“Which version of myself would girls like more: the one with self control, self love, joy, peace etc. or the one who has no impulse control, self conscious, undisciplined?”

“What skills can I practice and what parts of my personality can I improve to attract more people into my life?”

“How can I appear more charismatic and confident to others?”

If you’re anything like me, you might find yourself asking this kind of question often. I was asking these types of questions for so long that I had no idea there was a whole different way I could be thinking, a whole different story I could be telling about my life, and a completely new way to view all my interactions with women.

After a very personal and impactful first-time psylosibin trip, I unlocked some key principles I’ve started to live by and my life has already improved dramatically.

1. Use your warmth.

Think about the way you act with your very best friends, and how it’s way different than if you were meeting a bunch of strangers. Ask yourself, what about you is different in those scenarios?

I learned to identify and summon up the emotion of being the most likeable, enjoyable, EXTREMELY WARM person, and through implementing it, I’ve become it. The feeling is that excited feeling coming from the base of my spine to my head, the feeling I get when I get to hang out with my BEST friends. It’s like a deep energy that has no where to go but bubble out. Why wasn’t I acting that way in front of strangers? It’s simple.

I was acting under a self imposed illusion that being myself wouldn’t be enough. It was a combination of spotlight effect and fear of rejection that led me to believe I had to adapt my natural behavior to fit the expectations of others, when in reality, people tend to like personalities that are genuine. Whenever I’ve met a really genuine person in my life, I’ve felt like I’ve been given instant permission to also show them my true personality.

Every day when I go into work or a social setting, I consciously focus on the excitement feeling in my body that I’d get while I’m about to hang out with my favorite person, and then bring that energy to people I’m not even close with.

2. Recognize the shadow

What assumptions are you making about people as a whole? For me, I assumed that they were looking for something else. I assumed I’d have to work for their validation. If I acted wrong or messed up, I’d be rejected.

These were all projections! I was the one who felt those things to myself. I was working for my own validation and was carefully watching myself to see if I messed up, and if I did, I’d totally reject myself. Once I embraced myself for who I am and loved myself, suddenly everyone around me also (in my mind) fully embraced me and loved me for who I am. Isn’t that crazy?? Imagine walking around feeling like you can be yourself and everyone would fucking LOVE that!

I’m not sure if you even need to truly love yourself before you can do this, and you might even grow to love yourself through implementing this mentality: I am the most likeable person I could possibly be, everyone fucking loves me and I’m a really cool, warm guy. People feel at ease and comfortable around me.

What do you lose by thinking this way? Even if it’s not currently true, do you think you’d act better in the insecure, hesitant mentality? I’ve found that I’m way more confident assuming that I have every right to be!

3. Social Generosity

This was key in destroying my spotlight, and it ties into my other points. Developing control over that warm energy inside me and elevating it before social events led me to realize that we’re drawn to people who make us feel a certain way, not to the people who always say the right thing. This took SO much pressure off me. Now I don’t need to worry about what I say to a girl, but I can simply focus on making them feel comfortable, special, and at total ease.

The way I’d describe this new lifestyle of trying to make others feel comfortable and assume that I don’t need to act a certain way is I’m way more socially aggressive. I don’t give a fuck what I say, I self censor way less and I look at an “awkward small talk convo” as a chance to pick up the burden the other person feels, make conversation with forceful confidence and relieve them of the tension of carrying conversational burden. Idk if that makes sense. But if a super super bubbly girl comes over to me, starts confidently asking me questions and saying whatever pops into her mind, that’s so attractive to me and it’s the opposite of passive.

Confidence comes from letting go of others opinions of me and enjoying life to the fullest. I get to choose who’s in my life, I don’t have to take what I can get. I hope this made sense, it was a bit of a journal entry just collecting my thoughts from the last couple weeks so I hope my inner thoughts could help someone out there.