When IS it okay to be "nice"?

PixelBot · 2019-06-29T03:00:57+00:00

It's good to be nice.

The problem is confusing niceness for being a "nice guy". Many guys think that if they are "nice" to a woman they deserve sex, a relationship, or companionship - this is not true. It's why beta males fail at life. A nice guy treats all people fairly, and chooses where to spend his affection. Do you give equal affection to your friends and strangers? Of course not. You are kind to strangers, but you don't do them as many favors as your friends - right?

Don't reward people for things they don't deserve.

Respect yourself.

It's ok to do things for a woman. It's up to you to decide what's fair.

Mrdudemanguy · 2019-06-29T03:20:25+00:00

That's the hard part man, you want to be nice all the time to these people, but you have to play the game. It would feel nice if you could be affectionate all the time, but unfortunately if you show affection at the wrong time it can ruin your chances. You don't want to risk coming on too strong, and you don't want to seem like you can be taken advantage of.

Also something about nice guys, nice guys are typically very poor communicators. Nice guys think that if you give and give and give you'll eventually get. Those guys unfortunately are often suckers, and often times never properly communicated their true feelings. Nice guys act nice for a long time, develop a friendship, but never anything more than that. They often get bitter when the person they like starts showing affection for others because they weren't attracted to them, and who can blame them? The nice guy look is pathetic.

I would say buy gifts at the right time but don't shower her with gifts. The timing matters, it makes your gifts matter more. Don't take her out on valentines day? Who said that? If you want to, do it. Don't aim for commitment isn't bad advice, but i'd probably rephrase it by saying don't show you're out for commitment until the time is right.

BetterBeLuckyThanGud · 2019-06-29T07:06:45+00:00

The moment you do gifts or be nice , she kinda knows you`re into her. It`s too easy.

they want challenge , they want to do something and then get rewarded.

I`m also a very affectionate man , and trust me gifts are terrible options. She should be the one making gifts in the first place or eventually you can start gifting way later in the relationship.

TLDR : most of the time , the moment you gift , you loose attraction.

puasd · 2019-06-29T15:26:53+00:00

The typical "nice guy" has an agenda. He is fake and acts a certain way to impress a girl. He lacks authenticity. Being a good person is different. Girls dont want just a "bad boy" they want a man.

Dont get hung up on girls who arent attracted to you or disrespect you.

And a frame I like to maintain when doing something for someone is if I would be upset if I did this and never saw them again. It helps you learn what "over investment" is.

For example if a girl walks up and says "Will you buy me a drink" I buy her a drink and she just dissapeared. Well now I'm out 8 bucks and I'm upset.

But maybe I've been talking to a girl and we have been hitting it off and I say I'm going to buy her a drink and ask if she wants one. If she accepts it's different.

On a bigger scale. Why we dont promote dinner dates with new chicks. Past the fact you cant escalate kino, are you willing to drop 100 bucks for a girl to say "you're sweet but I'm not ready for anything serious" or ghost you?

You can really apply this to life too. Have a girl who wont talk to you but when she needs you, she calls? Cut her off. Even with guy friends it's the same thing.

A nice guy will buy dinners and drinks and do favors even if it hurts him. Usually not because he actually wants to but he hopes it gets him pussy.

tomonto_ · 2019-06-29T05:52:36+00:00

Dont get too caught up in all this BS. Just be yourself and be confident. If you're confident in yourself she will see this and wont see your niceness as anything else.

If she dont like it she can do one and you should accept it and be happy that you dont need to waste anymore time treating someone well who doesnt deserve it. Someone else will appreciate it.

Lord_Augastus · 2019-06-29T04:48:35+00:00

being nice =/= (stereotype of a nice guy)

Nice guy stereotype is a push over, is a beta, is a guy who is unsure, afraid, isnt confident and doesnt really knwo how to get what he wants. It doesnt inspire confidence, excitment, or sexual tension.

You can be nice and still be a dick, tease her, push her buttons to get her going. In fact being nice means you can get a relationship. If you just want to get laid, you can be nice, but you also have to be selfish, as nobody likes a pushover.

Funkimonkey · 2019-06-29T09:36:18+00:00

Tbh a lot of the stuff you read is bullshit. There’s no rules. The nice stuff you mentioned guys usually do way too early and before having sex with the girl.

If you constantly fuck a woman like the dominant man she wants to be fucked by and you don’t show any neediness or validation seeking, then you can be the nicest fucking guy on earth. Because it’s not the gift buying that matters. It’s the WHY. You aren’t buying gifts to buy her affection. You are buying them because you genuinely enjoy seeing her happy.

Most advice comes from insecure guys who started getting laid a bunch and think they know how it works.

TLDR; buy her all the gifts you want. Just fuck her brains out first

wowzacowza · 2019-06-29T21:46:00+00:00

Rather than nice, I prefer to give the advice of being kind just because the two words have different connotations. We hear we need to be nice to our enemies, play nice after a fight, etc. So basically put on a happy face and act like a good human or get punished. But to be kind is to be giving and gracious while expecting nothing in return.

You should be kind to women, to everyone really, which means doing things for them without the expectation that they will like you, have sex with you, etc. It's part of outcome independence, or doing things because you know they're ultimately good for you and others regardless of whether or not you succeed in any particular instance.

To most guys, this goes for sex, but for guys like you it goes more for a relationship. Don't think buying a girl flowers means she should be your girlfriend. If you want to buy a girl flowers, buy her flowers, but don't EXPECT anything because you bought her flowers. Kindness has no strings attached, remember that.

nighthawk13579 · 2019-06-29T04:31:44+00:00

To answer your question simply, you should be nice when the time calls for it. Girls are easy. You have to play their games. Before you can be “nice” find out what they like. Right now I’m talking to a girl who likes dom/sub stuff so I’m telling her what to do because that’s what she likes. I don’t know how long this relationship will last but for the mean time I’m finding the dark side of me to control her. If there is a specific girl you like and want all of those things with you have to play her games to a point while still showing her respect.

Tl;dr be nice when you need to be.

Title	When IS it okay to be "nice"?
Author	Bartholomew_Risky
Upvotes	12
Comments	11
Date	June 29, 2019 2:13 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/c6t4xz/when_is_it_okay_to_be_nice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/when-is-it-okay-to-be-nice.1472499 https://theredarchive.com/post/1472499

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