This is going to be a bit of advice as well as me just venting my frustrations out to you guys. I’m using a new account since I’m genuinely sort of ashamed of this and my gf knows about my other account.

A year and a half or so back, I had been an avid user of this sub. I lived for it. Considering myself a pretty nerdy, average looking guy, I wasn’t getting much action. And I was desperate. So, I started following this sub and paying attention to what people advised. And of course, there were the approaches. People said to start of with girls you’re not necessarily attracted to in order to get over any social anxiety, and so I did just that. I went after “3s and 4s”. Not going to lie, at first I was taken aback. This sub seemed so superficial, but I was so desperate to just have any contact with any woman. So nonetheless, I started going out often, trying to approach girls.

Of course I didn’t have much luck the first few days. Me being the nervous guy I am, I felt like even to “3s and 4s” I was going to be humiliated. But sure enough, I started getting over these nerves. Around a week or two into using this advice, I actually started successfully approaching women. And then another week in, I started asking them for numbers.

Here’s where we hit a bump in the road. I was still in my “practice period” at this time. I was explicitly going for girls that I was not attracted to at all. So 3 weeks in, I approach a girl in line at a cafe who I deemed at the time to be around a 4. I successfully got her number, and I actually got a FOLLOW UP from her. So here I am, in what I consider to be my practice period, about to go on a date with a woman for the first time in what seemed like forever. Nonetheless a woman I cold approached. It didn’t matter to me how unattractive she was, the game was on my mind.

Now here’s the catch: that same girl is my current girlfriend of about a year and a half. And I’m in love. You need to understand, she was charming beyond belief. And she was funny. And she was into gaming, and Star Wars, and everything that I was into. And she was musically talented. And just a few dates (and many texts/calls) in I realized she was perfect. You ever love someone so much that even their flaws become perfection in your eyes? That you want to learn more of their flaws, even, cause they make them that much more appealing to you? And their flaws barely match up to their achievements anyways? Yeah, I’ve got it bad. There’s not a doubt in my mind she’s the one. She’s caring, respectful, not afraid to compromise, everything you could ever want in a woman. She became the most attractive woman in the world to me. Even my friends always ask where I found her, that they’re jealous (though they know exactly where, and I’ll get to that later).

So here’s the thing. Now I need to live with this forever crushing guilt that I saw her as nothing but a fucking stepping stone. And it’s an incredible guilt to live with. I saw her as nothing but a “4” that I was going to use until I was able to pick up and lay the “hot chicks”. Obviously now she’s the only 10 in my eyes. But still. How do you live with that? When we’re in bed together, and she says it was love at first sight. How the fuck am I supposed to tell her she was a “practice round” for me? And those same friends that are jealous now, were the ones that told me that even I could do better than her. Not cause they’re dicks, but cause I originally showed them her pictures in a way that’s like “Hey look at this chick. She’s only my first one, and soon I’ll be with girls that are on Megan Fox levels”, and they understandably replied with shit like “Oh yeah for sure man, can’t wait till you ‘upgrade’”.

So yeah. Now I just feel like a dick. And I wish I could go back and tell that douchebag of a guy not to use my gf as practice, cause she doesn’t deserve that. But now I need to carry this with me, through our engagement, through marriage, and to the grave. And I know what you’re gonna say. “Just tell her, it’ll be like a weight lifted off your chest”. And on one hand I don’t wanna tell her for selfish reasons, like I don’t want the relationship to end over it (though I doubt she’d actually do it, it’s still scary). I also don’t want to do that to her. Imagine how much that would fuck up your self confidence. I mean, the person you’ve been in a loving relationship with for almost 2 years, turning around and saying you were nothing but practice for them at first cause physically you were a 4 or some shit. I can’t do that.

Anyways, TLDR: Think twice with that whole “practice on girls you don’t find attractive” thing and rating girls, cause it might come back to bite you in the ass. Just cause you don’t think they’re hot at first doesn’t mean they have nothing to offer. And also, not objects. Been in a relationship for nearly two years with my “practice girl”, and it haunts me everyday what I once saw her as.

PS: Not sure if I chose the right flair, please let me know if it should be changed.