Why are guys needy?

Sed5 · 2011-11-11T19:13:05+00:00

Lack of close relationships/affection.

Girls get affection/close relationships with their friends, mothers, and the frienzoned guys.

Guys don't have any of this. So a good girl is very important to them. They have more to lose.

Dr_Colossus · 2011-11-11T18:22:58+00:00

Lack of abundance.

madcaesar · 2011-11-11T20:00:54+00:00

Everyone is needy. We're herd animals, that's what we do, we want to be with others and accepted and loved by others. Those that aren't have an abundance of companionship/love.

There is no such thing as a lone man, full of confidence living in the desert not being needy. That guy is a psychopath not a normal human being.

We are attracted to people who are confident/not needy because it shows that they do get love/companionship, which in our minds equals a good human being, so we want them in our lives.

Does that make sense?

drumdance · 2011-11-11T21:00:19+00:00

A therapist of mine says all negative emotions come from four beliefs we have about ourselves:

I'm inadequate.

I'm unlovable.

I'm worthless.

I'm ashamed.

For most people these feelings come and go and sometimes more than one at the same time. For some they're constantly there as an undercurrent to our every day lives.

If you ever catch yourself feeling scared or anxious in a social context, ask yourself if you're feeling one of the above.

pjpaschal · 2011-11-11T17:59:26+00:00

One word, insecurity.

leegj · 2011-11-11T21:12:49+00:00

Women are just as in need for validation.

It's a human thing.

GodofPH · 2011-11-11T21:20:41+00:00

I may very well be in the same boat as the OP. My parents divorced when I was younger, and Mom had custody (natch) and could be very overbearing at times. Dad was on the other side of the country and I never quite was able to connect with my stepdad until I was much older.

Of course we can't ascribe every man's insecurities to Mommy issues. As multiple posters have said, as humans, we naturally seek out love.

Mark Redman points out in "Conquer Your Campus" that social interactions are all about giving and taking 'love'. We can either be providers of love or parasites. If we provide, people will want to be around us, and in turn get more love in return. Men who become providers of 'love' won't be as dependent on women for validation, because they'll have plenty of validation from other sources; friends, coworkers, family, etc.

On the flip side, if we are parasites, thriving on that love from others, others won't want to be around us as much, therefor making the good feelings even less abundant.

paste_eater · 2011-11-12T18:52:49+00:00

I am saying that many of the problems between the sexes are coming from something prior to socialization, a turbulence that has to do with every boy’s origin in a woman’s body, and the way he is overwhelmed by this huge, matriarchal shadow of a goddess figure from his childhood. And I feel, after so many decades of studying this, that men are suffering from a sense of dependence on women, their sense that at any moment they could be returned to that slavery and servitude they experienced under a woman’s thumb, when they were a boy in the shadow of the mother. I got this from studying all world culture, and comparing and noticing how often there were these similar patterns in many different cultures.

~~ Camille Paglia

IMHO, all guys need to read Camille Paglia. She's one of very few women who gets it, and who respects guys. Here's another quote from her interview with Playboy:

I understand when men complain about women giving mixed messages, because women have given me a lot of mixed messages. I understand the rage that this can cause. ... A woman I'm talking with at some event says, "Let's leave here and go to this bar," which is a lesbian bar. We go to the bar and we're talking and then she says, "Let's go have coffee," and we go to this coffee shop and end up, at three in the morning, half a block from her apartment. Finally, she says, "All right, well, goodnight." She's ready to go home alone and I look at her, like, "What do you mean? Aren't we going to go back to your apartment?" "No." "What?" And she says, "Do you think I was leading you on?" Un-fucking-believable. I can't tell you the rage. I am, at that point, looking at her and.... All I can say is, if I had been an 18-year-old street kid instead of a 45-year-old woman, I would have stabbed her. I was completely humiliated and furious. If I had been a guy with a hard-on, I would have hit her.

http://privat.ub.uib.no/BUBSY/playboy.htm

iznou · 2011-11-11T22:07:04+00:00

A guy doesn't / The Ego does.

That false sense of separation from what we are...to what we think we are.

Watch 'Revolver' or 'Way of the Peaceful Warrior.'

I believe we identify too strongly with the mind and thus let IT take control of who we truly are. A concept is made as to who we think we are, like a repository of accumulated information, we access it like a Hard Drive in 'the mind' to call us as to how to act, think, do, behave, emote, etc.

Except...even that is false. The concept of who we are is a choice. Being validated is a need of the identity/ego. Not everyone needs validation. Those of us identifying with an insecure 'identity/ego,' do.

Leshow · 2011-11-11T21:15:32+00:00

how freudian of you

iznou · 2011-11-11T23:51:33+00:00

What is it in our lives that make us not internally validated?

First of all we should be grateful that we know what the word "validation" means and that it's important for people higher up on Maslow's hierarchy of needs. When we are physically comfortable our needs become more psychological. Simply understanding this fact is a breakthrough.

But I think it's a little short-sighted to say that all you need is to be "internally validated"... it sounds like a load of new-age crap. You're not going to get internally fed, internally sheltered, and you're certainly not going to work at McDonald's for free! So why do people assume that you can find spiritual fulfillment by sitting on your ass? I know I've made this mistake before!

I would suggest that you will never be fully validated and thank god for that. There will always be the next bridge to cross. And it is the process, the crossing, in which we find validation and satisfaction (a much more valid word IMO)

Ah, now I see what you mean by this word. When you get the idea that you're not good enough, not ___ enough, then you feel that you're not a "valid" human being. And all it takes is a medal, or a diploma, from the Wizard of Oz, to feel good enough. Well yeah, fuck all that.

But don't think you can be satisfied by yourself, because if that were true, r/masturbation would have 34,000 readers.

Now, why are guys needy for women? There could be biological, evolutionary, cultural, ideological, and personal reasons for all this. And a lot of these are good reasons, and we should recognize this. After all, coming onto Seddit and talking about how to be less needy is a needy behavior itself. Don't pretend you don't need a hot piece of ass in your bed, at least every now and then.

Of course I get how this applies to seduction, in fact the whole "flipping the script" is the best game a man can have. But it's an act, a dance, a farce. We need each other.

Epoh · 2011-11-11T21:12:15+00:00

I think that hot girls define my self-esteem. If they say I am a certain way, then I must be that way. If they have a belief about me, then it must be true. They are hot girls, after all.

creepystalker69 · 2011-11-11T21:35:36+00:00

Why does anyone need validation? Honestly, why can't we all be secure in ourselves?

choc_is_back · 2011-11-14T12:32:11+00:00

Can't believe nobody stated the obvious yet, and maybe I'll get downloaded for being blunt but: because we're so damn horny all the time.

Even the most remote possibility of sex (even if it's only subconscious) raises the stakes enormously in our heads, and results in neediness.

All the more so if you're not getting any - having great sex regularly is the biggest way to kill neediness.

Epoh · 2011-11-12T07:01:59+00:00

Because we always want what we can't have. And after a while of not getting it, we start to feel pitiful. It's so simple open your legs woman!

Title	Why are guys needy?
Author	auraslip
Upvotes	11
Comments	44
Date	November 11, 2011 4:17 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/m8slz/why_are_guys_needy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-are-guys-needy.1324825 https://theredarchive.com/post/1324825

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