time. If I'm paying it's because I want to be generous, not because I have some duty that's tied to my sex.

DiscreteOpinion · 2014-05-11T18:36:18+00:00

She's the immature one. Don't worry about it.

kommissar_chaR · 2014-05-11T19:01:20+00:00

All you were to her was a free meal. You're better off. Rise above!

MongrelNymph · 2014-05-11T19:28:40+00:00

35 year old here. You should expect to pay 100% of the bill the first two dates or so. Always. With so few exceptions it's not worth getting into.

Some of you are stuck on the notion of asking her to pay because she's not used to that and it's some type of classic pua mind freak. That may work at a bar where you meet a girl and she expects you to buy her a drink. And even that can be a random coin flip.

Women want a man to be a man. Pay for your shit. If you've gone on five dates and she's stopped reaching for her purse when the bill arrives you can communicate with your words that you aren't able to or don't want to pay for every outing. She'll either step it up or leave you for a richer guy. Fair enough.

Did you do wrong? Yea but don't lose sleep on it. Some women will dump you just for breaking some perceived protocol or etiquette they themselves don't even fully understand. Live, learn, move on.

paintwithice · 2014-05-11T14:29:10+00:00

Unless discussed before hand, if you asked her to go out, you should expect to pay, as she should if she asked you. Its good to be ready to pay for half the bill if you were the one asked as well.

It seems you should just take this as a lesson in what you are looking for in a woman.

PorphyriasLover19 · 2014-05-11T17:54:06+00:00

You were definitely not in the wrong. In my first relationship I relied on my then boyfriend financially because I was a student, but since getting my own job I have always been adamant on splitting everything, especially when there is not yet any solid commitment. I find that it can be a little of a guilt trip if a date buys everything but you're not quite feeling it, you'll probably end up doing something you boyfriend wouldn't.

Vehn2 · 2014-05-11T17:56:07+00:00

So if you are on a first date and have just finished dinner, should you pay our not? The RSD people say you should never pay. And if you don't pay and split it instead, what do you say to the girl and stuff?

Colossal_Caribou · 2014-05-11T17:56:27+00:00

Good question! It should start a good conversation here about your role if you ask someone on a date. Remember, guys, don't down vote opinions just because you disagree. Leave a comment or leave them alone.

Personally, I think you were in the right — tinder isn't some sort of high-class high-commitment environment. You're not there to provide a girl with free food, drinks, and a nice night. You're both there together, so you're both going to have to put effort in. Perhaps if you had asked her on a date, more specifically, then the lines would have been blurred. But grabbing drinks together is a pretty everyone-pitches-in sort of thing.

I find it immature of her to expect you to pay for everything in 2014. She'll cost someone a lot of money down the road. Don't be afraid to stick up for yourself and explain your view.

Can anybody think of a really eloquent way to explain that you expect women to pay for at least part of your interactions?

2014-05-11T18:33:25+00:00

[permanently deleted]

kace91 · 2014-05-11T19:28:17+00:00

I'm going to go against the general opinion, and say that it all depends on context and wording, so we cannot know.

I'm a man, and I usually split with people. But at least in my country, a phrase like "do you want to pay the next round" sounds inadequate, both for dating and when going out with friends.

It's hard to explain, but it would be kind of a social faux-pass, as it would seem like a passive acusation to the other person for not paying until that point. Something like "so, do you expect me to keep paying?". Regardless of who pays, the socially adequate thing to do is not to give importance to money.

Among friends, that could be ignored, but being with a person you yet don't know, it would be kind of weird.

Then again, the third date does look (per your explanation) as if she was being in the wrong. But again, if I were to give you advice it woudl be we can't give you counsel on this because we don't know the specifics.

bl1y · 2014-05-11T19:38:21+00:00

I'm removing this post because there's not really a debate to be had.

You're allowed to want whatever you want (someone who splits the bill a reasonable amount of the time), and she's allowed to want whatever she wants (someone who pay her way). Neither of you is in the wrong, you're just incompatible.

iDont_too · 2014-05-11T18:06:47+00:00

She would have probably just used you for money while side fucking some alpha guy who puts her in her place

simplisticallysimple · 2014-05-11T16:32:07+00:00

You gotta pay to play. Don't take her out to places you can't afford. And yes, you asked her out, you pay.

Title	[FR] Was I in the wrong?
Author	MyDogShitsTigers
Upvotes	50
Comments	32
Date	May 11, 2014 1:44 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/25a1p3/fr_was_i_in_the_wrong/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/fr-was-i-in-the-wrong.1370611 https://theredarchive.com/post/1370611

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