If you’re leading the interaction like a man with unambiguous intent, as opposed to reacting, your attempts and close % will increase. In sales & sex, I always try to operate on the wave length that what I’m offering is worth the price a rational consumer is willing to pay. I’ve sold everything from cars to businesses under the assumption that they held demonstrable market value. In sales that value is material, but in sex that value is emotional.

What emotions do you elicit and solicit when you’re searching for a partner? If I’m keen, I simply broadcast, “It’s better together!” and look to receive intimacy and comfort (also any other positive social response, but lately those 2). My reality is that I’m fun, emotionally independent, financially stable, and a competent lover. If she is congruent with my reality (and she’s rational), we’ll be together.

But Ray you ask, “How do I make her congruent with my reality? And what does that even fucking mean?” I say calm down chief, I’m getting to it. You know what most women want? They want to feel good! I try and establish that I can make her feel happy in the afternoon, sexy in the evening, safe at night and interesting in the morning. That’s my value. I try not to make it more complicated than that, but inevitably almost always do. I demonstrate it by stating my intent upfront, with something direct like “You look fun to know,” and going from there.

It’s fun to make realities meet. I love seeing my emotional independence cruise over her shit tests like tiny speed bumps on the road to Sextown. I get an endorphin bump when my confident touch is received well and she starts to realize that given the opportunity, I can make her quiver. I feel good when I get a polite laugh and great when I get her to belt out an unattractive snort or belly laugh. I relish the social sparring that comes with competitors and white knights since I’m not jealous and never try to assert property rights over a person. Congruence comes when I invite her to continue knowing me and she agrees.

And my favorite feeling is the fulfillment I get when she sees that we get better with time. That’s when I feel most like the man my family raised me to be, when she lets me close enough to hurt her and I DON’T. That’s what helps give me the confidence to soldier on when our realities don’t meet, because I know I have demonstrable value and am in demand elsewhere.