Was to afraid to approach her

Rhino3750ss · 2025-04-05T00:35:57+00:00

You were afraid because your own instincts were calling you out on weakness.

You really liked her...why? Because she was so beautiful?

Liking someone you don't even know because of beauty is the same thing as judging a book by its cover. Not only can women smell that weakness from miles away, your own mind tries to reject it in the form of fear.

Remember that beauty if so powerful that Adam sentenced all of us to mortality over it. Show you can't be deceived by beauty or even by your own thoughts.

Approach with neutrality/indifference to beauty to quell the fear and put yourself into attractive, outcome independent energy. Instead of thinking, "I really like her" start thinking; "Is she likeable?". If she is a nine, speak to her with the same tone and cadence and subject matter asu would a 7.

MysteryLiezer · 2025-04-05T00:18:06+00:00

Learning how to break the ice isn’t NEARLY as important as learning how to face your fears.

—————————

I mean, do you currently feel like crap, because you didn’t break the ice?

OR

Do you currently feel like crap, because you let some little girl turn you into a pussy?

—————————*

That is, even if you followed the absolute WORST PIECE OF ADVICE on this sub, completely BOMBING YOUR APPROACH, and instead of breaking the ice, you even scared her into fortifying that current layer, with EVEN MORE ICE…

…would you still find yourself feeling like crap?

Western-Month-3877 · 2025-04-05T00:31:43+00:00

Ask yourself why you’re afraid. You need to find the root cause before solving the problem. Guys can have the same fear of approaching women but the root causes could be different (past trauma, family dynamics, being bullied, overthinking, etc).

Dandys3107 · 2025-04-05T01:55:46+00:00

Can you just try to make any kind of casual interaction? Even the brief one. REmember that it will take some time for you to be able to smoothly get into meaningful conversations. Anxiety and fear often comes if your body language and mind structure is just too poor, and approaching the girl would most likely result in a failure. In such situation, tone down your psyche, you want to approach, give her a compliment, talk what she is doing, crack some jokes, and then you can either leave or continue with getting more direct and personal if you feel girl may be interested. In both variants, you win, just keep it fun and casual. And remember to pay attention to your body, control your breath, loose up muscles, if you are stiff you won't be able to conduct interaction like you want.

ImpossibleBritches · 2025-04-05T02:43:46+00:00

There's different approaches to your issue here. I'll take a two-pronged approach:

When you are feeling like crap because you think you failed, don't waste the feeling. Sit with it. Ask your feelings what they are trying to tell you. Just sit and listen.

Do this on the reg and you'll learn more about yourself and your instincts.

The second prong: the next time you are in a position where you want to approach, and the woman you want to approach is particularly beautiful, and you are terrified, be direct. Perhaps your first words should be "you are beautiful. I want to meet you".

Don't worry about having a plan, a routine or something to say next. Try to run on intuition.

A big part of the reason you are holding yourself back is because you have a failure criteria that you are trying to avoid. You may or may not know what the criteria is. You probably don't even know that you have it.

So consciously create a new success criteria: putting yourself out there, right in the attention and focus of a woman you are very attracted to while having no idea what will happen next.

everydayguy_ · 2025-04-05T04:01:35+00:00

We’ve all been there before bro. It’s normal. But there’s only one solution and it’s very simple.

Ain’t nothing like growing and a pair and just going for it. Jump in the deep end and learn how to swim. Yes it’s difficult but everything in life is. You might make a fool of yourself, you might not. But the main thing is you’re getting out of your comfort zone. Who cares if she likes you or not.

HomelessMilkman · 2025-04-05T10:38:10+00:00

Don't expect to learn the entirety of the skill in one sitting; learn to say "Hey" and work your way up to having extended conversations, flirting, etc.

Realistic-Load-1302 · 2025-04-05T11:31:09+00:00

That feeling sucks but it’s also a turning point. What helped me was shifting my mindset. I stopped trying to “get the girl” and just focused on having fun. Just walking up and saying anything was a win for me. No pressure to be smooth.

Also, warm up socially before talking to girls. Chat with the bartender or joke with a stranger. Self arousal goes a long way.

Keep going. If you want help I’m happy to share what helped me.

FKaria · 2025-04-05T13:30:14+00:00

It is very hard to just approach that one girl you like. Usually the way it works is that you approach a bunch and get all warmed up and keep approaching while you're in the zone.

epimpstyle · 2025-04-05T13:47:38+00:00

Forget about the philosophy and all kinds of explanations of why you were afraid.

You were afraid because you didn't know what to say, what to do, how to go on....

The next time you see a girl you like, just walk up to her and say "cheers" or raise your bottle as if you were saying "cheers" if you have made eye contact before. Once you have done this, walk up to her and tell her a simple story - give her a reason to say something, you need to help her talk. Forget about introducing yourself, that ONLY needs to be done if she is interested in you (this will be after 5-10 minutes of talking to her), otherwise it is weird.

After you have said the story but didn't get a reaction, it's not the fault of your story, it's simply a sign that she's not interested in you. If you are not sure, try again with another story and now you know for sure the answer. If she likes you on some level, she will comment on your story. It's really that simple.

Fantastic-Life-2024 · 2025-04-05T14:57:06+00:00

You're afraid because its in your hardwiring to keep your self safe.

As an adult you need to break that script and rewire your brain with a script that says you are good to approach a girl. Everybody has this issue and overcomes it.
You're not alone.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqmUBrgnEHg

MineDesperate2920 · 2025-04-05T16:08:44+00:00

Been in game 16 years and I still have approx anxiety. I’ve had it go away lots. Best things I’ve found are approach girls (any girl) right when you walk into the bar. And then do lots of approaches every week. Only things that’s I’ve found help minimize it.

It’s in your dna to fear approaching so it’s always going to be there

Title	Was to afraid to approach her
Author	struggler337
Upvotes	11
Comments	12
Date	April 5, 2025 12:09 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1jrqnyp/was_to_afraid_to_approach_her/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/was-to-afraid-to-approach-her.1548623 https://theredarchive.com/post/1548623

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