I feel super nervous when eating with someone...

sensitivePornGuy · 2011-07-07T14:43:44+00:00

Misread this as "I feel super nervous when eating someone". Thought: it's too late to be nervous by then.

kingnutter · 2011-07-07T14:58:19+00:00

This instantly reminded me of this excerpt from Sylvia Plath's "The Bell Jar":

"I'd discovered, after a lot of extreme apprehension about what spoons to use, that if you do something incorrect at the table with a certain arrogance, as if you knew perfectly well you weren't doing it properly, you can get away with it and nobody will think you are bad-mannered or poorly brought up.They will think you are original and very witty.

I learned this trick the day Jay Cee took me to lunch with a famous poet. He wore a horrible, limpy, speckled brown tweed jacket and gray pants and a red and blue checked open-throated jersey in a very formal restaurant full of fountains and chandeliers, where all the other men were dressed in the dark suits and immaculate white shirts.

This poet ate his salad with his fingers leaf by leaf, while talking to me about the antithesis of nature and art. I couldn't take my eyes off the pale, stubby white fingers traveling back and forth from the poet's salad bowl to the poet's mouth with one dripping lettuce leaf after another. Nobody giggled or whispered rude remarks. The poet made eating salad with your fingers seem to be the only natural and sensible thing to do."

Tesatire · 2011-07-07T14:13:27+00:00

That is actually fairly normal. I do the same thing, it takes longer for me to decide what to eat because in the back of my head I always think that every little thing about the food I am eating is adding to my being judged.

My standard is to order something simple and I can usually only make it about halfway through whatever I have ordered.

ImReddit · 2011-07-07T14:54:42+00:00

I'm a similar way, anxiety makes me stress out. Especially when it's near food.

I can't eat, even normally. This trees has helped with, but you can't always get trees on a date, or in a social situation.

My alternative has been quite similar to what Tesatire said. I usually go out and order just a salad, or something equally light. Something that allows me to just munch lightly (social eating, if you will) and contribute to the conversation.

Eating a lot is not a social requirement, but eating socially is. You don't need to eat plenty to make the other person feel comfortable, you just shouldn't make them eat alone.

seltaeb4 · 2011-07-07T15:47:17+00:00

Then 69 may not be for you.

bananatomato · 2011-07-07T14:38:13+00:00

Yo everyone that has this, correct me if I'm wrong...

But if you're like me, you were brought up with very good table manners, and you were taught never to talk with your mouth full.

So you only have a small 'gap' in which to say something, and it even worse when it's silent, and you lose being spontaneous?

And I really like food so I'm always eating... I'm fine if I'm not eating and I put my fork and knife down...maybe it's my table manners holding me back?

I'm also fine if everyone else I'm talking, I'm happy just sitting there, eating, and listening haha

prodevel · 2011-07-07T15:17:03+00:00

super self-conscious

seanmg · 2011-07-07T16:10:25+00:00

Try and think about this little point. Eating food helps with slowing your pace down and coming off more comfortable. If you're eating, you have a reasonable explanation for taking 5-10 seconds to answer a question or comment on something. You're not going to talk with your mouth full, and the slower your pace is the more confident you seem in yourself.

tubbynerd · 2011-07-07T16:27:47+00:00

See this bag of fucks here beside me? See how I'm not giving you a single one? That's how you should treat the situation when you're eating.

2011-07-07T14:27:02+00:00

Unless you have no tongue or some bizarre/distracting/rude eating habits, it sounds like you're psyching yourself out.

I don't know why!

Really? You're you and you've lived with this for years. Why do you think it might be?

If you've tried everything, go see a therapist; this will cause you problems when eating with a boss or work colleagues as well.

nycprowl · 2011-07-07T16:03:20+00:00

While I don't get nervous about eating in front of people, my advice would be to get a few small non messy appetizers for yourself (something that's easy to pick at). And you don't have to be 100 percent engrossed in.

Your feelings probably stemmed from the fact you think you're being judged. Not to be harsh but realize that no one really gives a fuck enough to judge what you're getting... They are too worried about their own food.

Protip: if on a date carry mints, obviously.

BroGangsterProPUA · 2011-07-07T16:21:32+00:00

Eating is a normal biological and social process. Just eat. Everyone else does. No one is "judging you" because you're eating.

BroGangsterProPUA · 2011-07-07T16:21:43+00:00

Eating is a normal biological and social process. Just eat. Everyone else does. No one is "judging you" because you're eating.

bananatomato · 2011-07-07T16:28:37+00:00

You're just lacking inner game and you need to man up and graduate from beta to alpha. try negging her while eating to make your inner game better.

Claytonius_Homeytron · 2011-07-07T16:48:51+00:00

You're thinking to much. You should keep in mind that the person/s sitting across/next to you have to put their pants on the same way you do everyday, they have to wipe their ass when done in the bath room just like you and they most certainly have to eat the same way you do. Don't think of it as anything special. Turn it into a casually social thing. I remember my first official date with a girl that I liked. We went to a nice place to eat and I was so damn nervous I could hardly eat. Later I learned that she felt the same way. Keep that in mind.

bluehat9 · 2011-07-07T20:05:16+00:00

It sounds to me like this related back to your "strict" upbringing and table manners.

You don't need to put your fork and knife down between every bite like they teach in manners school. Its not the end of the world, but I think that you are getting caught up in your head about being proper, something that was drilled into you at a young age. On top of this you are worried about being judged, because your parents probably critiqued your manners frequently.

All I can say is fake it til you make it, stop worrying about what you're doing, just enjoy the conversation and the food. It should be about 50/50. Also there is nothing wrong with taking your time to chew a nice bite, listening and simultaneously enjoying the food, even taking a nice sip of your drink before you respond to somethign your date said. Be comfortable, don't feel rushed, or forced to talk. Awkward silences are some of the best builders of sexual tension. Breaking it after the meal is the best.

zero-irony · 2011-07-07T20:06:39+00:00

Remember that advice a couple of days back? BREATHE.
Take a deep breath, think not of the ways to eat your food, but how awesome it tastes. AND a pleasant conversation. Carry those notions along together at once, since you're there to do both at once. Enjoy them both and you'll find the balance.

Who gives a shit what anyone thinks of the ways you eat? And if they do, you're definitely better off without them. A true alpha doesn't need anyone's approval because he's confident in what he does.

Mama_Said · 2011-07-07T21:00:35+00:00

My wife and I when eating at a restaurant always sit on the same side of the booth or table, so we're always facing the same thing.

If something funny happens across the room you'll both see it, and if it's behind you guys you'll both miss it and have that to talk about.

Title	I feel super nervous when eating with someone...
Author	bananatomato
Upvotes	29
Comments	28
Date	July 7, 2011 1:48 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ij0sh/i_feel_super_nervous_when_eating_with_someone/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-feel-super-nervous-when-eating-with-someone.1320019 https://theredarchive.com/post/1320019

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