How do I stop being scared of flirting

SilverFoxBurner · 2026-05-29T17:29:10+00:00

Cold pick ups are the hardest. I’m sure there are some real players in here but my take is this. Practice and learn! If it makes you feel more comfortable then drive to a town or area where you don’t know anyone and no one you know could see you fail. Because you are going to fail a lot. Take note of what worked and take note of when the conversation went sideways. And change your approach until you are confident in yourself.

Once you learn how not to care about their reaction the fear will go away and it will be more natural for you.

Oh and boy are supposed to ask girls out.

plz_callme_swarley · 2026-05-29T19:31:12+00:00

most guys just need to stop worrying about being creepy at all. if you're worried about being creepy, you're not the person who would ever come across as creepy.

guys got #MeToo'd so hard that they are too afraid to say anything and the pendulum has swung the other way that girls are DESPERATE for dudes to make a move.

what guys dont get is that girls are actually very generous with guys saying cringe/weird/creepy things. if you're ugly then no one is talking about you at all, and if you're hot then it doesn't matter what girls say cuz them talking shit doesn't work.

if a woman calls a hot guy creepy/weird/cringe, it backfires cuz all the other girls just see her as complaining cuz she didn't get picked.

the only thing that actually will sink you is if you're pushy, aggressive, and repeatedly do not respect her boundaries. girls are really just sharing with others if you're someone who is unsafe or is a liar/cheater

throwawayk5zq47j6wd3 · 2026-05-29T17:26:38+00:00

It’s normal, but you must need self love to attract through flirtation. If you love yourself and know how much you mean to the universe, you won’t get scared because it doesn’t matter if you get her or not. You’re happy anyway.

If you’re content just living by yourself, you’ll exude that energy and come off as non needy which is very attractive since most men come off as desperate with a scarcity mindset.

You’ll get better with irl reps, not studying theory. Good luck!

Western-Month-3877 · 2026-05-29T17:33:25+00:00

It’s scary because flirting has such a thin margin of error.

So is shooting a basket ball for first couple times. Or swimming. Or driving a car. Or any other things in life when you just first start doing it. The chance you fail will be huge.

But it doesn’t stop people from doing it. When you fail then you try again. I said when not if, because 99% or 100% you would fail.

Until you get “the feeling”.

I put that word in quote because there’s actually lots of variables involved in there. For example when you shoot a basket ball. You’ll learn whether you used too much of your power or too little. Or you aimed too high or too low. It can’t be right at least for first several times. Not to mention how much air in the ball. Or the wind. Or the height of the rim. But people just sum them all up in “the feeling.”

Same with flirting. You gotta be able to read the room. See her response when you talk to her normally (no flirting involved). Is she smiling? Is she excited? Or did she just give you a oneliner? Did she look at your eyes when she replied to you? Does she seem busy or in a hurry? What about her tone? Is she being receptive? Defensive?

Again, get “the feeling” when you first do it so eventually you’d be able to get good at flirting. Don’t worry about failing when you start doing it. Because yes, you will fail.

BustingFeelsGreat · 2026-05-29T18:18:13+00:00

Just remember 2 things. You have nothing to lose, and you’re awesome.

ImpossibleWaiting · 2026-05-29T20:38:18+00:00

Accept that you might get rejected and that it's okay

FunkmasterJoe · 2026-05-30T04:40:00+00:00

I was straight up terrified of attractive women until I was almost 30, lol. The idea of flirting with someone freaked me out tremendously and I had to absolutely force myself to do it. Rejection HURTS. It sucks a lot and makes you feel very bad about yourself. And then, the next time, it sucks and hurts, but maybe a tiny bit less.

I realized at one point that it really isn't... well it's PERSONAL, but being rejected isnt actually a negative thing. If someone isnt attracted to you, they're saving you time and effort by not pretending to be interested. After that I got to a point, I swear to god, lol, where the sting of direct rejection hit me for literally like ten or fifteen seconds then was just gone. Being rejected is a WEIRD skill to develop but it IS a skill and it DOES get easier!

norwegiandoggo · 2026-05-29T18:04:36+00:00

This is why you practice with total strangers or in a scenario with people you will not interact with much.

Like, I first practiced flirting mostly from parties at total strangers house where I knew I would probably never see most of these people ever again.

Then later I did an exchange program, and again - I knew I would probably never see these people again so I could flirt and FUCK IT UP without major consequence to my life.

Later, I went and studied abroad again, and again - I could bomb as much as I wanted to with zero consequence to my life.

Then dating apps came, and again, I could practice flirting with ZERO consequence to my life if I did it wrong.

So... find those situations. And also BE OKAY WITH BEING CREEPY. You can NEVER get good at flirting until you have overstepped the boundary into creepy territory. You have to do that to know where that line is.

TBearYCF · 2026-05-29T17:31:00+00:00

How do you get to Carnegie Hall?

tytymctylerson · 2026-05-29T17:43:26+00:00

I'm in my 40s and happily married and I still get scared/in my head when it comes to flirting. Basically I have nothing to lose and I still overthink it lol

I guess it's more about feelings than thoughts. I have some friends I'm flirty with, but it usually is something that happens over the course of a conversation.

alejoflo11 · 2026-05-29T19:49:07+00:00

No tienes autoestima, no te sientes bien contigo mismo. Tienes mucho que trabajar

shinbreaker · 2026-05-29T20:26:57+00:00

So it comes down to just feeling the other person out. For example, I'm dating this one chick who was very vague with her flirting by giving a sort of "and we'll see how the date goes..." and winky faces so I replicated it but also made it funny. For example I said we should do some bar trivia for the first date and that if we answer a question correctly, "we can high five or chest bump or make out, you know like teammates do in football games." Again it's dumb and it's not supposed to be taken seriously but you're making an effort to be a little fun.

Now when we met, I kept things very respectful but she was getting a little closer to me at the bar, I did light physical touches to her when I was telling stories and when I put my hand on her leg for just a second to emphasize something, when I pulled away she put it right back on her leg. And then when we did get an answer right, I mentioned the kiss and she was very quick to give me one. THere was just a constant sexual tension and so on, but the next time we messaged, I gave her what was a bit flrity implying that if she's tired now, I was going to really tire her out at the next date and she just called me out and saying she felt like I was pressuring her to put out. So i pulled back a lot and we're going out on another date and I'm still being funny and myself, but the obvious moments where I would throw in something flirty, I just held off and will let her want it before I start up again.

JackSquirts · 2026-06-01T14:45:35+00:00

Get good at just talking to people and engaging them in general. Then upgrade to flirting with ALL women. Combine those two as part of your existence and it'll be just what you do.

Title	How do I stop being scared of flirting
Author	tin8374
Upvotes	18
Comments	17
Date	May 29, 2026 5:13 PM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1tr8o66/how_do_i_stop_being_scared_of_flirting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-stop-being-scared-of-flirting.1581587 https://theredarchive.com/post/1581587

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