Her: You aren't the only guy that I've gone on dates with or possibly will be going on dates with.

welpcomma · 2014-12-20T21:58:32+00:00

There's a few problems here, and the short answer is: "NEXT!"

Let's go a bit deeper though. I have limited information from your post but already I see trends emerging. She feels comfortable posting pics of random dudes in her bed online. That shows a distinct lack of concern for propriety, good-faith relationships, self-value, and the mental health of anyone in her life who gives a fuck. These kinds of posts are not random aberrations but telling of what she thinks about you.

I feel it was a mistake to ask her about this at all. If you just want to bang her, and next week you'll be on to the next thing, why do you care? Your next sentence reveals that this isn't the case and you are developing feelings for her. You need to acknowledge that my dude, and treat the situation accordingly.

So she reaches out after you put your foot down. She may very well like you but this doesn't mean shit about her commitment, her fitness as a long-term mate, or anything really. She probably just likes the attention, can't get enough of it. As soon as you become boring to her, it's dumpster city bro.

And if you think that it works both ways, that you get to date whoever you want too (openly, I mean), and talk about it with her while you're lying in the afterglow, buddy... you got another thing coming. If you don't believe me, I actually recommend that you try this just for the experience and see how it goes. If I'm wrong, I'll eat my shoes. Just be sure to guard your feelings prior to going into it, don't give her more than she deserves, and don't get angry with her when she sets an absurd double-standard - because I told you it was coming.

At the end of the day, this is really a question you have to ask yourself. If I may take some liberties, I think deep down you already know all this and you're looking for validation of an impossible thesis. You're not going to find it here, or anywhere. Can you live with this girl in your life? Are you going to think about that dude in her bed while she's blowing you and go soft? It's really about your frame of mind. Just be honest with yourself.

ThatSpecialPlace · 2014-12-20T20:42:03+00:00

/r/askSeddit buuuutttttttttttttttttt....

Would I personally? Sure because I'm not looking for an exclusive relationship, and that sounds like an easy FWB.

Absolutely not if you're trying to find something serious.

toerrisbadsyntax · 2014-12-21T16:06:23+00:00

$50 bucks says this girl has daddy issues, and isn't the caliber of woman you want to stick around in 2 years. Guaranteed.

she might be hot, but not keeper material, she knows this because she "understood where you're coming from"

Because she's aware that you're uncomfortable, but doesn't do anything about it, she's sidestepping her personal responsibilities to you and a potential relationship between you two. And you're probably not the only one she does this to in her life. (again, this cycles back to.... daddy issues imhe)

girls like this - again, imhe, you're in a stalemate where you're forced to flake on them - because they almost expect you to by pulling plays such as this and backing you up against the wall so to speak. which automatically lump you in their "loser category" with all the other guys. Telling her you're not cool with it, and calling her on her bullshit will.. more than likely, make her freak the fuck out.

Undoubtedly, you're a man of moral and principal. She's got none of these qualities, it's best not to even waste your time....

since:

a. there's no talking sense into her

b. she'll only "listen" to reason but refuses to take action about it

c. having an open relationship isn't your goal, that defeats the purpose of pursuing her anymore, at all

there's 3... DAMN GOOD reasons

aaaand we're done here..

digg_is_awesome · 2014-12-20T21:31:23+00:00

c00kiecutter · 2014-12-20T21:59:50+00:00

I felt it was my duty to ask her

Why?

Would you keep her around or next her, lets hear it.

Keep her around? From what I read it's not going well.

Garathon · 2014-12-20T22:24:39+00:00

A month and obviously you haven't gone exclusive in that short time frame which makes it silly to expect anything. Next her as you've already got oneitis.

650fosho · 2014-12-21T00:38:34+00:00

ditch her

seriously, she's treating you as the second option, you want to be the only one she thinks about.

nojloi · 2014-12-21T03:41:56+00:00

Next her bro.

rmbarnes · 2014-12-21T16:39:57+00:00

Either move on to the next girl or just make her your fuck buddy. Forget any notion of having a serious relationship with this girl.

joshsway · 2014-12-21T17:27:02+00:00

If you aren't exclusively dating her, you've got to play this kind of stuff cool even though it hurts inside. If you are exclusively dating her then you can bring it up. Otherwise, play it cool. If you don't you come off as insecure. It also sounds like you haven't really done much physically with this girl. If you haven't at least had sex with her (or whatever is 'equivalent' if you are very young), then you really are in no place to say anything as the power is all with her not you.

SiXXEros · 2014-12-21T23:51:19+00:00

Personally, I'd just keep her number and relegate her to booty call status. To answer your question my response to that statement is "Me too, babe" and nothing else.

brucebwang · 2014-12-21T03:54:01+00:00

If you want a relationship or a healthy fwb thing just walk away. Girl is too promiscuous for a relationship and similarly isn't exactly the safest person to be sleeping with due to the same reason

StarwaysCongress · 2014-12-21T08:03:08+00:00

The top comment here makes me cringe.

Dude, do you know how many guys hot girls date? Do you know how many girls alpha guys date?

Dating multiple people is just what most socially-savvy, attractive people do. You date around until you find someone you want to commit to, and have lots of hot sex in the mean time. You can learn about this in lots of the main reads that create the foundation of this community.

You never ask about other guys. Never. Would a guy who's killing it in life and having loads of success with women give a shit about other guys? Hell no. He's got better things to do. He waits until he finds a girl he really, really likes, and who has already probably been putting a lot of pressure on him for a relationship. Even then, he'll only commit when he wants to.

Similarly, a gorgeous woman is going to have fun while she's young and only commit if she sees you as having tremendously more value than the other guys she's seeing.

Sexual variety is perfectly fine and normal. Just wrap up.

admirals_go_nuts · 2014-12-20T21:09:03+00:00

No shit sherlock, here I was hoping you were born yesterday

smegma_enthusiast · 2014-12-20T20:47:13+00:00

"Sweet, how are your other dates going?"

That may be specific to me, but I would Rather have great rapport with a girl who is dating other guys. Nothing solidifies your relationship with her better than being someone she can confide in about other dates.

If you don't want a girl like this, walk away

nofapfuzzy · 2014-12-21T11:46:53+00:00

You sound a little insecure, you remind me of myself back in the day..

First of all:

You think it is not cool for her to play and explore - possibly better men than you?

Solution: YOU GET BETTER ! Deserve to be the only guy on her mind (or whatever) ! Telling her you think the world is unfair seems retarded to me. Fix your insecurities.

Second: Are you feeling the need to show her you are a player? or do you want to build an open relationship with her?

If you wanna show her your macho player man side, forget it. NO WIN.

If you want to build an open relationship YES! tell her you are seeing other girls, but not right of the bat . Preferably after you had sex.

nominally · 2014-12-20T21:13:54+00:00

"I promise you one thing, none of those other guys will <insert oddly specific description of yourself>"

Do what's right for your esteem.

Title	Her: You aren't the only guy that I've gone on dates with or possibly will be going on dates with.
Author	franksnotra
Upvotes	42
Comments	30
Date	December 20, 2014 8:28 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2pwv5d/her_you_arent_the_only_guy_that_ive_gone_on_dates/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/her-you-arent-the-only-guy-that-ive-gone-on-dates.1381200 https://theredarchive.com/post/1381200

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