Help me change my thought process

HistorianOk2573 · 2025-06-04T12:15:43+00:00

Romantic attraction thrives on mystery, uncertanty, unpredictability, challange, and tension. Women are attracted to men who they can't fully decipher, men who are mysterious meaning they can't read if the guy is sold on them or not, whose feelings about her are a bit unclear.

When she feels you like her, but can't be 100% be sure of it beacuse you either don't confirm it verbally, or give her reasons to doubt or second guess it, or when you insinuate with body language you may desire her, but it's ambiguous enough to not be fully clear if you want her, that's what draws her in to you.

Your problem however seems to be that you are safe, meaning it's very likely that you don't stir any of those intense emotions in them and are creating comfort, but while comfort on it's own can lead to freindships, it isn't gonna be enough to lead towards romance.

Being safe means you do some of these things reassuring her of how serious you are about commiting to her, convicing her that you really like her, killing the uncertanity for her, looking for her attention often, giving them so much validation with compliments, trying to prove your worth to her so that she chooses you, trying to give her reasons to choose you, trying to help her, give her favours, offering her advice, trying to be super suportive, trying to fit into her standards and her world, seeking clarity from her about where you stand with her, while making absolutely sure to let her know that you like her and thus making sure she has no need to wander where you stand with her or doubt about how sold you are on her no matter what.

While nobel this type of attitudes don't make women feel any attraction towards the guy who does them. It's not that they don't recognize their worth, it's that while valuable attraction is missing so while from a cerabral aspect they want to be attracted to the guy who does that, on an emotional aspect they are not feeling attracted to the guy.

The guys who "do nothing", indeed do none of those things, because either by insctict or expereince, they know that it's not about doing things like a checklist of things to do to earn the seal of approval.

They know it's about stirring their emotions, triggering their curiosity by being unpredictable and ambiguous, challenging them to earn their approval, provoking and teasing them to create tension, being humurous to get them to laugh, to relax and lower their guards, relating to her on a personal level to build trust and connect, qualigying them to make them feel like their interest is earned, and stimulating her imagination to build anticipation and flirting sexually to make them feel desired and create sexual tension to create the conditions for a kiss and sex to happen.

You are like the brocolly guy, safe, healthy and good for them, but bland, dull, unmemorable, and not very exciting to consume, while those other guys who get laid are like the ice cream and candy that she probably shouldn't eat, because it's unhealthy, not very good for them, but exciting, tasty, fun and addictive as fuck to keep consuming.

Captain_w00t · 2025-06-04T12:33:15+00:00

There’s a sure thing you aren’t doing: they’re taking risks by making their intentions clear.

Maybe they also created some tension, and played in ways you haven’t seen (like DMs/text on social media apps…).

You can be nice, but being just nice doesn’t work:

too much comfort, platonic and friendly vibes kill attraction. You can be nice and make them feel comfortable, but you also need to calibrate with other elements that can shake their emotions.
not making a move or not letting them know your clear intentions while hoping that your kindness will secretly work for you is a delusion

There’s a relation between comfort, emotions, attraction and tension. You need to push all those buttons, not just a few of them.

Your friends went straight to the point, maybe an eye gaze, or a voice tone sub-communicated more than what you think, while you were just orbiting innocuously.

Western-Month-3877 · 2025-06-04T12:15:24+00:00

If you’re friendly to them then they will consider you as a friend. The difference between you and your friends is they’re clear with their intention.

People with “nice guys” attitude usually have a mindset thinking that their niceness is a tool to lure women in. Of course I’m not saying you can’t be nice or you need to be rude to them, but in your case where the girl vented out to you every single time, you put yourself in the friendzone, not her.

You could’ve told her politely you don’t have time or you’re not the right person to listen to her problems. Or when girls call or text you, especially if you know they’re gonna vent out, you don’t have to answer. They just look for someone to listen, they don’t care if it’s you or anyone else.

ogeytheterrible · 2025-06-04T11:42:16+00:00

You're rejecting yourself before they reject you. It's self-defeatist and I struggle the same way - why try when you'll almost certainly fail? That's the problem with confidence, you do it before you feel it's effects.

Biichimspiderman · 2025-06-04T12:13:47+00:00

So you’re upset these guys don’t see woman anything more than a sex partner yet, you sound so concerned on sex albeit cus you’re not getting any and you think you should. I’ll bet you got this certain vibe to you too when your around girls and it smells funny.
You care way too much and they can see that. These other guys, got other stuff going on that won’t allow them to put a pussy on a pedestal. Girls want a piece of that mysterious life and your’s is on full display. Changing thought process will be tough but just remind your mind to think about what brings you joy and act on that. Make progress towards yours goals. Won’t be easy and will have re-mind often and results are worth it.

Substantial-Bad-4508 · 2025-06-04T17:37:10+00:00

You don't attract women by trying to solve their problems. You attract them by creating sexual tension.

Here is a real life example. At work a girl accidently brushed her ass by my hand as she walked passed me and it caused a rush of feel good sensation to travel through her body as she uttered sounds of pleasure.

So, don't have this mentality that since you have been nice to someone, that they would owe you something in return. This is manipulation. You want to arouse your interest but in an attractive manner.

FriendlyWrenChilling · 2025-06-04T12:13:24+00:00

Seems like you have a nice guy problem. See my post on "Why Women Hate Nice Guys."

That's just a really basic post, after that learn some psychology and read my artciles on "how attraction works" and "masculinity and femininity." You could also read "how to be more optimistic"

After that I would do your first 30 approaches. Don't need to think so much on how to do them, just wing it, do them and then only learn some theory when it comes to it.

Either_Sundae6099 · 2025-06-04T12:14:18+00:00

Read No More Mr Nice Guy and do the exercises

Broad-Cranberry-9050 · 2025-06-04T16:34:58+00:00

know that some of you might assume that i am a nice guy just by what i stated , i think that it's true to some point but everyone is a nice guy to some extent, they are just better at hiding it , because every guy that i know who is getting laid constantly doesn't see women more than a sex partner , am i missing something here ??

Your right, everybody is nice to some extent. Where you are wrong is your friends arent hiding it. I was similar to you, I was the nice guy everybody could confide in. I got friendzoned a bit. You are trying to act boyfriend material without being a boyfriend. You may be a nice guy to introduce to the parents but girls dont want the guy their dad will approve on, that is more icing on the cake. Girls want the guy who is going to show them a good time. Who when they want a fun time or want a memorable night out with friends they think "we have to invite this guy because he is so funny".

It's not about hiding your niceness, it's about not putting women on a pedestal off the bat. You wnat them to like you so much that you are being too friendly. Take me for example, I was similar. I am someone who can take a joke and dish it to others. But I never did that with girls I met because I wanted them to like me and didnt want to hurt their feelings. So most of my conversations were friendly. Theyd enjoy talking to me but it was mostly a guy to confide in. At one point I decided to not give a fuck as much, and started making charismatic jokes towards them. To my surprise most took it very well and we had a fun back and forth going on. A few times Id walk away and later in that night theyd come looking for me because they had a really fun time talking to me. That;'s your problem, girls arent having fun talking to you they are venting and nobody goes out to bars to vent. It takes practice but you have to be more risky.

I like to use this example alot, let's say your facorite movie is Fast 5 and hers is Fast 6. There are two types of responses.

Nice guy response: "I can see why you like it. It is a good movie but I just think 5 is better".

Risky response: "What?!?! There si no way 6 is better than 5. 5 has the funny latino dudes and it's the first time they all get together. 6 is a cheap copy of 5. Why in the world would you think that?"

The first response, she wont hate you but she you wont make a memorable impact in her night. The conversation might end there and now you are scrambling for a new convo. The second response, she might ahte you or she might be really cool and want to prove why she is right and you are wrong. Now you got a flirty back and forth going. If she hates that comment, then you just saved yourself an hour of trying to get this girl to like you and can move on to the next. In most cases girls take these types of comments very well. Ive barely ever urn into a girl who doesnt take those comments well. ALot of girls just want to bet reated like bros and they can take a joke better than most guys.

When girls go out, they want a memorable night. They wont remember the guy who really friendly. They will remember the guy who was partying like crazy, dancing with everybody, making the funny jokes, etc. That's why your friends score and you dont. Get the nice guy mentality out of your head. I get it's hard (it was very hard for me). When I got a GF, I really didnt Give a fuck if I offended someone. I wasnt an AH but I wsa more comfortable being my witty self and I've gotten alot more girls attention since then. They say girls go after guys who have GFs, I dont belive it's because the guys now have GFs I think the mental block is just gone because now the guy has no interest in sleeping with her so he just lets loose.

Ill give you a real world example to end this long comment. A few months back I was at a super bowl party. These group of 25 year olds were all talking about the kendrick-drake beef. They sit next to me and are chatting. Out of nowhere I go to the quiet girl and say, "so I heard you were the drake fan of the bunch". All the girls start laughing like crazy. She starts to try to defend herself and I just go "man you took that personally. Sounds like a drake fan". Then she asks me what I was and I say "i like kendrick but tbh I dont really care to entertain this. They dont pay my bills". At the end of the night im saying my goodbyes and one girl comes up to me and says "hey it was nice meeting you. You can call me KF from now on." (Kendrick-Fan). I woudd've never had the balls 5 years ago to talk to girls that hot, or even make that comment. i woudlv'e been my nice self and would've gone nowhere with them. Now im the guy that made them have a nice laugh and next time they see me they might come up to me.

You just need a IDGAF if I ever see you attitude towards things.

ClitPlayaBootySlappa · 2025-06-04T15:49:02+00:00

If you were hungry, and you found a restaurant where you can order a meal.

Are you gonna enter the restaurant, go up to the cashier and ask them how their day is going, give them a bunch of compliments, tell them a bunch of jokes, listen to all their problems and then leave the restaurant and complain online, why the restaurant didn't give you any food yet everyone else gets food?
Or are you just gonna go up to the cashier and tell them what food you want to order? And if they don't have what you want, you leave and find another restaurant that does have it.

1 are the "nice guys"

2 are the ones getting laid.

So quit being a pussy and let women know, in the very first interaction, you're interested in having sex with them.

Title	Help me change my thought process
Author	Kindly-Tough-2091
Upvotes	10
Comments	24
Date	June 4, 2025 11:34 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1l338h8/help_me_change_my_thought_process/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/help-me-change-my-thought-process.1553886 https://theredarchive.com/post/1553886

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