How do you relax when talking to girls?

Jack0fDiamonds · 2018-08-29T02:08:54+00:00

Keep doing it. Practice.

Also remember that everything is a joke this girl isn't a holy grail unicorn and who gives a shit? Own it.

JustSeriousEnough · 2018-08-29T03:52:11+00:00

I appreciate the honesty of this question. I don't want to make this response too long but I want to list a few elements that, I feel, were critical for me to implement in learning how to relax talking to girls.

Performance art - Life and behavior in front of people, let alone sexy ass women, can be an intimidating thing. The first thing someone told me was that life was a performance art. In many instances before you have become comfortable with who you are, life is somewhat of a play act when being in the presence of beautiful, attractive, girls, or in front of crowds, or what have you. In the same vein as faking confidence, the thought that life is a performance art is more eloquent way of what that saying suggests is in those many initial interactions of meeting beautiful ladies and situations that make you less confident in how you are. A fun way to approach it is in acting the way you desperately desire to act to break yourself in. Over time, you develop the style in which you wish to communicate and make a connection with people you've always wanted to make connections with and it will become no longer an act. Two thoughts on how this can be achieved are making two realizations...
Folly - Along this adventure of trying to be more comfortable talking to girls is that you have to realize, you will screw up most likely. You will say, do, be sometimes really uncomfortable with yourself and towards the ladies you wish to talk to. If you're a great one like me, you'll find the most original ways to say some of the most awkward, uncomfortable, weird shit in the world in efforts to be smoother with the ladies. There are two directions that you can go in this path that many dudes get separated into...the one group of dudes, wishing to avoid absolutely minimal feels of failure adopt the performance art idea to a detrimental effect where they embody this really disingenuous personality, aka the douche, that can't understand how to be an authentic person and forever treats people like mean ways because they can't/won't ever cope with their own anxiety. Some girls are so hot, they end up with douche bags because no brave man has ever shown that men can be of the other group of dudes: charming, authentic, comfortable in their own skin. The other good group of dudes realize that the performance art can simply only exist in that opening line. The way to get that girl's attention, then they are able to act normal, implement a genuine personality. Dude that conveys that they're attracted to the pretty girl without having to compromise their standards. I could go more into detail with this but want to last mention one other mental thing to have in mind to lessen the nervousness in implementing such ideas...which is...
Women are people - Girls know when they're pretty. They have dudes of all ages and attractiveness approach them wanting their time/body from when they first develop the boobs (I would so assume). But at the end of the day, remember before girls are girls, they are people first that are looking for people to enjoy time with all the same like you are. Girls will know how to reject the ones that foam at the mouth in their presence and prefer at least ones that can coherently put complete sentences in their presence. I used to be one of those dudes, good times, so you're probably way ahead of me in that regard. The reason why I bring this up is because at the end of the day, to develop a comfortability around girls, you have to try, screw up, and try again. You have to develop a security in knowing to develop a certain ability, you have to put yourself through uncomfortable, uncertain moments where you will screw up. But remember, as long as no one is getting hurt, insulted, etc, no failure is really that big of a deal because if you're smart enough, that ability to be comfortable around women will develop over time.

LimitedContributor · 2018-08-29T02:46:32+00:00

You just do. It'd come to you over time.

guimafelipe · 2018-08-29T01:50:07+00:00

The same way i relax when talking to my friends i guess

LurkingSquidman · 2018-08-29T02:11:18+00:00

Just say dumb shit, like what'd you say with friends.

autumnwolf27 · 2018-08-29T04:33:14+00:00

Don't focus on sex as the end result

sfoonit · 2018-08-29T15:22:04+00:00

Generally with everything in life: what's the worst that can happen? Either she runs away or she smacks you in the face. Which aren't all that bad.

You can be nervous, but they're just people. Maybe you just need to talk to more people in different settings? Do you get nervous talking to your boss?

I used to be a socially anxious person, but now I can pretty much talk to anyone in a relaxed way. Giving presentations in front of 100s of people helps (i.e. industry talks).

In my case, it's been gradual progress.. I run a business and have a few mentors who are considered 'high profile' people with significant net worths -- same here, they're just people. We go to dinner. We chat. We laugh. We talk about business.

Same with women. We go on a date. We chat. We might (or might not) have fun. We laugh. There's escalation. Some women you feel a connection with, others you don't. Don't sweat it.

Re the arms: if in a bar, make sure you get a drink (you might even want to have a beer or a glass of wine before going out). It will help you relax. That's what I did at the beginning.

taurusthetaurus · 2018-08-29T03:37:09+00:00

Eliminate porn and limit how much you jackoff, as it will increase testosterone (and androgen receptors which gives testosterone something to bind too.)
Be as good or better than the other guys, at the end of the day as much as i love u guys on this forum there is no denying that we are all competition with each other. Its not hard to dress better, look better, and game better than most guys.

Boyboy15 · 2018-08-29T00:14:45+00:00

Well sometimes people might have phobias and tho i have never tried this you should probably distract your head ,so when you "gaming" as you like bring a heavy bookbag with you and when you talk hold it in your weak arm 🤗

goodgirl036 · 2018-08-29T04:35:29+00:00

Imagine them naked!

dromance · 2018-08-29T12:45:39+00:00

dude I was just like you. Now I can approach any girl in the world without breaking a sweat. You reach a point where you realize it doesn't matter. Funny enough the girls can sense that you don't give AF and respond positively to this "confidence"

Nitro666999 · 2018-08-29T16:58:16+00:00

Meditation or adderall

hunterpua · 2018-08-29T19:57:19+00:00

Not knowing how to stand or what to do with your arms is a legitimate concern.

Stand with a wide base. When you have your legs apart like that, it'll feel more comfortable to stay put than to shift your weight from one leg to the other so you'll naturally end up staying still.

With your hands you can either put them in your pockets with only your thumbs sticking out (whole hand in pocket means nervous, thumb out is confident) or you can hold them in front of you in a steeple position. That's when your have your hands together but only the tips of your fingers are touching so its like you're forming a pyramid with your hands. The steeple is also good for kino because you'll have your hands in front of you which will naturally cause you to gesture, it'll be easier for you to touch her here and there as you're moving your hands around.

That said, there is a saying that was a real game changer for me: "A king never rushes."

Take your time. Don't be afraid to pause and hold silences. This helps you breathe and calm yourself down. It also gives you time to think. And you will learn that as long as you pause silently instead of using a filler like "ummm" or "ahhh" when you're thinking, people will usually keep their attention on you, ready to listen to what you have to say next. Just pay attention to speakers that you really like listening to, you'll notice they make many silent pauses.

When I started to allow myself to take as much time as I need I became so relaxed that I could eat ice cream or sip coffee while talking to a girl I just cold approached.

kyzen142 · 2018-08-30T00:18:04+00:00

Feel your feet and speak 2 times as slow.

NilsFlair · 2018-08-31T01:42:32+00:00

When your feeling nervous with the girl.
Express it shamelessly! i.e "Im feeling nervous right now"

Trying to hide your nervous makes it weird, and girls are super receptive at sensing it.

Someone who truly does not give a shit expresses how they are feeling and by doing this shows they are not seeking approval.

Where as trying to hide your nervous is massively approval seeking.

You will find when you express it, the feeling will also decrease and lose its power over you.

wawakaka · 2018-08-31T19:29:52+00:00

lift, yoga...the ultimate reaction is raising your body's endorphins which will calm you down and make you feel good.

hard extraneous exercises will raises endorphins for several days so exercies regualry.

truecrisis · 2018-08-29T09:31:45+00:00

I mean all the answers about practice are true but....

The real answer is...

To flip the tables around. Before talking to her tell yourself that she passes the looks test but you want to see if she passes the personality test.

In your mind you should be coming from the mindset that SHE should be nervous and qualify herself to YOU.

A fun analogy I liked is shopping for TVs. You find one you like aesthetically but you need to checkout the specs before you buy. Are you nervous when shopping for TVs? No.

So next time, tell yourself you don't give a shit about what she thinks, and that you wanna go see if she's gonna vibe with you, or if she's gonna be a boring piece of shit that can't hold a conversation with you.

Also, you CANT make her like you. She's either attracted or she isn't. You can gauge this by if she keeps eye contact with you or gives a smile.

The reason the answers about practice being true is because practice gets you to this place on it's own. After practicing for so long you learn that most girls are boring as fuck and they won't mesh with you. That's why you will naturally start qualifying them.

Bills811 · 2018-08-29T05:04:20+00:00

Think with your dick in the beginning

Title	How do you relax when talking to girls?
Author	CodeSkill
Upvotes	32
Comments	22
Date	August 29, 2018 12:09 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/9b4a39/how_do_you_relax_when_talking_to_girls/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-you-relax-when-talking-to-girls.1452429 https://theredarchive.com/post/1452429

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