Struggling with Approaching

norwegiandoggo · 2026-07-08T18:59:32+00:00

Your problem is approach anxiety. Here are some ways to improve that:

- Start smaller. Like just talking to strangers in general, commenting on what someone is wearing, or asking for directions or local tips. Get comfortable with that before trying something more scary.

- You can mentally practice approaching and coming up with openers with your eyes closed at home. Practice breathing slow and deep, and relaxing your muscles so that you get used to imagining that scenario but without getting the stress response.

- As you walk around in real life and spot women, also mentally imagine talking to her, and coming up with something to say. And again, keep your breathing calm and your muscles relaxed as you picture yourself doing this.

- Try to adopt a "IDGAF" attitude. Like, be okay with seeming creepy, weirding women out, or straight up offending them. Stop caring so much about what people think about you. And realize that in a big city you have the anonymity of the crowd to take advantage of. If you happen to be from a small town where everyone knows you - travel to other cities or countries where your anonymity will largely be ensured.

Independent-Bad218 · 2026-07-08T19:00:04+00:00

Here is the inner game broken down. But the reality of things is that you must plow on for your first 100-200 approaches. Then you can slowly engage with what is called “Game”.

Note that this is universal for everyone. Cold approaching is not “natural” human behaviour and perfect confidence also is not universal trait (probably non existant). And after you get over the hurdle of being present in the approach you have to engage with attraction and escalation.

It is a harsh learning curve but well worth it.

rayrayrayray · 2026-07-08T19:03:47+00:00

Veteran PUA here. It's all in your mind. You can talk to women easily - but fear rejection. Approach without the goal of asking a woman out, but her opinion on something. Start off smaller. Have some questions ready so you're not wondering what to say.

Practice until you're not scared any longer.

Special_Rice9539 · 2026-07-10T00:36:55+00:00

My two cents is you have approach anxiety because of multiple factors. Fear of retaliation and guilt about bothering someone. However, you would not be afraid to talk to them if you were offering them a million dollars.

So you need to sort it out in your head that you’re valuable and the girls will be happy to get to know you. Guys feel like if they aren’t good looking or rich then they have nothing to offer. But the reality is you can offer value in your specific niche. It can be anything. Being funny, being really relaxed, being really ambitious, having intellectual conversations, having a cause your really care about, being really dramatic and interesting.

Yes you’re going to want to “close,” but it needs to come from a mutually beneficial place where she wants it more than you, so your first priority should be to go up to people and make them happier (I know it sounds cheesy, but that bypasses the anxiety)

Then in the approach itself, you need to focus on trying to make it fun and interesting for them, so you feel like you’re adding to their time. It’s not a million dollars, but they’ll be glad you said hi.

Domingo_salut · 2026-07-10T03:16:43+00:00

Start small, then when small feels confortable, try being bold. I finally got my first very direct approaches this past week and it feels good. Nothing bad happens if you dont go to fast.

tyrwlive · 2026-07-08T19:28:06+00:00

When you see rejection as simply information, it becomes a brand new game

epimpstyle · 2026-07-08T20:02:30+00:00

Look at old people, they start conversations with anyone so easily. You need to be just like them. They have zero ego left to protect and they don't care about being judged. They just make a comment about the weather, a long line, or something random, and boom they're in a conversation.

Why are you afraid of talking to a girl? She’s just a girl, a smaller, weaker human being than you. Why have nerves? Are you afraid she might beat you up and rob you? You are bigger and more built than her, very low chances. Then are you afraid she might want to hook up behind the corner? You wish! Then are you afraid maybe she falls in love with you? Well, that's exactly what you're looking for and what you'd want, so what could it be? Maybe... the opposite? Meaning you talk to her and maybe she rejects you? Then what happens? Your ego suffers, but doesn't that mean you're giving yourself too much importance? Put your personal pride aside, come back down to earth, be like an elderly man who has zero ego left to protect... and everything changes.

at the same time I want plenty of options so that I’m not dependent on one girl.

You don't actually need to have 100 girlfriends; you just need to behave like you do. This is ABUNDANCE MENTALITY it’s not about reality, it’s about your attitude.

I would like to get to a point where I feel like I can approach a girl easily and ask her out.

Relax, until you actually get to that point, it’s going to take about 10 - 15 minutes... so stop thinking about the end. Instead, think about what the hell you’re going to do during those first 30 seconds.

WaffleDogIsCool · 2026-07-08T20:08:31+00:00

I enjoy complimenting small things or just saying “i was just over here and thought you were beautiful, is there any chance I can get your number?” and usually if the other person doesnt line up being able to hold an actual conversation with a stranger they usually sort themselves out (reasons to not give number/just awkward situations) but this is more for the guy that just wants to talk to girls versus do more, doing more is an entirely different story

Eewaa · 2026-07-08T20:28:38+00:00

Yeah no, I get you. That IS my fear though. That someone passing will think like “can’t believe he is asking her out” but I guess i should just get over that.

So would you recon if the girl doesn’t look to busy it would be fine to approach a girl walking down the street? Or am I still caring too much?

confused_8357 · 2026-07-09T05:31:26+00:00

The only way to not fear rejection is too many rejections and still approaching.

ReindeerFun3762 · 2026-07-10T06:50:02+00:00

If you can convince a girl to go out with a cup of coffee for you you may as well marry her. A lot of women see that as low investment now and want to go to dinner on the first date AND have a man pay for it

BrainEuphoria · 2026-07-08T18:54:39+00:00

Yall need jobs fr.

You can’t be not interested in sleeping around while at the same time having multiple options. Essentially what you meant there was that you want to have the illusion of options while having none.

Title	Struggling with Approaching
Author	Eewaa
Upvotes	2
Comments	32
Date	July 8, 2026 6:47 PM UTC (2 weeks ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ur1rw1/struggling_with_approaching/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/struggling-with-approaching.1584559 https://theredarchive.com/post/1584559

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