seddit, I'm scared.

fcdnl · 2011-01-24T18:19:23+00:00

I'm actually a pretty social guy. I'll make moon eyes at a girl if she's cute, and a lot of the time I get 'em back. But shit, where to go from there?

That's not being social. Also sets of troll alarms.

You don't need help picking up women (yet). Make eye contact with strangers, smile at women. Talk to everyone, especially men. When you are comfortable in a bar search for 'style challenge' to help get started. And see the side bar.

yokhai · 2011-01-24T22:03:31+00:00

So are you looking to meet women anywhere, or are you trying to get over your fear of bars and actually go in them? Cause we can talk about day game all day long, but if you just want help getting use to bars and clubs, that a different monster all together.

It is not creepy to go to a bar after class solo just for a drink, just don't be surprised if there are no women there (i'm not saying there won't be, just don't be surprised if its sparser during the day). This is also the best time to get rapport with the bartender, around 6 or 7, most college bars are practically empty.

You can sit there and talk to the bartenders, get to know the people who work there will be your biggest stepping stone. This will break down your anxiety later when you can just go up and know someone who you can talk to.

Next step, drawing dinosaurs. This is legit way to interact with people. You see two girls next to you who are just sitting around drinking, draw something fun in your glass and go "Hey, can you guess what this is? I'm thinking its a bunny" and show it to them. Things like this are great openers, especially during non peak hours.

Once you get comfortable being at the bar during the day, show up around 9 or so and get a seat at the table. By now you should know a few people who work there, hell you can even tell one about your anxiety, they will probably help out.

Then you just sit there and sip on a drink, talking with the bartender, as the place fills up. I would advise for this stage, don't get too drunk. You want to experience this sober. Before you know it, it's 11 and the place is hopping. This is where i will test you, tell the barman/woman you are going to "make a lap" and to save your seat if they don't mind. (see where getting to know them comes in handy) Now you get up and walk around the bar. Just to get a feel for the space and take a mental note of any physical situations that make you nervous or uncomfortable.

Go back to your stool and analyze what you just experienced. If your barman is not busy, ask his opinion or advice. Bartenders have seen and heard it all, they are a treasure trove of knowledge and experience when it comes to social interaction.

I'd say do this a few weekends in a row. Show up right before the rush and stay until 1 or so. Then you can move into going to this bar at rush hour, walking right into the lion's den. Your new goal is to NOT go and immediately get a seat or talk to your bartender. You are now trying to see how long you can maintain while hanging out in the middle of chaos. It's almost like holding your breath. You want to see how long you can hold out before you start to get nervous or anxious, at that point go talk to a familiar face.

Soon you should be able to do this long enough to open a set or two. Then bam, you now have a favorite, go-to, bar where you feel right at home. This will sky rocket your frame and DHV in this bar. You will be king, high-fiving bartenders, joking with the bouncers, and the bigger personality you bring here, the more people will notice.

Now you should have all the tools to just walk right into another bar, over tip the bartender, make a few insider friends and run another place.

Good luck. If you need any other advice or follow ups, you can leave them here or PM me.

SecksualChocolate · 2011-01-24T19:52:27+00:00

The first thing you should do is read the links in the sidebar. -->

But here's a nutshell guide:

Work on the 'soft skills' first. Maintain good posture, work on a strong and even voice when you speak, and keep eye contact with people when you talk to them.

Next, talk to EVERYONE. Get comfortable talking to men and women. Don't worry about getting numbers for now. Just practice talking to complete strangers while working on your soft skills. When you run out of things to say, you can just thank them for the conversation and leave.

As you do this you'll make new friends, and build social proof. Maybe you meet some 'going out' friends you can meet for drinks or clubbing.

And obviously, read the material, study, and get better. But more importantly get out there and APPLY what you learn.

unsexyMF · 2011-01-24T18:04:10+00:00

Just start with simple stuff. If you make eye contact with a girl at a bar, walk over to her. Don't hesitate too much, just go! It's okay if you're nervous, you can even tell her, "I think you're cute, but I'm nervous." Just start going up to girls and, over time, it'll get easier. I still get a little nervous from time to time, but I remember how overwhelming bars were when I started out. And there's no shame in going to a bar by yourself.

If you're wondering what to talk about, just ask her questions about herself. While she's talking, that gives you a great opportunity to be flirty with eye contact & kino. Don't be ashamed to run out of stuff to say.

afcanonymous · 2011-01-24T20:14:49+00:00

Let's work through this. Tell me what frightens you? Write it down as a reply to this comment, in bullet points.

It's unnatural for me to be in a dimly lit place packed with strangers

Is it the dim lighting? Is it the density of strangers? Is it the strangers?

Let's assume it's the strangers. What upsets you about strangers?

Write it down. It's easier to reason your way through this if you write it down.

RedErin · 2011-01-24T21:16:50+00:00

You've come to the right place. After a lot of studying and doing some missions you'll be a whole new man.

thefudgeman · 2011-01-24T20:55:30+00:00

Day game and online game are your friends. Solo night game takes a lot of confidence to pull off and it doesn't sound like you're quite there yet - I'm definitely not either.

DJ_Deathflea · 2011-01-24T21:22:35+00:00

Is it creepy to go solo to the bar for a drink after class? Any advice? Anything to help the unease of being there awkwardly drawing dinosaurs into the condensation on my glass?

It isn't creepy at all to go to a bar by yourself. I go all the time to my little neighborhood bar. I bring a book or maybe my computer. I like to sit and drink a beer by myself. This isn't the best way to meet people, as usually only really drunk or rude people will bother while you're reading a book. But you can always just do this for a minute until you get comfortable going to places by yourself. Eventually, ditch the book and start conversations.

Lanko · 2011-01-25T01:29:50+00:00

Get your toes wet by talking to strangers. Not necessarily in bars and not necessarily hot girls. Anybody, and everybody. Talk to the guy sitting next to you on the bus, or at a coffee shop. The very first step is to get used to starting a conversation with a stranger. Also, pay attention to the people who talk to you. If someone strikes up a conversation with you, or you catch someone starting a conversation with someone else, listen in. Just long enough to hear how they got the ball rolling.

Title	seddit, I'm scared.
Author	sahartma
Upvotes	0
Comments	15
Date	January 24, 2011 5:52 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/f86li/seddit_im_scared/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/seddit-im-scared.1291518 https://theredarchive.com/post/1291518

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