What are some common first-time flirting mistakes to AVOID?

hunterpua · 2026-01-20T14:08:55+00:00

Inconsistency.

If you've decided to work on this but then you only actually flirt with a new woman once a month or less frequently because you just keep putting it off out of awkwardness, nerves, getting embarrassed, being overwhelmed by the social pressure, etc then that's basically as good as just not working on it at all.

It's gonna be embarrassing. It's gonna be awkward. It's gonna be overwhelming.

You just gotta bite the bullet and keep at it.

And before someone comes in talking about how nerves with women have deep evolutionary roots, stage fright has the same evolutionary roots, fear of the dark has the same evolutionary roots.

Dating nerves don't need any special remedies. You don't need to meditate, tell yourself 50 affirmations every morning, or constantly analyze yourself to find some sort of missing piece in your psyche that will magically make you confident.

If you can overcome stage fright by just talking on stage more, you can overcome approach anxiety by just approaching more.

Approach anxiety and any nerves related to dating have just been overhyped by this community because it's the only type of fear that most people here know the evolutionary purpose of.

Most people who haven't looked deeper into fear in general don't realize that dating nerves and approach anxiety aren't any more significant than a fear of heights and most other fears.

And inconsistency is also your enemy when it comes to overcoming these fears.

You might make some progress after one attempt at flirting but if you leave it for many weeks you will "atrophy" back to where you started or it might even get worse.

On that note, another big mistake is focusing on just one girl for weeks.

If you just want a girlfriend, I won't fault you for fixating on the first girl that gives you a chance.

But if you're actively trying to get better at flirting, you really won't make a lot of progress if all of your experience is gained with just one girl.

A lot of seduction is learning to adjust in the moment. With the same girl, its like you're a fighter studying tape, you have a lot of time to make your adjustments and strategize, so you really won't improve at reacting to different situations as they arise.

That's why it often feels like starting at square one when you finally move on to another girl.

So be consistent and flirt with different girls multiple times a week.

Don't stop just because it's a little uncomfortable.

This is also a good case for cold approach, because at least even if you make a total fool of yourself, nothing changes in your life because you will forget each other 2 weeks later.

If you're trying with girls you work with or share classes with, you won't have as much freedom to experiment and take risks because your reputation might get messed up.

If you really wanna get better at flirting, you gotta do it a lot, you gotta do it often, and you gotta do it with different women.

Western-Month-3877 · 2026-01-20T12:35:18+00:00

It depends on your personality and the dynamics you have with her. Are you extroverted/introverted? Have you gone out with her? Is she your date or just friends?

If you’re introverted the common mistake is not making a move at all. Flirting is okay and encouraged to avoid the friend-zone trap. But make sure you start small or subtle.

On the other hand extroverted guys have the tendencies of coming in too strong. Seen too many guys already start talking about their dicks or her tits/pussy or how he’s gonna blow out her back when she’s not even warmed up yet. Like harshly speaking yea you got a boner already but she’s still dry. Clearly there’s some girls who only wanna have a ONS or be an fwb but they’re not in the majority.

Confidenceisbetter · 2026-01-20T12:35:56+00:00

Bullying. A lot of men insult women because they think their insults are cute but they are usually not. There is a massive difference between saying “why are you wearing this cheap looking dress, is it from Shein? Lol” or saying “you’re so short it’s really cute”. Even the latter one might not go over well because some women are just tired of those types of jokes. So unless you are 100% sure the joke will be appreciated, don’t do it.

SuperPoop · 2026-01-20T15:17:50+00:00

the worst that I've seen is when a guy thinks he is funny but he is definitely not funny. If you're good at calibrating, (reading the room, looking for IoIs, read her micro expressions on her face) you can usually tell if you're doing a good job or not.

Broad-Cranberry-9050 · 2026-01-20T17:11:17+00:00

Worst thing Making it obvious you are flirting. It's not the movies, you likely arent a supermodel looking guy. Doesnt mean you are ugly, just means you need some personality to win the girl over.

Dont go in with a line that is obviously flirting. Dont be so agreeable because you think she's pretty. Be yourself, state your actual opinions, let her talk, hype her up on her outfit, etc. Dont go in calling her pretty and what an honor it is to meet her. Dont put women on pedestals off the bat, let them earn it too.

I started doing better when i treated girls like i did my bros. They arent glass vases they can take a joke. I started doing better when i went into every situation thinking "i dont care if i ever see her i will be myself", instead of thinking "i need her number". When i became result independent. A good night was a good night if i had fun, not if i got a number. Talk to a girl just because you want a friendly conversation not because you want her number and if it leads there than the nubmer should be icing on the cake not the cake itself.

Matter_Still · 2026-01-20T16:45:38+00:00

Wrong time, wrong place. A few examples:

Flirting with a girl in the E.R., at a funeral, or with one in the airport gate area who has been bumped from a flight.

There are numerous other situations.

Realwoujo · 2026-01-20T21:34:14+00:00

The worst thing you can TRY - try to impress her, try to be funny, try to look cool, try to be an "asshole," try to run game, etc. Instead, you should just have fun. Flirting is you saying "Hey, would you like to join me on this fun activity."

Dandys3107 · 2026-01-21T17:11:19+00:00

Being too persistent and oblivious of girl's body language. Being too dull and too serious. Focusing on words instead of body language, tone, tension.

White_lion69 · 2026-01-20T18:27:11+00:00

Should I just YouTube how to flirt?, like where to start and break down what exactly flirting is and how to do it?. Or any good books?

Title	What are some common first-time flirting mistakes to AVOID?
Author	tin8374
Upvotes	32
Comments	11
Date	January 20, 2026 11:32 AM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1qhyqig/what_are_some_common_firsttime_flirting_mistakes/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/what-are-some-common-first-time-flirting-mistakes.1571595 https://theredarchive.com/post/1571595

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