Getting blown off after the first or second date.

cugar · 2012-11-21T14:44:14+00:00

are you texting them right after the date? i kind of wonder if you're coming off as needy/desperate in some way. even if a girl texts me right after the date i don't text back til next day or a couple days later, not even mentioning the date, but with something silly or just stating something. wait a week after the first date and ask them out again. if they show interest and you like them: bank on it, if they're not: hang back, if they really had a good time and your hanging back theyll come to you

gabriot · 2012-11-21T17:57:45+00:00

I have pretty similar problems, "Hey, had such a great time with you last weekend. I'm just not feeling any fireworks etc. etc."

I've narrowed it down to not being sexually aggressive enough, I wait too long to make a move because, well that's how I was brought up - very conservative very anti-sex family, so trying to break out of the mold that was set for me has been tough. I'd say try and see if you're not upping the sexual tension enough, when people say they had a great time but didn't feel anything I can't help but think that it's because the sexual tension wasn't properly created.

backtothegame · 2012-11-21T22:23:47+00:00

Spark/magic/fireworks/chemistry are all the same thing meaning attraction. There are three things a woman needs to feel to find you suitable as a mating partner. She can have fun with you, you can protect her from harm and you can satisfy her sexually.

What you are experiencing is reverse rationalization. These women went on the date, had on some level expectations about what the physical result would be (remember you got them out on the date, they were excited to go, etc) . Things did not go that far therefore in their brains they decided if there had been attraction (chemistry etc) things would have gone further and they didn't so there must not have been attraction.

I have definitely been there when I started out. Make sure that you are setting up the dates correctly during approach, keeping a sexual vibe, qualifying them, etc. I hope these first dates are at bars or see my comment on 10 reasons first dates should always be bars. Finally in the date you need to amp up the kino, make sure you hug and or twirl on greeting, get side-by-side or couch seating.

Couple of lines that could help. In setting up the date "I'm like this, you probably are too, you can tell in 5 minutes if there's attraction|chemistry|etc" or use that almost immediately during the date. She either has to help make chemistry or you're bailing in five minutes and also after 5 minutes if you're both still there then there must be chemistry.

I would take the fact that their messaging you as the worst case, meaning there is 0 attraction and they thing of you as a nice guy whose feeling they don't want to hurt. If there had been even a little and they just ignored you altogether I think that would be better meaning there was some attraction and they think of you as a man.

For me after a first date I generally will not contact the woman at all. It's up to them to text or call and they do. We certainly would have had a medium to large makeout. Waiting for them to initiate contact keeps them chasing.

In some cases though rarely I will text something like "In all seriousness, you were just awful, tonight was horrible. Maybe we'll do it again sometime if you show more leg". Show them a really good time and then keep them guessing.

PistonHonda33 · 2012-11-21T18:59:20+00:00

Just a few guesses:

You talk too much
You're too focused on how you are presenting yourself and it's obvious. If a girl sees you as trying too hard to be cool, she'll get turned off
You're too serious. Conversations should be light and funny
You take them to the movies

powersaucebar · 2012-11-21T10:49:00+00:00

I used to get frustrated by this too. Eventually, I had an epiphany that helped me deal with it. I realised that I don't feel a "spark" with every woman I meet, so I shouldn't feel so bad when women don't feel a "spark" with me. Yes, it still sucks when a woman I like isn't into me, but I'm now far less likely to take it personally.

NikKnack · 2012-11-21T18:41:47+00:00

Having exactly the same problem. Seriously, I was about to write the same post in the same way.

I have great dates. Sometimes I even make it to a third date. We have an awesome time, I always K-close, they seem into me... and then I get the exact above message. So frustrating. I need to figure out what I'm doing wrong because this has happened so frequently that I'm basically wasting my time even bothering going on dates at all until I figure out what the issue is.

icewildabeast · 2012-11-22T03:25:46+00:00

I must be ADD, I totally read the title as "Getting blown after the first or second date" I clicked faster than than I should have, and was like... wait... where does the blowing come in? I have RAADD (Reddit Acquired Attention Deficit Disorder)

ace_bandit · 2012-11-21T18:15:27+00:00

Are you physically escalating during your date? I've seen my friends loose girls that way because they are talking and having a great time with a girl but there's no sexual tension, excitement, or danger in the interaction because they don't ever touch her.

Freevoulous · 2012-11-21T19:25:06+00:00

KINO. DOMINANCE. DIRECT SEXUAL VIBE.

http://9gag.com/gag/5890330

chemfreak87 · 2012-11-21T21:57:16+00:00

It's totally possible it's the girls, and not you. They may be looking for something that isn't you, and that has nothing to do with who you are or what you did on the dates.

In my experience, and experiences from my female friends, the spark can take a while to come around. If you are dating women you've met 1) at the bar the weekend before, 2) online, 3) blindly set-up by friends, the spark may not be there immediately, since you are strangers. Occationally, the spark is there right off the bat, but it doesn't have to be for a relationship to work. But in the latter, both parties have to put some effort in to see it out (which you appear to be doing).

It's kind of unreasonable for a girl to be expecting this great spark connection after 2 hours. And maybe it's better you aren't going out with her anymore if that is part of her exceptions in dating.

Title	Getting blown off after the first or second date.
Author	swaggybear
Upvotes	25
Comments	33
Date	November 21, 2012 10:09 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/13k6k1/getting_blown_off_after_the_first_or_second_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/getting-blown-off-after-the-first-or-second-date.1343101 https://theredarchive.com/post/1343101

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