How to deal with fresh grief?

probebeta · 2026-05-07T16:31:50+00:00

The fact that she left and isn't someone vindictive who's after all your stuff could be a good thing. Try to redirect all he pain to something productive, gym like never before, some physical activities, eat well and get toned, dress well and groom yourself, maybe even a few dates with beautiful women can take your mind off things. Only time fixes grief but you need to stay busy and keep moving regardless. If it's hard to motivate yourself then... I don't know listen to some Andrew Tate 😅. It will pay off when things do get better, and they will. Read no more mr nice guy, podcasts and influencers that align with how you want to start living your life. You will be fine.

TheSteveSteward · 2026-05-07T14:46:59+00:00

Survival mode is completely right. Take care of your most basic needs. Anything that doesn't harm you or someone else is fine as long as you get through the initial shock.

Long-term, you're going to have to sit with those feelings of loss and self-doubt. But they can be too crushing at first and it's ok to put that off. Connection with friends or family is huge. Sleeping, eating, showering, moving your body are huge. Wishing you the best, dude.

carlosfelipe123 · 2026-05-06T21:23:31+00:00

The first weeks are honestly survival mode. Your brain is trying to process how someone who was part of your everyday life for 11 years is suddenly just… gone. That shock can feel physically painful. Right now don’t focus on “moving on.” Focus on very basic things: sleep, eating, showering, walking outside, talking to literally anyone you trust. And as brutal as it feels, respect the no contact. Every message you want to send is usually your brain trying to stop the panic, not something that actually helps healing. Also those waves are normal. One minute you feel numb, the next you feel like you can’t breathe. It doesn’t stay this intense forever, even if right now it feels impossible to believe that.

UrAristotle · 2026-05-06T20:00:56+00:00

You get through whatever chunks of time you can one at a time.

I’ve been divorced over a year, separated over 2 years, and this morning I found myself just needing 30 minutes to be still.

That’s the first time that’s happened in a few months, though.

Some days you’ll just want to get through the day. Or the morning. Or maybe the next hour. Get through that and focus on the next one.

You’re mourning the loss of the future you thought you had. It’s normal. Take it a little at a time.

In between, focus on you. Get a workout routine if you don’t have one or double down on the one you have. Focus on your hobbies or get some new ones. Build yourself up so you know who you are and what your boundaries are.

There are plenty of women out there. You’ll find someone else, if that’s what you want. If it’s not what you want, even better.

WhoDatWhoDare · 2026-05-06T16:28:38+00:00

I dealt with it by reframing the relationship. I was truly still in love, but with the woman I married and remembered, not who she is today. I had to accept and realize the the woman I was in love with was no longer alive. I had to grieve that loss. I’m still feeling the waves of pain today, but they are less intense. Less frequent.

I think, for me at least, was my realization that I was still holding onto an ideal that no longer existed and that no matter what, she wasn’t going to be returning.

Relative-Cicada1553 · 2026-05-06T15:58:02+00:00

It was rough for sure. She moved out. I got a odd piece of mail a week later, fancy envelope, lawyer's brand. The header said it all. "Dissolution of Marriage". That's all I read before my mind zapped into high anxiety. Dunno why they just can't call it divorce. That letter made my heart drop to my knees.

And then it was issue after issue. Mechanical on top of emotional.

My ex had changed the address on the car insurance account. I wasn't getting the bill. And she wasn't paying it. Somehow the notice of cancellation got to me. I called immediately. The company required address verification to talk to me. My ex changed it to some address I didn't know. It was all during COVID, so the agent was working from home with one phone line. She couldn't talk to me and get supervisor approval. It took hours spread out over days to sort out. It was just the start.

So my then wife wanted absolutely no contact. I got a restraining order threat from her lawyer. And honestly, that was kind of a blessing. My lawyer said it was ridiculous but costly to litigate.

Then she called me drunk one night. And that neutralized the RO threat. But I didn't want to test it.

Drama after drama. It was a real rollercoaster ride. I wish I had better news for you.

It's fine to have the emotions. But don't act on them without pondering about it for a week. If she wants space, give her 100 miles.

CryptographerKey3781 · 2026-05-06T15:24:56+00:00

Well i coped with it by finding out that there was somebody else that she was talking to/seeing a whole month before she asked for her “i want to be independent” divorce….so all my grief and sadness turned into anger/resentment…as much as it sucked..it made it that much easier to move forward at a faster rate. Any time a slither of grief comes into my mind, i simply remind myself that this woman watched me suffer for two weeks trying to figure out why she fell out of love with me..while the whole time she knew the truth…and if i had not found out on my own..she would have been fine with me not ever knowing.

Title	How to deal with fresh grief?
Author	RunPeaceRun
Upvotes	4
Comments	12
Date	May 6, 2026 3:20 PM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1t5g0bx/how_to_deal_with_fresh_grief/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-to-deal-with-fresh-grief.1579739 https://theredarchive.com/post/1579739

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