Trapped in negative thoughts, sex problems, unconnected with my masculinity. This guy needs help.

Krypt0_Knight · 2012-09-22T16:36:45+00:00

Instead of getting more advice and trying to build in your internal library of PUA knowledge, what you need is actual experience. More PUA knowledge won't help you if you can't execute. There's a difference between simply knowing a theory and actually applying said theory. Stop looking for tips, and get some real experience. If you've been reading PUA literature for the past summer, then you already have the knowledge. Go out there and get some experience.

Not seeing her is not an option? BULLSHIT. There are girls everywhere. Don't look for reasons to not cold approach. No excuses.

There's no such thing as "failure", because if you "fail", it means you at least put yourself out there and you can learn from your mistakes. Failure only happens when you don't try.

Talk to other girls. Shit fucking happens, homie. Humans have survived through famine, genocide, ethnic cleansing, drought, natural disasters, and mass extinctions. You'll survive this. Don't feel sorry for yourself. Everyone has problems, except at least you have food, water, your health, and a roof.

You have a big penis. I can tell because you're trying to improve yourself, something that most people never even think of. Use your dick. I know you can fucking do it.

Canei · 2012-09-22T18:21:41+00:00

You're the dude from other post. This too shall pass.

If it helps, I can sense that you're a smart and good guy, but that's not going to be enough, is it? In fact, nothing anyone says here is going to be enough. No one on seddit is going to or even can fix you. We can only point you in the right direction.

The bad news is you're going to feel sadness and insecurity at times in life. Maybe you always have, and hopelessness is a shitty feeling.

The good news, and this is the best possible news, is that WHO YOU ARE in the FUTURE is WHO YOU DECIDE TO BE! If you really want to change, you have the tools. You have seddit, you have r/getmotivated, and most important you have yourself. Your self hating "bad with the ladies" thinking brain is capable of being rewired, but first, wiggle your big toe. Find that ounce of strength needed to escape your Bane pit of self loathing by jumping because you want to live. You think you're inferior to others, but it's an illusion. In this community, a lot of the most successful guys once thought like that.

My advice: If this feeling is unbearable, go to the bookstore immediately after reading this comment, and pick up a copy of "A New Earth" or "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. There was a recent seddit post about Eckhart Tolle, and his stuff is so powerful.

Right now your head is filled with counterproductive and dangerous thoughts. Reading this book is your best tool for making them go away as quickly as possible. This won't just help with women either, it will transform the way you are. Some people dismiss it as new age, but it isn't. If it was, sedditors wouldn't have upvoted it.

You're too smart not to listen to my advice. Get these books, read them immediately, live.

Godseyall · 2012-09-22T16:56:18+00:00

I don't know if this will be accepted on this thread, but organize your life in a way where girls are importent, but not number one. Have a hobby or a passion that is placed above girls.

For example, I love reading and writing philosophy. My mind is often on these subjects. I'm an average looking guy, and I've always got a few girls to choose from, nothing insane, but girls I know would go out or have sex with me on a given weekend.

I'm adamant it is because they realize I have goals and aspirations beyond them. Now, it helps to be open with your insecurities in a relaxed way. Make a joke at your virginity when it can be inserted smoothly. Accept that part of you, and when you get to that moment you fear, whoever the girl is, will be aware and understanding.

For a little perspective on you feeling bad. Add a little perspective. You've got all the equipment needed, some don't. You're in college, have access to the internet, and live in the most exciting age in recorded history.

Hope this rambling helped. Good luck man.

skgoa · 2012-09-22T18:07:18+00:00

So you had a misserable and embarassing first time? I'm going to tell you a big secret: so does almost everyone. What you should be taking from that is that you survived. It literally can not be worse next time. OK, the girl was a total bitch about it and isn't worth your time but that, too, happens to most of us at some time. What you are experiencing is called "growing up." All of us went through it. What you have to do is simply put it behind you and go on improving your life. Oh and try to get together with a nicer girl next time, she will be understanding. And if you need help not cumming fast, there are condoms and other products on the market that have ejaculation-retarding substances on them. edit: Also, GET MORE GIRLS.

2012-09-22T22:28:10+00:00

Dude, it's not that she didn't respect or appreciate you. You led her on. Here is how. Right after she gets out of a relationship, you move in on her. You guys fool around which eventually leads to "almost sex". Then all of the sudden you are scared and it got extremely awkward when you say you are a virgin. Having sex with a virgin is a big thing man. People may act like it's not, or say its not but it is. Most virgins get really attached after sex even if they don't want to. You came off as that guy by acting the way you did.

dillpiccolol · 2012-09-22T16:51:32+00:00

Like other posters have said, find more girls. There are probably a fair number of chicks who have dated one guy or are virgins themselves. The more quiet ones. Expand your social circle beyond your dorm room (and especially beyond her circle of friends). I wouldn't ignore her, just be casual, but I wouldn't give her much time. Her behavior sounds like she wasn't a very nice person anyway, so I'd forget it. Lesson learned, you'll get past this, don't feel too down on yourself.

TLDR; Join some clubs around campus and just meet new people!

Drafapula · 2012-09-22T15:55:56+00:00

hey man i feel you. Im a virgin collegian as well, but I have never actually been on a date, had my heart broken by 2 girls who I thought I had perfect chemistry with, and I cant even get a chick in the drunken random hookup scene that is college.

Sometimes I just feel hopeless, but thats when I decide to read up on things that interest me professionally, listen to music that pumps me up, lift weights, and try to hold my head up high and continue marching forward. After a few weeks of just hating myself I think i'm going to try and approach this girl in one of my classes who I am really attracted to. I feel like all I need is one good outcome to regain my confidence... just dont know when/if it is ever coming

halcyondoze · 2012-09-22T19:17:40+00:00

YO dude go out and say hi to people, talk to people in grocery store, "HEY, HOW DO YOU KNOW IF THIS BANANA IS RIPE?!" will start funny conversations.

Then go on a run or a jog or something to get some endorphins going on a regular basis. Seems to solve itself when you put positive pieces together :)

2012-09-22T19:46:26+00:00

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m2c · 2012-09-22T21:31:11+00:00

Stop focusing on PUA stuff and focus on yourself now - experience and self-reflection, find what you are excited about, roll on out like you fucking own yourself. Embarrassing shit happens to all of us, hell my first time is a joke to me at this point. You're still young, go kick some ass.

themarts · 2012-09-27T15:52:29+00:00

join a sporting club and socialize and drink and then you will meet women easily

Quais · 2012-09-22T17:38:04+00:00

It's perfectly natural to be nervous or have premature ejaculation. It takes lots of practice to get over all of that and you shouldn't feel shame about it, although it's completely understandable to feel that way. You need to find a nice girl that will take her time with you, where you two will be comfortable with each other.

You have to be patient with yourself, so realize that and then be confident that you'll have better days.

cubicplains · 2012-09-22T18:35:27+00:00

Some good points in this thread, and as for the premature ejaculation look up kegel exercises. Your crotch has muscles just like any other part of your body, learn to control them and not the other way around.

D3Lux · 2012-09-22T15:30:43+00:00

By giving you sincere feedback and actually analyzing your situation, i am merely reinforcing your negative feedback loop.

So i will say this: GET MORE GIRLS.

Provide your brain with the necessary reference experience, that you both can and will meet strange women, seduce them, and fuck them. The rest will follow. The first step is getting out the door.

GET MORE GIRLS, YOU PUSSY.

guybrush_3pwood · 2012-09-22T15:39:33+00:00

Sounds like you would be better served by a LTR, than a fling type of thing. Will give you a chance to be comfortable and gain confidence through practical application.

Messing around with chicks in your dorm can get ugly - be careful. But, if you get yourself involved in one of these situations again, frame it like this: she's there to pleasure you.

Also, sounds like you need to work on relaxing and being comfortable in your own body. This may help with your sexual issues.

squarehouse · 2012-09-22T16:44:52+00:00

No offense to you, OP, but can we have less of these kinds of posts on seddit? People come here because they are going out, looking to approach women. So these people come here and see posts like this...it kind of kills the positive vibe. There should be a separate subreddit for people trying to overcome their insecurities.

The answer is that you don't overcome your insecurities, you just forget about them. OP, you're just in a shitty place right now. Happens to a lot of people, even people who are alphas right now.

You need to learn more about women, that's all. The more you learn, the more you'll come to realize that women aren't the measure of a man. Female attraction is very relative, look at status and preselection as attraction triggers for women. Telling her you're a virgin = negative preselection. That's all that happened. Premature ejaculation is common for men on their first time.

Doesn't matter; had sex. No, she doesn't "respect" or "appreciate" you. Why would she? She realized that you're a beta who has never been with a girl before.

Don't worry about your social circle. You actually have sort of the advantage here. Core PUA virtue is discretion. Don't kiss and tell, or any of that. And she wants others to know even less than you do.

We were fooling around and we decided to have sex but it didn't even get there because of some sexual problems I was having (nervousness about doing it for the first time, premature ejaculation, etc.).

Fuck that. Listen to me OP, you had sex with this woman. Don't get bogged down in technicalities, nobody cares. Bill Clinton had sex with that woman. Guess what...that's masculine. You deserve to be a little cocky about it.

Don't be a chode.

HelloHiHello · 2012-09-22T16:41:45+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Trapped in negative thoughts, sex problems, unconnected with my masculinity. This guy needs help.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	33
Comments	33
Date	September 22, 2012 3:14 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/10as43/trapped_in_negative_thoughts_sex_problems/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/trapped-in-negative-thoughts-sex-problems.1339896 https://theredarchive.com/post/1339896

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