How much self improvement is needed before women see you as dateable?

revente · 2020-08-04T13:05:31+00:00

You already have everything, just lack enough practice.

STD_Tyler · 2020-08-04T14:46:36+00:00

When you go to a club, girls can't see your money or car or your law degree. The moment you open your mouth they see everything they need to see, and in few seconds they know what kind of a man are you.

So these stuff are good for you and for your self esteem. But you need to learn how to socialise and talk to women. Apparently that's the missing piece of the puzzle.

putcoolusernamehere · 2020-08-04T13:55:33+00:00

I'd say you're dateable, you just need to have more confidence.

I usually say men need 3 things to date: fitness, finances, & fun. You've got the fitness. You're finances now are good, and in the long run they'll be even better when you become a lawyer. You're hobbies could maybe use some work, but it doesn't seem like you're too boring.

For reference, I'm a 23 year old 5'8" 230 lbs man with a shitty entry level job (though I do have a good amount of money tucked away and a few somewhat interesting hobbies I'm developing (concerts, frisbee, poker). I was able to get some dates even when I was 25 lbs bigger, but I don't see myself as dateable until I lose 45-75 more lbs and take big steps towards my career job.

zenpriest99 · 2020-08-04T13:24:49+00:00

Your stats are high. For most guys you would tell them to work on themselves. For you thats already taken care of, you need to learn how to talk to girls. Only way, like someone pointed out, is experience.

Experience is also "self improvement". Experience means travel, it means being in different situations, it means getting punched in the face, cheated on, betrayed, liked, getting rejected, getting laid on a park bench, getting drunk with your boss or prof, almost drowning, breaking your ribs in a street fight, falling in love, crashing random parties, falling off your bike, starting a business, etc. It just comes through living life and gives you perspective.

You say girls dont want to talk to you. Are you short? Are you ugly? And by ugly I mean deformed. Without those handicaps, absolutely no excuses. You could probably get girls with bare minimum "game".

And fuck drama club. Do you lift weights? Play any sports? Are you fit? Dating sites are a cesspool. Best ways to meet girls are through parties, social things, and if that doesnt work out, then you approach on the street, at the mall, going out with friends or on your own at bars, at parks - busy areas, but preferably not rushed. Sometimes you can chat a girl up at the gym or at a cafe, take it slow in class, or through yoga or some shit, but those are not places you can approach like a conveyor belt.

Liberaler · 2020-08-04T14:06:37+00:00

Hi,

Imho you need a social circle of people in your age. It will be your best teacher in the field of social dynamics. It will allow you to closely observe how dating and relationships work and you will automatically emulate good behavior and avoid certain mistakes.

Maybe you should try a paid dating site too. Women are more serious there.

Also, keep in mind that your attractiveness has not peaked yet.

The things you listed are a very good foundation! But maybe you will need some outlet/hobby to express your body and emotions: some (team) sport, weight lifting, playing an instrument, painting etc Of course, it should be something you really enjoy. (Saw too late that you already tried new hobbies, but maybe you should still try more)

Some guys are late bloomers, but still gonna make it. You seem to be heading in the right direction, so just keep moving forward and pushing your boundaries.

Wish you the best!

kalz44 · 2020-08-04T14:24:48+00:00

You're fine. There are a ton of deadbeats (with none of the things you have) who have no issues getting with women. The (rhetorical) question I have is how comfortable are you communicating romantic interest with someone you like?

freddie11x · 2020-08-05T01:09:06+00:00

You seem to already be dateable for the most part. But how about your personality? How do you behave when you interact with the girls? Are you fun and laidback? Can you make the girl smile and laugh? Are you relaxed and confident?

Aim to just interact and have fun with the girls, skip the sex, kissing and dating to begin with. Just interacting does wonders as you get experience and confidence over time and then you can try to aim further step by step. My journey went something like this. No girls in my life whatsoever --> talking to girls online (tinder and snapchat) --> meeting the girls in person --> just having fun and interacting to gain experience without thinking of the intimate stuff at all --> starting to make moves step by step --> kissing & sex & relationship

It is hard but i swear if you just get the ball running it will get so much easier. Also imo you should aim for a relationship with a girl if you get the chance rather than trying to pick up random girls every weekend. As with everything there are pros and cons, but with a girlfriend you get access to regular intimacy and sex, which means you keep gaining important experience regularly instead of small successes here and there. I learnt A LOT from my 1st relationship, more than i would have learned from picking up randoms and it made it so much easier later on to attract other girls.

Good luck buddy!

Weazya · 2020-08-04T13:28:04+00:00

Until it happens

relentless_pma · 2020-08-04T14:56:00+00:00

Maybe there are other people who can give advice regarding the dating sites. I strongly have the idea that looks matter a lot on datingsites.

Have you approached girls on real life?

bear02161994 · 2020-08-04T22:29:36+00:00

You seem like you’re on the right track. Do you use dating appts?

dyckheadd · 2020-08-05T10:51:36+00:00

Where do you live?

camlessnight · 2020-08-05T16:13:09+00:00

I think you need more confidence in yourself. You sound like a really awesome person and if you take more pride in what you’ve done so far, it should help you out. Confidence attracts propel. Now, be careful in not taking that to the extreme and being narcissistic. Also you might want to try just hanging out with different types of people rather than actively pursuing them. Chatting and being friends with different types of girls will give you more experience with how to talk to them, how to keep interesting conversation, and how to read some of the signs we tend to give off. For me, I don’t really care what a guy looks like weight/height, but it does matter how he talks to me. If he’s showing me respect rather than just attraction. Keeping conversation rather than forcing it. Imo, You don’t really need dating experience to start a fling or relationship, you just need conversational experience. Most girls like to teach the guy how to act in the relationship, they just don’t like to teach him how to be a person, if that makes sense. Sorry this was so long, I was just thinking.

2020-08-07T09:33:54+00:00

Firstly, don't follow women's advice on how to date women.

Next, get into the habit of regular cold approaches. AA is very tough to get past, but it is totally possible. Here's my tips-

Go to the part of town with most girls. This will be your day game turf. Meet up with other guys who do game.
Open girls with a compliment. Have no intention of a conversation. Just get her attention, give her the compliment, walk away. Do this a few days a week for a few weeks. Your AA will reduce. You'll see that some women are really happy to hear it, others are negative. If you're not obviously unattractive (clothes, hygiene, highly nervous) then you will realise their reaction is more about them than you. This builds confidence.
Next, start seguing the compliment into a conversation. Start using more creative openers.if she chats to you for 5-10 min and is asking questions, put a date idea out there and ask for Insta/number. If she isn't keen on swapping deets, bow out gracefully. You will learn some good lines for this ("I have a boyfriend!"...."that's fine, I'm not the jealous type" etc)
Do DG approaches regularly and your AA will gradually reduce.
You'll see that you are more than dateable enough. You are enough. You just might need to sharpen your approach and game skills.

MongrelLife · 2020-08-06T22:49:31+00:00

Self improvement is a lie told to losers so they fuck off

People get into relationships at young age without any "self improvement"

But naah, you gotta hit the gym, learn German, get 2 degrees, attend 5 pua seminars, travel the world, get jaw surgery and only after that you will be able to find your first sweet relationship with a 32 yo single mother 🙂

Title	How much self improvement is needed before women see you as dateable?
Author	Ploikblah
Upvotes	11
Comments	29
Date	August 4, 2020 12:58 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/i3iuna/how_much_self_improvement_is_needed_before_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-much-self-improvement-is-needed-before-women.1499817 https://theredarchive.com/post/1499817

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