Inability to make friends.

TofuTofu · 2012-09-22T16:17:39+00:00

Dude, you made it into an Ivy league school despite the fact you're a massive stoner... You're in a popular frat. You play basketball and make hip-hop beats... WTF are you so insecure about?

No one is judging you, if anything they might be jealous of you! Just focus on enjoying life and human interactions and stop giving a fuck about what others think about you.

"Giving value" does not mean "providing value in the hopes that someone will like you." That's the exact opposite - beta, value-taking behavior. It's like the old saying, "Trying to DHV is a DLV."

I literally never make plans with anyone I meet, and rarely even get their phone number.

There's your problem, bro. Start changing that immediately. From now on, you are a social networking master. Get the digits, get the Facebook, and start inviting people out to do cool shit that you enjoy. Some will show up, you will click with some, and you will become friends.

But seriously, your concept of "giving value" is warped. Give value because you enjoy giving value, not because you hope for something in return.

amberlise · 2012-09-22T16:41:10+00:00

First, stop smoking weed. It is not helping you to be social. If you need a buzz, have a drink.

Second, you need to practice talking to strangers more. Force yourself to do it. And listen to your social friends to pick up on how they keep conversations going, tell stories, etc.

Negorkin · 2012-09-22T16:39:35+00:00

It sounds like you have all the tools you need(smart, passionate about an activity, talkative), you just havent figured out what you want yet. If you want to make friends then find people you like, get there numbers and hang out with them. Everyone judges in some way. You can't control that. Find a way that works for you to drown it out.

HumanSuitcase · 2012-09-22T17:31:34+00:00

What you're telling me is that you picked a room mate based on the fact that you both smoke weed, you followed your friend(s) to a popular fraternity, you never make plans with people.

How I'm interpreting what you're telling me here is that these are all things that you don't like either about yourself or about your situation. So you've identified them all ready. Now you just need to change these habits or situations. Try this; the next conversation you find yourself in, see if you can get help with a subject some one is knowledgeable in. You don't even have to need help with that particular subject, really, but asking for some one's help immediately endears you to them in some way. It makes them feel important and everyone likes that.

Also, I'd like to know why you think they're judging you. What has been said that gives you this impression? If anything, as some one who does this myself, I'd guess that it's' you judging yourself.

2012-09-22T20:56:02+00:00

doesn't your fraternity hold mixers or have girls at their parties? being in a fraternity is supposed to be one of the easiest ways to meet girls.

mack132 · 2012-09-23T05:13:11+00:00

I didn't read everyone else's responses but I feel like this has to do with your ADHD. I'm an attractive girl, fun to be around, yet I only have a couple of friends. I would recommend reading a book about ADHD. It helped me be less frustrated with myself and why I was feeling the way I was.

I get exponentially more discouraged when I see those same people being entertained by more social people, because I clearly was not able to provide any joy in their lives.

That's your anxiety showing. It's the constant thought racing that really brings you down. You might also want to google coping with adult ADHD. It's an opportunity to learn about yourself

woocheese · 2012-09-22T16:07:52+00:00

Sounds more /r/askreddit than seddit! Steady girlfriend!? Boring!

Give the book how to make friends and influence people a read. It's pretty old but a good read especially the bullet points. I actually find it easier to get a girl interested in me than I do to actually make male friends. I'm sure if all you wanted was a girlfriend you could approach any girl you see using the tips and tricks in the side bar.

Honestly I can't help but feel that the closer male friends that we had growing up will get fewer and far between as we age. I am loosing people I call friends as I move or they move. By friends I mean guys who if i needed to bury a body I could call and they would be completely down with it. That kind of friendship will not be something you can really create or force. Seduction and the tips everyone gives here will aid in getting with a girl but won't really build up to a loving relationship that is still all about personality and deeper shit. You can't force or trick true love, you can't force or trick true friends. You can fake it but you can't fake your true feelings about someone.

Still to make friends be honest with every guy you know, speak your mind, do a job you love, join a club prehaps. In time you will meet other guys that have similar interests and possibly make some good close friends.

Canei · 2012-09-22T17:46:02+00:00

I think the other comments have it covered, but I think it is worth adding: You know what you need to do. The answer was inside you even before writing this post. The key is doing it.

2012-09-23T08:47:56+00:00

Well besides your outlook on life being fucked up your in a perfect position to be fucking awesome. First of all, maybe you should realize how small your mentality is. Expand your fucking mind somehow, like read up on 90% of the world who lives in extreme poverty. My point actually revolves around the fact that this life is freaking amazing!! Every second of your life you should be saying "holy shit balls, im fucking alive!!!" Every cell in your body should scream in amazement. If your not doing this, your being ignorant of facts. Dont start with me on odds of being here. Everything in this world that is alive is striving to live and I mean really LIVE. Get the fuck out of your head because you obviously need a new one. You need a paradigm shift! What you should do is stop listening to yourself. Watch fight club. You have become submissive to your mind. It controls you now and you need to start controlling it. Dont become a drone who listens to the incessant thoughts that your mind produces. Its a disease that unfortunately most people catch. Enough with your going down the wrong path. Try yoga try buddha try enlightenment try to stop thinking. Just live. Be free

2012-09-22T23:58:55+00:00

Try stopping fapping. I don't know why it works... but it does! It's helped me with my social anxiety, I think that maybe one of your problems. Check out /r/NoFap for more information.

mack132 · 2012-09-23T01:08:40+00:00

this is why i wanna go to college, im jealous of your life, get laid pussy. i get laid and i go to CC and the girls there are all old/slutty/stupid/gross or hot and being hit on by 5 guys all time, so i have to drive to go to real universities for nice good girls. then i go to breakfast with them the next day and stare at all the 7,8,9s all 18-21 yrs old. man up and start whippin your dick out if it works 1 outta 50 itll work like 10 times.

Supajin · 2012-09-22T20:27:24+00:00

Is it really that difficult for white people to make friends?

avonv · 2012-09-22T19:18:57+00:00

upvoted tofutofu for the truest words here about initiating.

i suffer largely from social apathy when it comes to most of my guy friends - not in the sense that i don't have a lot of good friends who i enjoy keeping in my company, but that i just never go out of my way to see them or contact them regularly (i also have a girlfriend and so do a lot of them, go figure).

it's never too late to turn it around, but we all cannot change how we are wired internally. i am both an extremely social and extremely solitary person. in groups of other people i am typically the center of attention, have the most fun, etc., but a lot of times i just choose to be myself. it has led to me definitely having more "acquaintances than friends", but i've accepted that and a large part of my free-time / social life is consumed by my girlfriend so there is only so much i can do anyway.

a bit longwinded, but here is my advice as someone a few years older than you:

use junior and senior year as a time to change your social ways. start organizing parties, events, nights-out in town, and trips ... hell, no matter what ivy league school you are at you will be close to cities like boston, nyc, atlantic city, philly. be a catalyst, not just another bystander.

but absolutely do NOT waste your time on "friends" who you think would never be there for you after graduation. your goal should be to come away from college with at least a few bros for life. people whose weddings you will attend, guys who you will keep in touch with... if you already know who these friends are for you, then just be more proactive around them and it never hurts to show guy friends affection (in a straight / comfortable way). if you don't have these friends yet, keep searching for them and try to build friendships up to that point. remember, the craziest / wildest / best-stories you share with them will ALWAYS strengthen the bonds. get out there and live it up for your final 2 years - just not at the expense of your future goals in life!

sefka · 2012-09-22T21:29:05+00:00

which ivy?

kazagistar · 2012-09-22T22:15:02+00:00

Being social is a skill, learned by failing at it until you get better. Expect to fail, then try to rationally identify what you could have done better, and try again. Also, you can imitate what others do who seem to be doing better.

And if you pull up any bullshit about "being yourself"... urg. Being yourself is just an excuse people use to not seek self improvement.

blessedrain · 2012-09-23T01:40:40+00:00

Here's my advice. As someone who's smoked a bit before, I can make friends with some of the stoners around campus. As I walk by them, I can smell it (kinda obvious) and I approach them and sort of jokingly ask if they're smoking weed, when it's really obvious. It's a good conversation starter, and the fact that both of you mutually smoke weed is somewhat of a basis of a friendship. That being said, don't be friends with someone just because they smoke weed as well, unless that person is your dealer.

mack132 · 2012-09-22T19:58:36+00:00

AXA?

Title	Inability to make friends.
Author	mack132
Upvotes	99
Comments	45
Date	September 22, 2012 3:23 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/10asjb/inability_to_make_friends/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/inability-to-make-friends.1339895 https://theredarchive.com/post/1339895

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