Greetings my friends and neighbours! Long time lurker here, decided to get involved, share my thoughts and experiences because you've always been there for me and it's time to start giving back.

Backstory;

I'm 29, almost 30. This last year has been wildly successful for me (quadrupled my number), but it wasn't always this way. I was with a woman for more than six years and married for one. Before I met her I had three actual girlfriends and 8 total sexual partners. When I turned 20 I realized I was not... normal. I really enjoyed dominating and beating women, always consensually of course. This was not easy to cope with, and almost 10 years ago there was not very much quality information by way of the internet, so I kind of had to figure this out on my own. I thought I was a freak, that it was wrong or immoral to want to tie women up, to leave bruises on their bodies, or to set up "play rapes". Little did I know...

After I met my now-ex wife, I was already in my stride. Her and I... were not a normal couple. I doubled my number with her by my side (she knew and participated). I had just left Portland, OR and moved to a fucking shithole town in the NW to help with family matters and finish off my school. College is a fantastic place to put your game into practice. Within months of moving I had a nice set of girls in my pocket, three to be exact, all of whom turned out to be quite kinky.

How is this relevant? Because attraction. I was, and am, a confident, assertive, self aware man who is mildly attractive, witty and charming. I am also tall and built like a brick shithouse. I never had to persue women, they just sort of presented themselves to me and I would act on opportunity. Regarding kink, I do believe that submissive women are and always will be attracted to dominant type men, know how to spot them and how to make sure they are spotted by them.

But here's the kicker - a lot of these women are unstable. Don't stick your dick in crazy right? Well, what about don't slap crazy in the face or leave bruises on her arms, ass, thighs and calves? Right. So, for all you guys who enjoy a bit of dominance and sadism, or are interested in kink at all, here's some basic shit I picked up along the way.

  1. Kinky chicks are, on the whole, more unsatisfied with their sexual encounters than their vanilla counterparts. The ones that are not are usually very experienced sexually and know how to sniff out fakes like you wouldn't believe. Imagine yourself wanting to be manhandled, spanked, tied up and called a whore - only to have 5-10 years worth of guys treating you like a precious little princess. You will be shit tested, constantly. It's part of the fun.

  2. Consent is fucking huge for kink. It's different too. Normal chicks don't like being around awkward guys right? Well, when you are dealing with a woman who KNOWS she wants a man to take control, don't hesitate for a second. If you do not know how to read body language, tone of voice and what does or does not pass for consent then don't even bother. The kink community already has a set of protocols in place for play, and asking what a woman's safe word is can be just as good of an opener as any. One of my favorites to use is "Please tell me you aren't the kind of girl that uses NO! as a safeword".

  3. There is a fine line between being kinky and enjoying kink. This past year, I was averaging about 5 f-closes a month and found one amazing woman I wanted to build a relationship with. More than half of these girls I met in the kink scene, but literally all of them enjoyed being spanked and having their hair pulled at LEAST. Whatever the reasons may be, women are attracted to dominant men. Which leads me to...

  4. Kinky women talk to each other just like normal women. Normal women are real slutty when it comes to talking about sex with each other - they spare very little in detail. Kinky chicks are much more... well they have nothing to hide from eachother. I got women based purely on other women telling their friends to ask me for XYZ. By demonstrating value through quality beating/fucking/being respectful, I literally had to turn girls down for a while there, just didn't have the time. Stay true to yourself, be honest/upfront and don't be an asshole, they will come to you!

  5. Have no shame about who you are and what you want. Communicate with everybody. Each town has a scene, each one has people looking for other people that will fit them. When people like and respect you, they can point others in your direction. If they don't, they will bad mouth you. Just like everywhere else. With the kink community though, sexuality is a bit more open, literally and metaphorically. If you are new, say so.

  6. When it comes to the idea of outcome independence, I would also add another layer to this - you have to be willing to walk away. The last thing anybody wants is to find out you stuck your dick in crazy after the fact. That's when you have to make a choice - is getting your rocks off more important than your reputation? Because that is what is at stake every time you play with somebody. If you are concerned about a persons behaviour, or how they respond to something you did (as in a major overreaction) you should not continue if you have any doubt or concern. Some people disagree with me on this point, but it is my opinion that we as men should not contribute to the suffering of others, even unintentionally.

My closing statement here is this - kink and BDSM are pretty much just like normal relationships and the finding of those relationships. There is a slightly different culture and scene involved, certainly much more poly type people, but at the end of the day all of the same ideas regarding seduction are just as valid. If anything, it's a little bit easier with kinky women because they are more upfront about their sexuality and desires. This in turn, has caused them to be exposed to a lot more direct approaches for sex, and a lot of these guys in the kink scene are, sadly, AFC's. So if any of you vanilla guys think that kinky girls are ripe for the picking, well, I wish you the best. I'll be here to explain why you didn't get anywhere ;)

I welcome any questions or comments regarding seduction, kink and BDSM you all may have. I will post more specific stuff in the future as well, assuming anyone is interested in the nuances involved. Thanks for reading!