Got ghosted online dating constantly?

letsgetrandy · 2020-03-23T17:05:00+00:00

In general, women are not looking to invest a ton of time into a pen pal on a dating app who they've never met before, because when you meet the investment may (often!) turn out to be wasted.

I think you're making a mistake by investing effort into online dating during social distancing -- or in many cases, a lockdown. There is no knowing when this Coronavirus fear will start to subside, so a conversation that starts now and could potentially go on for weeks or months before you meet? Maybe she's "social distancing" her responses.

WIA20XX · 2020-03-23T17:36:33+00:00

It's normal and part of online dating.

Most guys don't get a lot of matches.

Most of The matches just want to text.

The ones that agree to meet up, flake often.

And if you actually get her out, the date is usually awkward.

Nature of the beast

PM_ME_HEALTH_TIPS · 2020-03-23T16:24:05+00:00

It's quite possible you didn't really do anything wrong. I think the mistake that a lot of us guys make is we keep thinking this is a logical game. It's not. It's not a color by number approach where if you just do this, this, and this, she will agree to dates/meeting/sex.

I can't remember who had this quote but I do think it's powerful. It's "women have the right to change their mind at any point in time". Really you don't even need the woman part, the truth is humans have the right to change their mind at any point in time. It can be for any reason. I think why we as guys get frustrated with ghosting is because we are thinking about all this linearly. We think "hey I am in an active conversation and it seems to be going well, so I am in line before any other guy. And if she doesn't want me she should finish things with me first before she goes onto someone else." The truth is, there is no line. It's a chaotic system happening with a lot of moving parts.

More than likely you are getting ghosted because the girl has a lot of options and one has come around that she likes and you don't make the cut. As far as she is concerned there is no real reason to tell you this because you are supposed to be aware of it already. That being said, the best advice I can give is two fold. One, don't sweat getting ghosted because it's her way of giving you an answer. Believe it or not she's making life easy for you by doing it. Second, strike while the iron is hot. This is why you shouldn't dance too long once you have gotten a conversation going with a girl. If you wait too long there is a good chance you are going to get passed over to a guy who didn't dance and made moves efficiently.

reditmethis101 · 2020-03-23T18:52:25+00:00

I do dating apps and let me tell you...women are hounded. I try not to ghost but it still happens. You’re not going to connect with every girl you contact and vice versa. It’s just the nature of the beast that women will have a lot more people contacting her than the other way around in general. So do a little chat, see if there’s a spark and move on when there isn’t. Some people suck at giving bad news so they just ignore the situation. It’s selfish and rude but it’s also human nature and you shouldn’t take it personally. I only get pissed it we meet and then I get ghosted. (Has happened unfortunately).

For the record, I get ghosted online too and it sucks, so I get it why you’re upset. But when it’s obvious they’ve moved on, I just follow up with a nice message and say it was fun chatting and I hope they find what they’re looking for. That way I can feel good about putting positive vibes out there. Not either of our faults that I’m not what they’re looking for.

Don’t be discouraged. It’s hard doing the online thing at times, but when you meet the right person, it’ll all fall in place. Good luck!

potato_chip123 · 2020-03-23T19:16:38+00:00

matched with a girl who lives less than a mile away. I got her SC then her number. We talked and I told her to come over but she was I'll so I didn't mind her saying no. But we facetimed yesterday for a hour and we talked about ourselves and generally had a good time and agreed to FaceTime more.

So I guess my advice is to ask her if she wants to talk on the phone. Even SC has video and phone calling feature if she doesn’t want to give out her number.

iloveblackmetal · 2020-03-23T18:18:52+00:00

i honestly feel like theres way too many people on there just for an ego boost

least thats what i tell myself

StrawGlasses · 2020-03-23T19:26:21+00:00

I don’t think you did anything wrong. On the subreddit r/dataisbeautiful there was a couple posts from people who tracked their data on tinder.

Long story short it showed massive amounts right swipes/matches/etc. and like 2 or 3 actual meet ups which in turn never made it to anything more than casual dating or one night stands.

I was curious about this same thing a long time ago but seeing that just reassured that it wasn’t just me and online dating is one hell of a drug.

Kevinclimbstrees · 2020-03-23T21:53:26+00:00

You probably didn’t do anything.

What I’ve noticed from OLD is girls are hyper aware of red flags, for the most part. They have so many options that if you say any little comment that they don’t like they’ll just dismiss you and move onto the next. Hell im the same way.

It’s also a number game. I currently am texting 15 girls from bumble at the same time, crazy I know. Odds are I’ll end up meeting maybe 2-3 of them. I know women get 10x more matches than me, think of how many guys they could possibly be talking to.

Spammalanche · 2020-03-23T18:33:22+00:00

The entire point of online dating is to move the date to in-person. Honest to god if you don’t have a plan to meet up within the first two dozen text messages it’s probably not happening.

Online dating is also hard because you have to compete with everyone. In-person it’s typically you and the girl and a handful of other people with unknown relationship statuses.

Online everyone is (typically) single, so you have way more competition. What about your profile and your text messaging makes you a better catch than a 6’4” professional engineer/doctor/lawyer who has traveled the globe, has a cool blog/YT/insta, can bench press a truck and run a 7 minute mile, can cook, volunteers regularly in the community, has a couple of hobbies, and on top of it all has a handsome smile/chiseled jawline/great hair/excellent sense of style? Because those dudes exist within 100 miles of you which means if you can’t compete with them you’re gonna get ghosted.

Honestly with this social distancing stuff I think now is probably the worst time to try online dating because you can’t really meet in person.

noobmaster1991 · 2020-03-23T21:43:22+00:00

It's a numbers game men. I had shit ton of women ghost me. 1. Either because I was too forward. 2. Came as too needy 3. Didn't escalate into being sexual 4. Or she probably has better options 5. She wasn't looking for dates but validation 6. She wants to be wanted without intimacy or being physical

Women are fickle men, and it's even worse when it comes to dating apps because they always chase the 5% percent.

When it comes to dating apps you have to look at yourself as an entrepreneur and try to sell the product (you) It takes the humanity away and personality And you're only selling an illusion.

Just keep hammering.

Aeon199 · 2020-03-24T15:10:50+00:00

[permanently deleted]

bosslessmindset · 2020-03-23T18:43:30+00:00

You did nothing. It is a supply and demand issue. There are a few available and attractive women that seem date-able with hundreds of guys messaging them.

While all these women have to judge a guy on, because they will barely read profiles is your looks. So, if you don't have the exact look they want, you won't get a response. If you do get a response you and the dozens of other guys get messages until she chooses who to discard.

That is the state of current online dating. So just move on if you get ghosted like the rest of the tens of thousands of guys on there.

Now, it is reverse once you are over 50, still a supply and demand issue but the other way around.

JD_Revan451 · 2020-03-24T04:17:08+00:00

After a slew of ghosts, great dates then ghosts, then finally a horrible experience, the only thing online dating gave me was an increase in suicidal thoughts. Deleting it has made a huge difference

DrakesBrokeCousin · 2020-03-24T08:53:15+00:00

The best advice I can give you is to not take it so seriously or freak out if you don’t get a response within a day.

Mind_ripper · 2020-03-23T22:30:31+00:00

Dont get sucked in, Give up online dating. Do real life club game or day game approaches.

Online dating is mostly full of over 35yr old "women" who want to be "treated like a princess" after they've had 3 bastard children to 3 different men or over 40yr olds "Ready to settle-down and find a life partner" . Cause thats the only platform these women will receive the attention they rejected in their 20's. But NOW they wanna find the "Nice Guy" after all the "Bay Boys". SHUT it DOWN Lads.

Be Genuine Be Honest Be Vulnerable approach her in real life.

Lets be really honest the guys on these apps n sites a freaking psycos further re-enforcing her negative hangups type towards men. Ask her how many unsolicited d!ck pics she's received after 1 or 2 back and forth. Or how these guys instantly think the relationship is on after she says "hi" back.

Do you really wanna be in the same pool as these guys, the up hill battle... just for a lil neck. Please...

JDeezyNYC · 2020-03-24T00:05:19+00:00

Women are trained since the age of puberty to sense when you are being insecure or too clingy. They don't even have to meet you. You might simply be doing too much, being too nice, responding too quickly or given up too much information and leaving no "mystery" about yourself.

Try this going forward: Get her number as quickly as possible. It brings her a bit closer to you and separates you from all the other guys on the app. If she says no, she would like to communicate via the app still then offer to meet her within a day or 2...if she declined, then drop kick her. She will waste your time. Now, for the ones whose phone numbers you DO get, try to have a quick 5 min conversation so that she feels more comfortable with you, but after that ONLY text message her if it is to set up a date or to add some kind of significant value to her life....NO GOOD MORNING texts, NO "how's your day going " texts. Be very specific with offering a date and time for when you do meet her. If she turns down your Friday, don't say, "ok then how about Saturday..." You will look like you have nothing going on with your life. Tell her it will have to be the following weekend if you need to. Be mindful of how often you respond to her immediately...they pick up on that. Do not EVER respond to her after 8pm....You're busy.

Title	Got ghosted online dating constantly?
Author	studying-hard
Upvotes	61
Comments	45
Date	March 23, 2020 4:12 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/fnmki1/got_ghosted_online_dating_constantly/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/got-ghosted-online-dating-constantly.1492865 https://theredarchive.com/post/1492865

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