Most guys say they hate approaching women - they say it feels awkward, forced and pointless.

But you don’t actually hate approaching women. If you really hated it, you wouldn’t still be reading posts about it. You wouldn’t feel that frustration in your chest when you see a girl you want to talk to and don’t.

What you actually hate is how it feels right now -so in this post I want to explain four reasons why approaching women feels so painful at the moment, and how to fix each of them.

Reason #1: Your Initial Goals Are Way Too High

Most guys go out for the first time with expectations like: I’m going to talk to a few girls, get a number, maybe get a date.

Then the reality hits. You go out, get a few rejections, conversations last ten seconds, some girls don’t stop, others react differently than you imagined - and you go home thinking, Wow, I suck, this doesn’t work, this isn’t for me.

That’s exactly when approaching starts to feel painful. The problem isn’t you but the goal you set.

What if I told you you’re not supposed to get numbers in the first few weeks? What if I told you that a ten-second interaction is actually a win in the beginning? If you go out, stop one girl, say one sentence, and she pauses for a few seconds before leaving - that’s massive progress.

You’re already doing something most guys will never do but because you expected a number or a date, you label it as failure. And once you label early progress as failure, you quit.

Approaching doesn’t feel painful because it’s bad but because your expectations are unrealistic. You’re demanding short-term results from a long-term skill.

The irony is that while you overestimate what you can achieve in a week or two, you massively underestimate what you could achieve in a year. If you practice consistently for a year, not only will you get numbers, you’ll get real dates and real confidence - but you’ll never get there if you demand outcomes before the skill is built.

Reason #2: You Have No Strategy

Imagine going to the gym with no plan - no program, no structure, just copying random exercises you see other people doing. You do that for a month or two, nothing changes, and eventually you start hating the gym.

Then you conclude that the gym doesn’t work. But the gym works perfectly - you just weren’t making it work.

That’s exactly what most guys do with women. They go outside, walk around, maybe go to a bar, see a girl, tell her she’s beautiful, and then hope something happens. Of course nothing happens. There’s no strategy and no structure.

You’re nervous, so you default to compliments or boring questions. She loses interest, leaves politely, or rejects you - and you repeat the same thing again and again until you start thinking something must be wrong with you. Maybe your looks, maybe your personality, something you can’t fix.

You have to approach this the same way you approach a gym - find a good workout routine and go apply it consistently. Then evaluate results and iterate.

Reason #3: You Haven’t Learned How to Handle Discomfort

Anything worthwhile in life starts with discomfort. So when your heart rate goes up before approaching, when you feel resistance or tension in your body, that’s not a sign something is wrong but that you’re doing the right thing.

Most guys misinterpret that feeling and label it as hate, fear, or “this isn’t for me”. But what you’re calling hate is just discomfort, your comfort zone trying to protect itself.

Instead of fighting it, you need to reframe it. When you feel resistance, tell yourself: Good, this means I’m pushing myself.

You don’t get rid of fear first and then take action - you act while fear is still there.

Reason #4: You Don’t See the Bigger Picture

When I tell some guys to approach strangers and ask for directions, they say, What’s the point? That won't get me laid.

For decades, many men have been masking social anxiety and insecurity. The moment you start interacting with strangers, all of that gets exposed - you start confronting fear, insecurity, and avoidance. And slowly those layers dissolve.

Yes, part of this journey is dating, numbers, and relationships but there is a bigger aspect to this underneath. As you learn to communicate with women, you learn to communicate with yourself. You’re forced to face limiting beliefs you’ve carried for years.

So don’t see this as shallow or about “picking up women.” It’s about becoming the kind of man who can face discomfort, handle fear, and deal with life.

Once you see that bigger picture, pushing through the hard moments becomes much easier because you know you’re not doing this just for dates or sex but to also become a better person.