Why It’s So Hard: Dating For Modern Men

MiserableMan · 2012-06-11T21:29:19+00:00

I like Postmasculine but nearly every submission and comment you write is a plug. You should try contributing sometime.

testmypatience · 2012-06-12T02:04:45+00:00

I don't find these things to be evident at all.

People feel shitty after losing a job to the point of killing themselves. Groups are put out there for out of job men to build up their confidence.
People feel violently ill after feeling that they didn't do well at a test in college.
People tend to become flustered when they are talking to management, doing interviews, etc.

The things listed in this post seems like a really bad arguement. Also people do not interact with "new" people very often that society deems ok to openly chat with.

People that wait on you such as cashiers, waiters, cell phone representatives, etc. are there to do business with and then move on and it is seen as a very weird thing to try to be friendly with them. It is possible in some situations yet not very often as they are paid to be nice to you and from the point of view of those workers it would seem wierd for a customer to try to be friends with them. You can but it is difficult and not simple and definitely not natural behaviour.

Society has changed because of the internet and electronics giving us the ability to seperate ourselves from one another at will.

So why is it hard for dating for the modern man? It isn't because of confidence levels changing. It is because society itself has changed because of communication changes.

We all get nervous in some situations unless we are vigorously trained out of them yet our society has made it very hard to do so because of the communication changes.

That is what the article should be. It should be about how we as modern men have to transcend the differences in generations.

The correlations in the article just don't work.

For instance:

Don’t believe me? Think about this. Someone no-shows for a regular business meeting with you. How do you feel? Annoyed likely. Maybe a tad disrespected. But chances are you get over it quickly, and by the time you get home and are watching the football game you don’t even remember it even happened.

Now, imagine a woman you are extremely attracted to no-shows for a date. How do you feel? If you’re like most men who struggle in this area of their life: like shit. Like you just got used and lead on and shat on.

You work more than you have a social life. Your job is designed to get meetings and it deals with data and money, not changes to your social life. If you landed the deal you may get more money but it surely wouldn't change your social life in a way that money from a different source could. It is apple and oranges. You can't properly compare the two.

squarehouse · 2012-06-12T06:00:11+00:00

Wow. Pretty impressive stuff there. I do worry about the misogynist side of pick-up (e.g., the Heartiste blog). If I'm reading between the lines there, there's a lot of angst about women due to break-ups/cheating, and also exploiting male insecurities.

In fact, the latest post on the Heartiste blog is a post making fun of an "omega male" (the lowest kind of man, in other words). But I guess if you objectify women as much as that blog does, then the objectification of men is a natural corollary: You are alpha, beta, or omega (and then grades in between, e.g., higher or lower betas, etc) based on how many women you've slept with, and how hot they were, in essence.

I guess I worry that all use of the terms "alphas" "betas" is male objectification. I don't think this subreddit takes these terms that seriously, but the Heartiste blog certainly does. The PM site has a good blog post that essentially deconstructs the "alpha male".

Better than this absolute notion of "alpha male", is what are you in the eyes of the woman you fancy? Basically, are you her one and only (her alpha), one of many (her beta), or a reject (her omega).

Anyway, sorry for the tangent, but wanted to express some thoughts that were strewing in me.

TheDoctorMouse · 2012-06-11T23:42:51+00:00

My only note is to be careful with regards to Jungian/Freudian psychology, as most of it is based on conjecture, not sound science. This is largely present in the "Our Emotional Maps" section.

kupakuma · 2012-06-12T19:27:14+00:00

I completely disagree with what the article implies. It paints the PUA community as the ultimate emotionless assholes who objectify women and treats them as lesser being. My personal goal in joining this community was improving myself, and always tried to follow the mentality of "always leave her better than you found her."

I've realized that I've had problems with women, and so I decided to learn. I don't blame women for not ever liking me when I was an AFC. On the contrary, I took full responsibility for my results. The action of admitting my faults isn't an act of "dissociation from emotion"; it's the opposite, I'm facing my problems head on which are rooted in emotional "mini-traumas".

I'm disgusted and personally offended by what this article say about the PUA community.

on a side note

Depending on the nature of their issues with women and their upbringing, these men can become either Fake Alphas or Nice Guys. On the surface these two types of men appear quite different (one over-compensates and is domineering, the other is wussy and passive aggressive). But honestly, they’re more or less the same guy – one’s narcissistic, the other’s codependent; one gets laid, the other jerks off to Hentai between World of Warcraft sessions.

can someone explain to me how the man mentioned above is "more or less the same guy"?

Title	Why It’s So Hard: Dating For Modern Men
Author	Binxstar
Upvotes	43
Comments	29
Date	June 11, 2012 8:35 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/uwpk9/why_its_so_hard_dating_for_modern_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-its-so-hard-dating-for-modern-men.1333927 https://theredarchive.com/post/1333927

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