Nothing to say during the date?

Jake_STi-RA · 2013-07-16T04:57:44+00:00

I should be asking too, how has your social life been? Have you had any hardships lately that might indirectly interfere with your socializing skills? When you say you're boring, what do you mean by that? Tell me more about your hobbies. I want to know what you do outside your work/school.

And yes, what VMikeL said, how is your physical health?

This is really an open ended question that may or may not be easily answered by a doctor. It's difficult to tell from this post.

In reality, if you're comfortable around someone (and if that person is too), you'll have NO problem talking on a date. I find when I'm the most comfortable, at my physical energy peak, and had a nice meal in me, I can talk about nearly anything, just like how I'm typing here on the internet; no pauses whatsoever. It's because I engage in conversation by maintaining attention to whomever is speaking, because I am INTERESTED in people. That's key to me. If I'm genuinely interested and listen, that's all I need for my 'inner game.' Yes more flirting is required, but being genuinely interested consists I would say 70-80% of the 'inner game.'

I remember I was in a rut and I wasn't comfortable around people. I was rejected many times this year, heart broken many times, and my social skills crumbled because I was afraid it was ME that was making people reject me. I've been convincing myself and realising that it has not a lot to do with who I am (though I've been learning to evolve from the 'nice guy' a lot). Once I began reading more articles, getting out more, and watching more videos, I've been able to convince myself that if I'm comfortable and project an aura of high energy, people will not find me boring. This is me who studies chemistry for school (and fun), works on cars, and other stuff an AFC might find 'boring.'

I'm going to tell you though, that you need to know only three words to build on your philosophy that you should stick by ALWAYS: "I am enough." Okay, say it out loud like you mean it, then say it to yourself. You are enough because you don't need someone's outside approval and opinion to tell you that you aren't or are 'boring.'

Whoooo.. Large story for such a small thread, but I was feeling a bit motivational and philosophical tonight.

daftpunkfunk · 2013-07-16T07:09:55+00:00

A lot of people think it's bullshit, but it works for me. Try NoFap. Maybe it is placebo, but I find abstaining from masturbation helps with social anxiety when I'm at school.

RedditorInvestor · 2013-07-16T19:57:50+00:00

Develop what is called the "Million Dollar Mouthpiece." Learn to say whatever comes to mind. Do you think the alpha male cares what he says? No, because he knows he can get laid pretty much whenever he wants and doesn't put a girl/his friends on a pedestal and is completely comfortable. Most people set a bar on what they think is "good enough to say," then they hesitate, and say "no, it's not good enough to say; she's too hot." Then they hesitate some more and get inside their head. What you need to do is lower that bar and say whatever comes to mind because EVERYTHING you think of is good enough. Don't put the girl/your friends on a pedestal because ultimately it will fuck you up in the end. You already know EXACTLY what to say. As far as material, talk about whatever is interesting to you and put the energy behind it. By the law of state-transference, she/they will feel what you feel, regardless of whatever you're talking about.

nittutt · 2013-07-16T11:21:47+00:00

Saying nothing when you have nothing to say is not a problem.

Most people say something when they have nothing to say, that is the problem.

deathray_dj · 2013-07-16T16:50:11+00:00

Get interests, read books

pacg · 2013-07-16T10:34:06+00:00

There are times when you just don't have anything to say. I'd take it as a sign that it's time to recharge your batteries, read a book, take a walk, you know, spend some quality alone time. I can be a chatterbox, but there are some times when I'm just really not in the mood, or I simply have nothing I wish to say or talk about.

The thing is, we expect ourselves to be consistent all the damn time, to be one way all the time. But that's not how life operates. Sometimes we're at a high, other times at a low, and most of the time somewhere in between. Right now you might be at a low. So don't worry about it. As I wrote, take some time off from all the strain of being the coolest guy in the room. There's no need to force it. If you want to force it then that's your privilege. But I'd again recommend you just ease up for a week or two. No one's keeping score.

Besides, when you get back into doing your usual socializing, you'll have gathered two weeks of material. Most of it gathered through introspection which means it should be pretty deep and compelling. You can even talk about how you started to clam up and spin it so it's comedic and tragic. Hell, I do that. People are interested in deeper subjects anyway. And women are always interested in the psychology of the human condition.

Look, you're not going to turn into an introvert any time soon. You're past all that. You've got the skills. You've developed them over time. And yes you'll get a little rusty, but you'll be able to recover in short order.

And if that fails, just play a game with your date and try to make up dialogue for the people around you, like at a restaurant. Women love games.

VMikeL · 2013-07-16T04:36:58+00:00

Check your health first, are you sleeping and eating enough? If that isn't the issue then it's because you probably aren't listening. The reason people who can have infinite conversations (like me), can have them, is because they are comfortable, and listen. People will give you the world if you let them, and that is all you need to ask the next question, and say the next thing.

Other tips involve talking about topics they like, topics they're passionate about, and topics that are recent.

Cametaugo · 2013-07-16T05:52:29+00:00

Sorry bout the delayed reply. I feel like i run out things I talk about after the 3rd date. Physically wise I'm great. Sometimes Ill take out girls who I know won't stop taking just so I don't feel like there is dead silence. A couple examples; I have my ex co worker after like 10mins of taking I don't have any questions to ask. And to fill that void I just Order drinks. I've always been paranoid or not having enough to say but this year it's been horrible.

Catmanly · 2013-07-16T13:21:06+00:00

Maybe its just the women lately? I had a very terrible date where I ran out of stuff to say and we both felt awkward and looked at the time for way too long. Next week, I bring a different girl (that I'm more interested in) to the exact same place and the conversation flows perfectly.

Don't assume the problem is always you. Could just be a string of boring/incompatible women. I find when I'm with a woman I'm really attracted to, her presence energizes me like a drug and I can go on and on, where normally I would be more quiet.

Kidcurry · 2013-07-16T13:39:58+00:00

This is an inner game problem. You aren't comfortable with yourself. Awkward silences shouldn't be awkward for you. You are just waiting for the girl to invest in the convo. I just stare at the girl during awkward silences. Don't stare creepily but use your eyes to let her know you're waiting for her to speak. Believe that everything you have to say is fucking awesome. It may just be boring shit but when the girl sees you're enthusiastic about it she will want to engage in that conversation because she wants to be a part of that high energy state.

Also check askReddit and TIL for some interesting questions and topics to discuss.

wtk · 2013-07-16T14:23:07+00:00

I had similar thoughts recently. Maybe we ask girls out too early without being really interested in them?

idontcontributemuch · 2013-07-17T02:20:09+00:00

Coincidentally, I just posted this which might help: http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1igida/how_to_always_have_something_to_talk_about_when/

Title	Nothing to say during the date?
Author	Cametaugo
Upvotes	27
Comments	20
Date	July 16, 2013 3:53 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ie228/nothing_to_say_during_the_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/nothing-to-say-during-the-date.1355522 https://theredarchive.com/post/1355522

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