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You can't help but notice that attractive woman across the room as she gracefully walks around the room. She's got you captivated with her every move. Her body is like a masterpiece that all other women should aspire to model themselves after, and you find yourself repeatedly looking at her and thinking about what it would be like to approach and talk to this beautiful creature. What would it be like to be with such a woman? And yet, you cannot get yourself to approach and talk to her.

Instead of feeling excited for this opportunity to meet this beautiful creature, your stomach starts to knot, your temperature rises, and your face turns red. Next, you look around the room to gauge your competition i.e. other guys, and as usual you give yourself a low score -where are all the ugly guys when we need them! So you brush the whole thing off to calm yourself down and go back to your default state. This must not be the right night. Next time will be better, right.

So why is it that you can't approach this creature?

The reason is quite simple.

It’s because you do not value yourself highly enough to think that she’d be interested in anything you had to say or do.

Even worse than that, what if she actually liked you, what would we do then!

You don't believe it's a value problem?

Let’s take the same bar example from above but let's switch characters a bit: Let's switch the beautiful creature with an average chick with cross-eyes and bad teeth. And you stay you.

So, how do you feel now? Does she make you feel nervous at all? Mind you she’s 99.999% identical to the beautiful one.

So what changed?

What changed is your perceived value. What changed is that you now believe your value to be higher than hers.

When you feel like your words or actions aren't worth anything, it's hard to put yourself out there. And when you fear that your words or actions will not measure up, and that the other person might judge you for what you say or do, communication becomes impossible.

Let’s take the bar example one more step.

Let’s say that the average looking woman casually started chatting with you. You’re not sure how she approached you or what she said but she’s standing next to you and you’re both talking.

Your time could be better spent with the other hotties but you go along for a few minutes. After all, she made the effort to come talk to you. Quickly 5 minutes go by and boy she’s so easy to talk to and witty and funny. She has a great delivery of stories and things to say.

Now tell me, has her value increased? You bet it has. But how? She had low value a few minutes ago... what happened?

So what does this all mean, really

It simply means that value is set by the Giver( avg girl) not the Receiver(you). The receiver(you) simply takes the value the giver(avg girl) gives you.

Now here is the fun part.

Take this example and switch characters one more time.

So this time, replace the below-average chick with you, and replace you with the beautiful creature, and replay out the clip. See the difference?

So, value yourself and everyone else will.

Cheers