I Keep Failing First Dates

zapadz · 2022-09-30T08:28:43+00:00

Here are videos with dating advice with Asperger’s and getting better social skills

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL_FkyI48URU3e0bKZY6IpgWVZ0H1fFycX

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulu6TOu-gqs&list=PLFNd_aavDswuscCy3UcyBrOu-r6lh8NZU&index=66

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85jQpsxhMCc&list=PLpI2rEfe8xYnebUJaJuZM6vhuOw5ZubfR&index=5

Here are videos on having better dates and getting second dates

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rQ_tli2onA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pY8LPtN5EVk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--B5hwpqPuY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ifb0IShx4ok

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuRJg4VrpmU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZwtfDsZHY2g

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o58mobKfDvI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzKZeaCa9lc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRzdqh4sYPQ

Here are videos on repairing confidence and self esteem and not being hurt by bad interactions with women

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLeztx1--I_i-Uup3kAW7okkR2uGVkJ7pv

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YoapA4BpRU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIsy_HSHkKo

ShortStuffV2 · 2022-09-30T08:24:48+00:00

What do you think is going wrong? Do you notice things that you do or say that cause shifts in body language or the tone of the interaction?

Are you getting too dry and intellectual and serious and factual instead of keeping the mood light and fun and sexy?

Are you using touch, or are you too afraid to break the barrier?

kristoll1 · 2022-09-30T15:38:54+00:00

27 is kind of a lot. Are you agreeing to go on dates with people you're not really compatible with or interested in? E.g., if you're not 100% into your date, it will show when you're on the date. And then it's like self-sabotage to feel bad when they reject you, because they're rejecting you knowing that you're not actually into them.

In the past two months, 15 people wanted to meet up with me, but I only ended up meeting 4 of them, because I realized while texting them that they probably wouldn't be a good fit.

Each of my 4 first dates lasted 3+ hours, because it was clear we were compatible and wanted to go beyond the initially planned activity. Only two of them led to a second date (in one case, I wasn't attracted to her, in the other case, she wasn't attracted to me). So you could say my success rate so far is 2/15, which is in the same ballpark as your success rate. I'm happy with this!

revente · 2022-09-30T09:20:54+00:00

Do you want advice or just came here to complain?

Because it'd be helpful to know anything about your current strategy.

For instance, tell us how much do you escalate physically.

isaacnewtonx40 · 2022-10-01T00:31:47+00:00

I was diagnosed with Asperger’s too. I too used to struggle keeping a woman after the first date. I later went on to find out my problem wasnt attraction or seduction… I simply wasn’t socially intuitive enough! I lacked the ability to communicate properly in general! Years and years went by. I worked on my charisma, I learned how to project my voice, I started journaling and recognizing the nuances in communication. I started implementing and internalizing new behavioral traits like decisiveness, leadership, independence, fearlessness, confidence, optimism, the ability to vibe and joke and so on. That’s what my issue was. Now I can say I’ve slept with around 50 women over the years total and I have settled down with a beautiful busty redhead babe with a kickass personality which is exactly what I’ve learned I wanted. You’ll get there brother. For me, I had a lot of prerequisites before seduction.

Icy_Rub1839 · 2022-09-30T16:00:19+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Effective_Text8282 · 2022-09-30T07:53:57+00:00

Im sorta in the same boat as you just couple years younger. when I go on dates and they fail or theres no connection or if i'm interested and she's not I tell myself "it wasn't meant to be everything happens for a reason" even tho its cheesy to say, I still say it cause its true. you just got to shoot all shots, you see a girl at the store say something. eventually something will come out of it weather its a big boost in confidence or conversation/flirting skills with women or even a few dates. something will come when you dont expect it. just dont get too invested into them, thats something i had to learn.

JimmyAngel5 · 2022-09-30T10:22:34+00:00

Social anxiety in really a limiting factor, I understand you. You do not know what is the right thing to to in the exact moment and so you feel trapped because you don't want to feel inappropriate. First of all, the truth is that there isn't "the right thing to do". There are sure many wrong things to do but then there is just a spectrum of more or less adequate things to do.

You can achieve only the level of intimacy in which the other person feel safe. This level differ from person to person, front the current environment and from moment to moment.

Although every person has different boundaries, humans remains animals, so there are natural behaviours to unconsciously appear more trustworthy and confident to strangers. There are universal non verbal communication signs that you should learn to look more friendly.

Having a good set of social skills will help you to attract more people around you. What I try to always repeat to me is that it is just a game.

For example, do you have problems with bringing closer and cuddle other animals like dogs and cats?

If no, then you have just to translate the non verbal communication signs that you are using to attract animals also to the humans (who are just animals after all). How do you know when and where a cat want to be cuddle by you? If you understand this, you can also understand it with humans.

If yes, then you have to work on these behaviours that move away animals from you and will produce that feeling to the people that "something is not right" "I didn't feel the chemistry" "you are not my tipe".

Hope this help.

atomant88 · 2022-09-30T13:25:10+00:00

Learn game

Review what you should be doing

Compare to your experience and find your weak area

Then go and try again

Remember the basics : make the approach, signal intent, build intimacy, escalate with consent

If you're already on a date the issue is likely building intimacy

Canadian-Seductioner · 2022-09-30T14:31:57+00:00

Sounds like you're not very engaging during the dates, but it's hard to diagnose the problem without knowing more.

Dorsiflexionkey · 2022-09-30T16:18:07+00:00

random question. But is it appropriate for somebody with aspergers to do something like boxing? I say this alot but boxing/mma helps with confidence and assertiveness.

CautiousSea4815 · 2022-09-30T19:22:30+00:00

I've been on a few dates over the years and none of them turned into anything. My ltr have all been women I met, hung out with and had sex a few times, before we even went out in public together.

I think dating went away in the 90s.

Thin-Cartoonist-9485 · 2022-10-01T01:13:47+00:00

Simple ...don't be so needy...not appealing

TheRealAlkemyst · 2022-10-01T01:59:32+00:00

Keep in mind there are many many chicks out there now just looking for a free meal and drinks with no intention of ever considering a real 'date'. They are also looking for gifts and crap right off the bat and will try to guilt you into to doing it since "everybody else does".

I do a happy hour for a date, I am in for just a drink or two before I can decide if I need to bail or it may work out. If it's working out then I can bring up "want to get dinner?" and tell them I am cancelling my other plan for that night. If not, I bounce thanking them for their time and be done with it.

There is Dinner and Dick and Dinner and Ditch. I don't do the latter :)

Equivalent_Song_2918 · 2022-10-01T04:18:57+00:00

Learn game buddy. My social skills are asperger-like too but game is giving me some semblance of a social life. It’s gives me greater clarity of social dynamics, especially when applied, and that can go a long way in your dating life. Good luck.

fazzavich · 2022-10-01T05:52:42+00:00

So 27 dates in a month and you've taken 3 further but this is a failure? I'm confused I'm not sure I believe the 27 since August part. Nearly every day you're going on a date.

Title	I Keep Failing First Dates
Author	Icy_Rub1839
Upvotes	7
Comments	30
Date	September 30, 2022 7:46 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/xrvds2/i_keep_failing_first_dates/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-keep-failing-first-dates.1249176 https://theredarchive.com/post/1249176

Comments