How to start the Tinder-date

Tombstone31 · 2014-01-08T04:34:28+00:00

Meh you'll figure it out. You'll both probably be a little tense. Wine will help. She'll probably want to talk and get to know you for a little while - she's not a hooker after all. And then she'll probably give you a green light of some kind, and that's when you kiss kiss bang bang.

ADHD7 · 2014-01-08T10:20:35+00:00

Do the naked man dude. That would be legendary.

JohnnyKnowItAll · 2014-01-09T04:17:39+00:00

Throwaway here.

I've gotten conversation with about 50 or 60 ladies on tinder, gone on 31 dates. Banged 29 of them. Everyone knows Tinder is for hook-ups.

You've never met and she's coming over to your place? This is a guaranteed bang. Unless you fuck it up. (Do not attempt The Naked Man - that is for a last ditch effort. I've done it twice - mostly just to get the story out of it. It worked once. That's an even better story. Helps that she saw HIMYM.) Fucking it up includes: being creepy; being sloppy - in your dress and how your apartment looks (kinda); being boring - if you can't maintain a conversation, play the strong silent type... but not too much or she'll be uncomfortable and then you're being creepy. Finally, judge the situation, if she goes in for a hug when you let her in, I sometimes give a quick kiss - you have to be very smooth, confident and suave to pull this off. It must be played as, "I wanted a preview of later." If you're asking what to do, I'd suggest staying away from this.)

WALL OF INSTRUCTIONAL TEXT CRITS FOR 8999.999 (Goddamn it, never 9000!)

So, she comes over. Lie: tell her you just got in (be dressed in casual outdoor stuff), and are hungry. Offer a snack that takes some time to prepare (freezer pizza is good for this - prepare by having it out of the freezer and ready to go in the oven as well as having pre-heated the oven). This gives you 10-20 minutes of a safety zone. She'll know it. You'll know it. And it avoids having to put on a movie. Sit her down, offer drinks - clink glasses. Put on some music quietly in the background. (You know, control the fucking atmosphere). Chat. Touch her knee; linger after a few times. Escalate. Get up to check the pizza; sit back down much closer to her and - if you're on a couch or a similar position, put your arm along her back/side so you can gently trace outlines with a fingertip on her back while you talk. That shit is mad effective. You should have been wearing a sweater this whole time. Before you sit down is the perfect time to take it off. Do it looking at her with a mischievous smile, but very casually - you're hot, she's making you hot, and you're just cooling down. She'll know what you're implying. But the pizza's not done. This creates sexual tension. Now that you're closer, trance shit on her shoulder/back/arm. Mmmmm. The tension is so palpable you can cut it with a knife. Kiss her. Don't make out. Just kiss, lightly, a few times. Now we're getting to the..... oh wait! Pizza's ready DING! Guess you're going to have to interrupt this because you don't want the pizza burning. (That would be a fucking disaster. She'll judge you if you burn that shit. Also, you'll have nothing to snack on after you've fucked. This is important. It reminds her of when you were being innocent before. More on this later.) But you get up - breaking the kissing moment and this leaves her wanting more. Lets her know you're in control. Cut the pizza. Plate that shit. Don't burn yourself or your plans will be hampered. Present it on the table with napkins. You don't have to eat it! Leave, using an excuse (not the napkins) to go back into the kitchen for 10-20 seconds: this allows her to either pick up a slice of pizza if she wants it, or not. Come back and find her in one or two positions: with pizza or without. Without: sit back besides her, "Where were we? Oh you were kissing me." Make it playful. Make her smile. Continue kissing, teasing and using your SEXY TIME MALE SKILLZ. Proceed to penetration, dirty talk (if that's your thing), and bodily fluids that make a mess. Ensure you are wearing protection. She just came (hahaha puns, but only if you're good) to your place to fuck you; she's possibly done it before with other cocks - yes, you're basically being used as a dildo with a body; yes she'd probably buy one of the full sized sex dolls if she could but that's shit's expensive and it doesn't bang you and make her go, "Man, I feel like a woman, twa twa ma nana". Keep your ape shit clean so you can not die a gruesome and horribly painful death because you'll go blind if you masturbat... wait. What? Nevermind. Anyway... Scenario 2! She has a pizza slice. Fuck dude! Awesome! Means you get to eat a pizza slice too. Important!!!: finish before her. Not orgasmically speaking, but the pizza slice, you dumb fuck. Sorry. I'm sure you're nice person and your mom loves you to bits. But this is sex and seduction and we ain't got time for that Huckleberry Finn shit. But yeah. That way, when she's done, you can help her clean up the messy pizza in many different ways: licking/sucking her fingers, kissing. These should be done erotically, not like a fucking St.Bernard eating a goddamn buttered apple-nut filled turkey. Fuck that sounds delicious. Anyways. So now you're kissing. Proceed to engage SEXY TIME MALE SKILLZ. Enjoy. Clean up. Remain naked. Eat some pizza. Now it's cold pizza. It's real good. It's even better than smoking after sex. Fuck that smoking shit.... only the French look good smoking in bed after sex. And even then, you have to be a French woman with hairy armpits, wavy dark hair and a bush that a black man would wear as an afro because you're sexually liberate and fuck you, american pig dog and your repressed sexuality. And you're not French are you? Probably fucking not! But if you are, smoke and eat, my French amis; smoke and eat. Anyways. Now you've eaten. That has given you and her plenty of time to ogle each other again. Round 2 through 5 or 7 should follow. Remain naked... until she dresses. Then, put on underpants. They are your sexy underpants that make you look good, right? You don't own a pair? What the fuck? Go out and buy some. Life pro tip: "My Package" underwear. $25 a pop. They're one of the top 3 most comfortable underwear in the world. And they make your junk look great. I have an average sized dick: 7". So it looks really good; especially in turquoise. Big dicks will look even better, I imagine. Yeah that's right. I said I imagined it. Sometimes weird shit comes to your head okay? Fuck you, Mr./Mrs. Perfectly In Control Of Your Throughts. Whatever; smaller dicks will look big in that underwear too. So fuck your "I'm too cool for fancy underwear" bull-diddily-hooey and go out and buy sexy underwear. Women have them; so should you. Anyways. If you look good enough in your underwear, you can probably get one more round out of her. Especailly if your SEXY TIME MALE SKILLZ are really, really fucking good. Anyways, now you've fucked a tinder date. Congratulations. Kick her the fuck out (nicely, douchefuck, because she might come back. Especially if she's a horny teen. I've got my wife and two mistresses - one of which is a slutty fucking teen that loves my married... err.... penetration device. I'm trying to convince her to bring another teen friend for fun one night. Young girls: so impressionable. AS LONG AS ITS LEGAL. Don't go to jail. Not jail > pussy. Pussy > jail. Simple math. Also Jail 8====D YOU.) While still mostly naked, take out your phone, get back on tinder and proceed to judge others superficially/based on body parts you're attracted to, proceed to match more, chat, exchange numbers and you can do it again. Only this time you're not going to reddit. Cuz you know what to do. Cuz Pappy Johhny don't told it to you. Daddy wow! You're a big kid now!

tl;dr bragging / don't fuck up, be cool, get yer willy wet, and LPT regarding underwear

edit: fucking English and insults

2014-01-08T07:43:07+00:00

Personally I wouldn't not jump into sex. I've gone on a lot of Tinder dates, and I've had sex with quite a few girls from it. Even on obvious hookup dates, I started by chatting a bit, having a drink or a few to loosen things up, and getting the vibe.

When you know it's on, it's fun to play the tension up for a while anyway.

FeelingSassy · 2014-01-08T12:54:23+00:00

Open the door naked, wearing only a gimp mask and marigold gloves. DONT forget the marigold gloves as the brightness draws her eyes naturally downwards towards your raging boner!

46n2arejustaheadofme · 2014-01-08T18:16:58+00:00

Make sure you lock your door, especially the reversed locks so she can't escape.

Then just use the implication.

AveofSpades · 2014-01-08T05:17:51+00:00

Don't make it awkward.

Casually be doing something when she arrives, preferably watching something on TV where she can join if she chooses. Have drinks in the house but don't plan on drinking. Just offer her a beverage as a gracious host and go from there. Play it cool and make sure you use a rubber

Heizenbrg · 2014-01-08T13:56:06+00:00

How did you go from exchanging numbers to basically hooking up? I get lost after exchanging numbers.

TuxedoCatsParty_Hard · 2014-01-08T09:56:40+00:00

Have some amazing Trader Joe's snacks available, clean your place and make it smell great. Everything else will fall into place.

Turquill · 2014-01-08T05:32:50+00:00

I met a girl on Tinder and invited her over. When she got to my apartment I had just finished cleaning. I took her to my room where I showed her reddit and all of its awesomeness. I then played guitar and sang for her. I asked her to sing and she seemed a little nervous so then I said "You seem a little tense, let me help you with that" and then I kissed her. We made out for about 30 seconds then I stopped kissing her and asked her if she was ready to sing. She did. Then I just kino..ed her and starting feeling her up. She then shit tested me by saying "you just want to have sex with me" in which I replied "of course I want to have sex with you, don't you want to have sex with me?" In which she said yes...and so we did. It took me around an hour and a half to have sex with her but you have to make sure she feels comfortable. She's in a strange place with a stranger make her feel welcomed and at home. Definitely use the wine.

bigfike · 2014-01-08T17:58:11+00:00

I actually went out the first time with a Tinder girl, I was probably more cautious than she was. I could've kissed her but decided against it. Then we hung out a couple more times and had sex. Make her comfortable, chat a bit.

Basmustquitatart · 2014-01-08T18:08:51+00:00

Do coffee or frozen yogurt first. This gives you time for you two to get to know each other a bit first. It makes her feel much more comfortable when she does come over to your place. I usually make dinner with her and then we "watch a movie".

RazeUrWeapon · 2014-01-08T19:40:32+00:00

This has potential to be quite the experience. Try to just stay in the moment and enjoy every second of it. Let it go naturally. She will appreciate this as well.

Hughtub · 2014-01-08T23:55:18+00:00

I've gotten a half dozen or so matches, none have ever replied. A few were spammers who ultimately were just fishing for people for their web camera site.

Babayaga20000 · 2014-01-08T16:55:13+00:00

Ive literally gone through hundreds of chicks and still have zero matches, yet all my friends got multiple matches within minutes... Im beginning to think mine is broken

ImagineGawds · 2014-01-08T18:50:26+00:00

ppl still use Tinder. How could anyone get laid off that.

Title	How to start the Tinder-date
Author	whattodowhatotdo
Upvotes	84
Comments	46
Date	January 8, 2014 4:11 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1uoof8/how_to_start_the_tinderdate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-start-the-tinder-date.1364128 https://theredarchive.com/post/1364128

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