My [M36] spouse [F36] initiated separation after 12 years together 6 months ago. Spouse was involved in emotional cheating, and the separation request happened shortly after. She was unhappy due to my lack taking therapy seriously (I had lots of unresolved childhood trauma which was affecting my communication style, causing avoidant tendencies, etc.), and she has requested I take therapy and counseling before but I would either refuse or put forth a half hearted effort (I did not feel it was half hearted, I was just not in a place to face my demons yet).

Since ~5 months before the separation, and with renewed gusto post the news I've been taking my emotional and social health as serious as ever, and making great strides. I've gone from a bit of a recluse coddled by video games to someone with regular social activities, friends, etc. and the same goes for my emotional health. I've been accessing different avenues regularly including therapy, group meetings, lots of reading, meditation, etc.

Post separation we've met up two times (we live in many hours away), and have had somewhat regular telephonic contact. The first time we met up for 3 days ~3 months post, and the second time for ~3 weeks around 5 months post, with the second being her idea. During these meetings everything has gone fantastically; lots of sex, lots of me being able to participate in deep, emotional conversations, me being able to handle my anxiety with grace, and understanding my emotions. She has commented with great positivity on both of these visits, and during them she would share nothing but compliments, pride, etc. It felt like I had my family back, and she would comment positively on feeling secure, safe, loved, how thoughtful I am, etc.

Now it is about a month post my last visit, and while we speak regularly on the phone/text she maintains she is 'confused' and doesn't know what she wants. She is claiming now she wants to date (she hasn't before except for a handful which she quickly shut down), but is unwilling to close the door on us. At the same time she is regularly sending me gifts, cards, and pictures of herself and our pets (we had two labs together she has taken ownership of).

This limbo has been constant, with her saying/showing love,praise, affection, and in person she is very much into me and we get along fantastically. On the other hand she is unwilling to commit to giving us a shot, and continues to harbor resentment from my previous treatment of her and is unsure whether she wants to put the work in.

Any advice welcome, thank you

edit:

It seems my three options are:

1) Continue being there, asking her on v-dates, setting up another in person meet

2) Set a time/date by which she has to make a decision (if not yes then no), after which no contact

3) Just no contact now