The 3 Fears

Open

Physical escalation

Sexual Escalation

(Credit 60 years of Challenge – AMAZING ebook highly recommended)

I have just learned about these concepts, but the results are mind blowing for improving game and recognizing sticking points. All of these fears are just invisible barriers, and once you push through them, you’ll wonder why you didn’t act this way to begin with.

Opening – Saying the first Words

This is the start of any interaction. Any bar, club, house party, Starbucks, or any place “in field”. While you can use nonverbal openers (eye contact, gesture, or physical touch), you are most likely going to have to say something. If you don’t open your mouth, it is very likely she will do it for you. This is a major sticking point for the majority of people PUA or AFC. On a bad night, you can get stuck in this FEAR all night, only to wallflower. However, eventually might open your mouth and say “Hi” and attempt a conversation. Repeat several times (social momentum) and you’ll learn that opening isn’t really a big fear to have: If it goes “badly”, 80% of the time the person doesn’t say a single thing (maybe a few short responses)! You then spend the rest of your night easily saying anything that pops into your head when people pass by you

Physical Escalation - Touch and Caress

So now you’ve started talking to people. Maybe your friends, social circle, or a random stranger. However, maybe you are several feet apart, gesturing with your hands in the general area. What you need to do is CLOSE THE DISTANCE and TOUCH (light social touches with your hand on their triceps/back of hand). The quicker you break the touch barrier, the better! I suggest breaking the touch barrier during the opening. As a result, your touch/physical presence is natural and accepted. Delay physical escalation, and the fear of breaking this glass barrier builds. When you don’t touch, the interaction is going to fail, or at best, you’ll get another platonic friend. Furthermore, with touch, you must push to the “It’s On Moment”. This is when you non-verbally communicate that you “like” each other. Mutual caressing (hand rubbing/neck shoulder rub) or a first kiss is a great way to express this (even if they don’t rub back, if they allow you to do it, you’re probably good to go. But don’t become their massage therapist!).

Sexual Escalation - Kiss/Fondle/Fuck

Now know that you like each other and physical touching is easy (you have no fear about holding their hand during a conversation, rubbing lower back), standing face to face with your bodies completely touching , you MUST MAKE IT SEXUAL. All these other physical touches were either social or affectionate. Don’t let your new enjoyment of being affectionate together cloud the fact that you are SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO THEM. This is a good time to pause some of those lovey dovey feelings and look at them BELOW THE NECK (breasts, waist/hips, ass, hell maybe feet). It’s easy to become complacent with the physical affection stage and not progress to your sexual urges. Stay at this stage too long, and you risk of them losing attraction for you because you didn’t “make a move”. Now that you are focused on them sexually, perhaps you are getting an erection (and maybe they are getting wet as well). Starting to feel the wood in your pants? THIS IS THE TIME TO ACT. Do a sexual kiss/bite on the neck. If you are out in field, grab their ass sexually. As 60 years of Challenge says, “Asses are like boobs you can play with in public”.

Last night, I saw my sexual escalation window open, was afraid to grab it, and sure enough, the attraction died shortly afterwards (this has been my recent sticking point, and JUST NOW I’ve identified it). Next time you go out, recognize that you are experiencing these sticking point fears. Push past them, or you will forever stay at these respective stages. Which stage are you stuck at?

TL;DL All of us experience the fear of opening, physically escalating, and sexually escalating. Embrace the fear and face it as soon as possible. It gets easier!